


Photo Bomb

by artificial_ink



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Text Message, Attempted seduction into a committed relationship, Brock is not HYDRA, Brock likes to rile up Darcy, Brock needs his beauty rest, Darcy has Tattoos, Darcy's type is muscled tattooed and looks like he slept in a gutter for a week, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Jane is an evil genius, Matchmaking Fail, Tattoo Kink, Team Thunder is Team Feminist, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-08-19 14:07:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 59,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16536023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificial_ink/pseuds/artificial_ink
Summary: Darcy is panicking because that photo was not meant to go to Brock Rumlow but also, why is she so pissed he didn’t reply?





	1. Love Interruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings. My mental health hasn't been the best lately so I thought I'd write a more humorous story. I shall do my best to update regularly as I'm hoping forcing my self to write fluffier stuff will help. 
> 
> That being said, I've been reading a lot of PumpkinDoodle's works (which you should check out if you haven't because they're amazing) and love some of the head cannons for Brock Rumlow and Jack Rollins. So I may have added some of that inspiration, such as making Rollins a cheeky Australian. Not intended to be stealing ideas or whatnot, though. All done out of admiration. 
> 
> Chapter title from Jack White's song, Love Interruption, because why not?

At the end of a very long debrief, after an already too long op, Brock Rumlow leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. Having a thorough handler wasn’t a bad thing per se. Agent Billy Koenig did his damn research for each mission and had more than once saved their necks with good intel. He was a hell of a lot better than Sitwell, especially in terms of actually giving a shit about his agents and not looking at them like interchangeable cogs. Still, the man loved his job a bit _too_ much at times and sometimes, Brock just wanted to sleep after a mission. 

The debrief was practically over, as far as Brock was concerned. He’d said his peace, heard out everyone else and now Billy hashed out his theories of future risks and concerns. At this point in debriefings, the team let off steam, joked and on occasion, they’d order pizza. At 7PM on a Saturday, no one was begging to stay but the promise of food kept them hanging on. With eyes fluttering shut and falling into what he called a ‘meditative nap’, Brock vaguely heard Billy’s thoughts on if the anti-inhuman terrorists they apprehended had ties to the Russian mob or the Cartel. Agent Riley Jenkins then chimed in with his own flimsy theory while Agent Fernando Ortiz disputed it. All drug money, either way. 

Hell, Brock would take a too enthusiastic Billy Koenig and his fan fiction theories over Hydra any day but at least Sitwell kept things short and sweet. Technically, Sitwell didn’t want a lot of things on the books and Brock shouldn’t complain but even he couldn’t deny he was getting on in years. He needed all the beauty rest he could get. 

“Six of one, half a dozen of the other,” Jack Rollins said and Brock knew without opening eyes the Australian drew questing glances from the rest of the team. The more sleep Jack needed, the more Australian he got. The same with drinking and when he got angry. Brock also had the suspicion that Jack’s accent had been pent up when they were undercover in Hydra. Once Jack didn’t have to pretend to be an American, the Aussie in him tried to make up for lost time. With a frustrated huff, Jack continued. “It means they’re both the same thing. When’s the damn pizza getting here? I could eat a horse and chase the rider.” 

“If you ordered Hawaiian, you better have ordered a couple of regular ones for all the sane people in this room,” warned Agent Parker Lee. She firmly believed that pineapples had no place on pizza. This was an ongoing debate that to this point, had been the most violent among Team Thunder (name chosen by Koenig, Brock had been vocally against this name but he’d at least been able to talk it down from Team Thunder Eagle Wolf). In fact, deep dish versus New York style hadn’t gotten everyone as riled up as pineapples mingling with cheese. Given that Brock and Ortiz were proud New Yorkers, that said something. Again, no room to complain that his new SHIELD task force team fought passionately over pizza instead of having to watch out for knives in the back. What were a few crow’s feet in comparison?

“There’s bacon on it too. Who doesn’t like bacon?” Jack argued and if Brock weren’t tuning them out already, he’d let out a frustrated sigh. 

“It’s not the damn bacon and you know it,” Parker’s voice grew low and dangerous. “It’s the disgusting yellow poison.” Risking opening one of his eyes, Brock saw her hands clenched on the table. A sure sign that the shorthaired brunette was ready to jump over the table and strangle Rollins. The room grew silent, waiting for Jack’s reply. With the way that Jack smirked and he rose a cheeky eyebrow, whatever words chosen were sure to push Parker over the edge. 

Just as Brock prepared to intervene since he’d given Billy’s assistant very strict instructions on all future pizza orders after the almost stabbing a month ago, his phone buzzed. In the tense quiet, it echoed loudly, catching everyone’s attention. All heads turned towards him in a mix of surprise, shock and amusement. Despite Brock’s logic, his cheeks heated just slightly. He’d be more embarrassed about keeping his phone on him if it hadn’t cut the tension. Normally, Brock tried to keep to all SHIELD protocols, including keeping cell phones out of all briefings/debriefings but he’d planned to leave as soon as he could. His keys, wallet and phone were in his pocket and all he needed before heading to his apartment. He’d not intended to go back to his locker but not putting his phone on airplane mode was a rookie mistake. That was on him. 

“Well, now we’re all curious, so you gotta let us know what it says,” Billy said, gesturing towards Brock. He wasn’t sure if his handler was actually curious or trying to shame Brock publicly. 

“You willingly talk to people outside of this room?” Riley asked, genuine curiosity making his voice softer than the usual brash tone he shouted. 

“He’s got a family. Like a mom and dad. Right?” Parker offered helpfully but that only made Brock sound more pathetic. Great. Everyone thought Team Thunder and his parents were the only ones that had any interest talking to Brock Rumlow. He knew he was considered one of the worst offenders of ‘workaholism’ at SHIELD but even that comment made him judge himself. Determined to prove them wrong, Brock pulled out his phone with a long-suffering sigh and unlocked the screen. The message was a simple question. 

‘What do you think?’

The message didn’t surprise him at first. No, the photo that now popped up on his screen with a buzz did. It made his eyes widen and jaw drop. Then he grinned. 

“Ugh, I think we all know what kind of message that is,” Parker scoffed. Except, Brock didn’t hear her derision. Instead his attention was firmly on the picture of Darcy Lewis in a tiny black tank top pulled low, hair tousled, biting her lip and looking heatedly into the camera. Brock had never seen Darcy in anything other than conservative tops and sweaters, so he’d no idea all that fabric hid a series of colorful tattoos inked onto her chest, shoulders and arms. The piece on her chest was the most elaborate, an intricately lined starry sky with a moon in the center and coyote howling underneath in a desert. Most of it was done in black ink but purples and dark blues were artfully strewn through. On her shoulders, thistles, ferns and cherry blossoms grew. The sassy face of a pinup girl even peaked out on her upper arm but Darcy’s hair covered most of that piece. He’d almost been distracted enough by the tattoos to miss her ample breasts spilling out of her top, pink areolas _just_ peeking out. Almost.  

Brock had tattoos of his own, mostly on his arms, but he’d been joyfully adding to his collection now that he wasn’t in deep cover. He’d been a little late to the tattoo club but Brock no longer feared expressing himself through it. Pierce hated tattoos. While Brock lied away his by saying they were for undercover missions, getting more ink threatened Brock’s rank in Hydra. Tattooed men were not the vision that Piece wanted to present when Hydra came out of the shadows. Clean cut and respectable Hydra forces only, despite the Nazi roots and desire to eliminate most the population.  

Brock didn’t know why Darcy chose to hide her tattoos but he was honored that she’d allowed Brock to see them. Then again…she recently swore she hated him and her last five texts explained why she thought he was an idiot for how he would solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. So why the sudden change of heart? 

“ _Aces_ , mate,” Jack mumbled in appreciation, leaning over to see what had Brock tongue tied. As Brock snapped out of his stupor, he tried to slip his phone back into his pocket but it was too late. Jack and Riley were sitting on either side of him and both had eyefuls. While Jack could be trusted with subtlety on needed occasions, Riley-

“Holy, fucking shit Rumlow. I didn’t know you were fucking Foster’s lab assistant,” Riley hooted, patting Brock on the shoulder in congratulations. “Didn’t know she had all those tats either. Girls with tattoos are hot.” 

“I’m not fu- we’re not seeing each other,” Brock admitted, hoping to try and diffuse the situation. A few other guys were peering over and even knocking down chairs to try and get a look as Brock clicked out of the screen. The women in the room were not amused at Brock offering a free showing of an intimate photo, as accidental as that showing was. 

“Yeah, didn’t Darcy scream that she planned on sending you to hell a few weeks ago?” Parker asked dryly. With a grim expression, Brock nodded. He remembered that day well. They’d argued over the best recipe for pie crust. Although Brock seemed to constantly find his feet walking to the labs and his mouth saying the first thing that might annoy Darcy, he didn’t want it going around that she was up for anything. Word currently was that no known man had gotten into her pants and made it back without frostbite because of her allegedly frigid nature. Not that it was Brock’s business nor did he want to contribute to the rumor mill. He found himself more concerned over getting her to scream all the ways she wanted to murder him. It made the day more exciting, now that he wasn’t constantly looking over his back. Maybe straightforward missions without five ulterior motives had started to bore him? 

“Was she gonna send you to hell with her tits because that would my preferred method of death. Motorboat suffocation,” said Riley, dreamy look on his face. That earned a series of groans and reprimands. Brock punched Riley in the arm and the man whined pitifully. Rolling his eyes, Brock leaned back in his chair, arms crossed and shoulders holding a new tension. He’d pulled his punch so Riley really didn’t have anything to complain about.

“All right, all right guys. We respect women in this team. Team Thunder is team feminist,” Billy insisted, a couple of cheers in agreement filling the room. “And Brock, keep your phone out of here. I don’t care how much you miss your girlfriend, cell phones in conference rooms are a security breech risk. Keep your attention on missions when you’re on the clock and your privates in your pants.” 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Brock tried to explain but an announcement flashed up on the holographic screen that the food arrived. His words fell on deaf ears but a little nagging voice in the back of his head whispered how he kind of wanted her to be more. That was a…new concept.

Maybe this photo was a peace offering between them? Hell, he’d be more than okay with that. Then again, Darcy could also be trying to bait him. He’d done that more than enough times and she could very well be trying to get revenge. No, he’d have to plan his reply very carefully. Turning off his phone for now, Brock stuffed it back into his pocket. If Darcy decided to send more sexy pictures, he wanted to enjoy them in private. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't find a task force team naming system for the new SHIELD (or I didn't pay enough attention to the episodes) but I loved the idea of the handlers naming them themselves, with them generally going bland like "May's Team" or something. But Billy Koenig would definitely name his team Team Thunder. Or Team Eagle Wolf. Also Phil totally wanted Brock to be under Billy's charge because he thought after Hydra, Brock needed to learn to not take himself as seriously.


	2. Picture Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap guys, thank you for all your comments and kudos >.< Seriously, they made me smile so much. I love you all. 
> 
> Side note, I love my few tattoos and wish I could be covered in them but y’know, I don’t currently work a job where that’s appropriate. So, I’m gonna live vicariously through Darcy. 
> 
> Darcy’s chest tattoo is inspired by the work of tattoo artist Pony Reinhardt at Tender Foot Studios. Check her out because her stuff is crazy amazing. https://www.instagram.com/tenderfootstudio/

“Oops.”

“Uh, Jane, you don’t say ‘oops’ when you’re helping take sexy pictures,” Darcy said, slouching instead of doing that stupid and tiring back arch that made your ass look nice and your waist tiny. While drinking and movie marathon-ing with Jane and a few other ladies from SHIELD, one of the lab assistants said her boyfriend asked for sexy pics. So, they helped her stage a couple of artful pictures for fun.

Things snowballed from there and with all the gin, Darcy lamented that she was terrible at selfies and even if she did have someone to send sexy pics to, she’d never be able to get a nice shot. Cut to a few of the women deciding to help each other out so everyone could have a stock of tasteful sexy snaps if the occasion ever called for. Darcy even pulled out some of her heels, silk red robe and her nicer scarves for props. Jane volunteered as the designated photographer but ‘oops’ was not something that Darcy wanted to hear while she was half naked, drunk and a little bit vulnerable.

“I…may have sent a picture to someone that isn’t Bri,” Jane admitted with a wince. 

“If not Bri, then who?” Darcy asked, heart starting to pound dangerously in her chest. During their ridiculous evening, Darcy updated Agent Briana Morran with texts since she was visiting family for her mother’s birthday and couldn’t make it to girl’s night. Bri, who was by far the rowdiest of their little band of SHIELD ladies, often instigated this sort of thing. So, naturally, she wanted to offer her own input. Jane sent a photo during the ‘shoot’ and Darcy continued to wonder how a genius could be so tech deficient at times.

No need to panic though. If a good friend received the photo, she could write it off as a funny accident and no harm would be had. Even if it was an ex then she could make up some excuse-

“Brock Rumlow,” Jane answered innocently and Darcy had to be held back from tackling the tiny scientist. As much as Darcy loved Jane, friends did _not_ send sexy pictures to mortal enemies. Even on accident. “It was the nipple one, too.” 

“WHAT? He is the last person on earth- no in all the realms that I want seeing that! I will not hear the end of it from that smug, Jersey Shore bastard. Why Jane? _Why_?” moaned Darcy, falling to her knees but quickly taking solace in the gin and tonic thrust into her hands.

“It was an accident!” Jane insisted, eyes wide in panic and bottom lip wobbling. Damn it, why couldn’t Darcy stay mad at that face? With an exacerbated groan, Darcy threw her head back and mumbled that she forgave Jane. Instantly, Jane’s face brightened.

“What am I gonna do?” Darcy asked.

“Hey, maybe he won’t notice? Team Thunder is probably still on a mission. It’s been dragging,” Piper offered with a shrug. Out of everyone in the room, and as a higher ranking field agent, she actually worked with Brock. Darcy trusted her insight. “Rumlow’s pretty routine post missions. He won’t bring his phone into task force meetings and goes straight to debriefings unless he has to hit the showers. Billy also likes to order food for them if they get in after 7. We may still have some time to figure out a plan.”

“So, should we like, sneak into the locker rooms? Steal his phone before he sees it?” asked Darcy, brow furrowing in thought. They were probably a good half hour away from the base since they were hanging out at hers and Jane’s shared apartment. Although they had a room at the base, they’d wanted to make sure they could spend time away from SHIELD when it pleased them. Wouldn’t it look suspicious if a bunch of drunk SHIELD employees just rolled up in some Ubers on a Saturday night? Still, she kind of liked the image. Of her sneaking in like a badass of course. Definitely not of Brock in the shower. 

“I can try to hack into his phone and delete it?” Daisy offered.

“Daisy, have I ever told you how beautiful your devious brain is?” Darcy said, relief settling in. The tension in her shoulders eased. Of course, the computer genius would have a solution. Skipping to her room, Darcy grabbed her non-SHIELD laptop and gave it to Daisy.

Visibly preening, Daisy smiled, turning on the laptop and getting straight to work. “Twice this week but I do love hearing it.”

“Well, if you can delete the picture before he sees it, I will literally tell you that every day. And bring you your favorite coffee,” swore Darcy. As Daisy typed away, sitting crossed legged with the laptop on the coffee table, the rest of the women crowded around her. At first, binary code filled the screen before going blank.

“Is that bad?” asked Darcy tentatively.

“Not entirely? It just means that his phone is off. I can’t access it unless it’s on. I’ll have it geared up to hack once it does turn on but that’s all I can do right now. Good news though, if the phone’s off, he probably is still on a mission and so hasn’t seen the picture.”

“I have to admit, it’s a really lovely photo. Even if it’s caused a bit of trouble,” Jemma said longingly. “I wish I had a body more like yours. Hourglass and all. I’m like an awkward teenage boy.”

“Don’t say that. You’re gorgeous. You look good in everything. You literally look like a model. Besides, you know how hard it is to find something that looks like it’s supposed to fit on me? It’s never made for my short torso in mind. Or boobs,” Darcy replied while putting on her sweatpants. Although she was touched by Jemma’s compliment, she didn’t want her to continue to aspire to something that wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows and a constant headache when looking for nice evening wear. “Don’t get me started on people judging my intelligence or thinking I’m a slut because of them. It’s part of the reason why I just stick to bulky sweaters.”

“Men will always find an excuse to label women however they want for their own means. Honestly, I don’t know why you hide the tattoos, though. They’re works of art,” Jemma gushed, leaning in and trying to whisper but it was still easily heard among everyone in the room. “If I were to have a night with a woman, you’re totally on top of my list. Piper’s there too.”

“Aww, thanks,” Darcy said, feeling her cheeks heat as Piper hooted in the background. The reason she hid her tattoos sort of came from habit. When Darcy turned 20, she’d gotten her first tattoo on her arm to honor her grandmother’s memory. Of course, she was hooked after that. The following tattoos came slowly as she really wanted to think about who would ink what onto her body. She hid her tattoos for various jobs and internships just for professionalism sake but a part of Darcy kind of liked hiding them. In a way, they were just for her and whoever she chose to share them with. A little secret she always had to herself and a reminder that no matter how people judged her, they didn’t have the whole picture.

“Ladies, we cannot let guys know we do things like this or talk like this when we’re drunk. They will literally bug all of our apartments,” said Lydia, a cute redhead with a face full of freckles. She worked in Jemma’s lab and was the reason behind the boudoir shoots. “That includes Fernando. I love him but he’s a pervert. _All_ the men are perverts. And SHIELD men have access to more spy stuff than normal men.”

The women debated whether the SHIELD men would stoop that low, especially now Hydra had been weeded out. Piper suggested they should all join her as a lesbian and Daisy appeared to be considering trying that out. Eventually, they turned back to mixing more drinks, picking at their Chinese food and watching _Oceans 8_. For a moment, Darcy almost forgot about the impending disaster as she and Daisy discussed their own plans if they ever were to heist together.

“Oh! His phone is turning on!” Daisy shouted, bringing everyone’s attention back to the laptop. Her fingers moved furiously and the main page of Brock’s phone popped up. Of course, it was just a stock photo background, which made Darcy roll her eyes. After a few fast commands from Daisy, the computer formed a split screen. On the left was Brock’s phone and the right, computer code. “Okay, he’s not doing anything right now so he must have turned it on and ignored it. Let me get to his messages and aha! Oh…it looks like he saw the picture like, 40 minutes ago when you sent it but didn’t do anything. Just turned the phone off.”

“So, if you delete the message, he may know someone messed around on his phone?” Jane asked and Darcy’s stomach sank.In their world, any sign of tampering was a red flag. Since Brock had triple agented the crap out of Hydra, she was fairly certain he was in a constant state of paranoia out of survival instinct. Did she want to risk him doing an even bigger investigation with the tech team so even more people were involved in her embarrassment? 

“Probably. I mean, I can still delete it. What do you want me to do, Darcy?” asked Daisy, fingers hovering over the keyboard as she waited for a command. For some reason, Darcy hesitated. Okay, maybe she couldn’t sear this picture out of his memory (for now) but she could still prevent him from creeping over it later. Then again, if he saw the message, why didn’t he say something? Was he waiting to gloat in person? Or did he have something worse in mind? Just as Darcy decided to delete the evidence then play dumb so Brock thought he was going insane, the left side of the screen started to move.

“Oh! Something’s happening!” Jemma shouted, pointing to the screen.

“He’s using his phone,” Daisy explained. “That’s a live feed of what he sees.”

All the ladies leaned in, watching the screen intently. Brock moved from the home screen straight to his messages. He opened the conversation with Darcy and they got a nice view of the picture. Nothing happened for about half a minute and then he began to type a reply. Darcy gripped her phone, getting ready for whatever bullshit he sent. Instead, Brock started with ‘Nice’ before deleting it. Then ‘I didn’t know you had’ but that was quickly deleted too. They watched him go through a few other beginnings of a reply that weren’t hostile or all that perverted before he gave up and exited out. When the screen showed no further signs of activity, Darcy let out a breath she didn’t know she held in.

“I’m glad nothing worse happened but that was kind of anti-climactic and I am slightly disappointed,” Piper said with a shrug, plopping back onto the couch and sipping on the rest of her rum and coke.

“Do you think he’s gay? Maybe that’s why he didn’t reply,” Lydia suggested. Piper spit out her drink as she laughed.

“Nah, I’ve hung out with him and some of the other task force guys on a Friday night. He is annoyingly good at flirting with women and gets major results. If he’s gay, he’s in _deep_ denial,” Piper said once she wiped the rum and coke from her face. For some reason, that image annoyed Darcy. Of course, his bedroom was probably a revolving door of women. She could already picture his annoying, toothy grin but this time, a small shiver ran down her spine at the image. Smug, muscled bastard with an excellent jawline. Nice tattoos too. She noticed he’d been going for a skull theme which she appreciated purely from an aesthetic point of view. 

“I think he’s planning on something else that will completely embarrass me,” said Darcy, certain that the worst was still to come. There was no way Brock Rumlow would let her get the last word. He would be insufferable come Monday morning but she knew he’d be even worse if he realized she was playing around on his phone. That might take their little war to a level she didn’t have the energy to maintain. As much as she kind of enjoyed yelling at him since she did enjoy a good debate, she did not want him having an excuse to poke around her personal life to find things as collateral.

“Should I delete the photo?” asked Daisy.

“No. Let him think he won this round. I’m going to plan my retaliation,” Darcy announced dramatically. “I think next week really will be the week I send Brock Rumlow to Hell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was worried that this plot point was far-fetched but also to be fair, I have totally done this with friends, at least in terms of having a nice stock of tastefully sexy pictures if the time ever called for it. It never did but that’s beside the point. It was also when I was still in theatre so it was kind of all go generally.  
>  


	3. Okokok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos!
> 
> Chapter title from Jaira Burn's song.

Five days later, Darcy paced the labs, growing more frantic by the second. When she arrived at SHIELD on Monday, she’d fully expected Brock to pop out from the shadows and say the most pigheaded thing ever uttered in the history of mankind. Except…he never showed up. At first, she’d been relieved but now it was Thursday and he had yet to make an appearance. There hadn’t even been a text reply to her message. No word, no emoji, no sign of life. Nothing. 

All very suspicious in Darcy’s opinion. The moment she relaxed, she knew Brock would ruin her mood. She had to be vigilant. 

“Maybe he’s on an op?” Jane suggested blandly, not taking her eyes off some fuzzy images on a large screen. They’d recently gotten pictures of what Jane theorized as bits of Bifrost floating in space. She’d been trying to isolate them and study what made them conducive to teleportation travel. Or whatever it technically was that Heimdall did to pull Thor through the universe.

Letting out a pitiful sigh, Darcy looked to Jane but the scientist made no indication she heard it. About an hour into Monday, Jane promptly lost interest in Darcy’s impending tragedy, even though she’d been the one that caused it. If it weren’t normal Jane behavior, Darcy would have been more upset. Either way, her complaints have been falling on very uninterested ears.

“No, Piper said Team Thunder’s been on leave this week. She’s seen Brock in the gym, like non-stop. So, what is he planning? Why hasn’t he said anything?” Darcy asked, not expecting much of an answer from Jane. 

“Maybe he’s trying to make himself man pretty for you,” said Jane and Darcy laughed bitterly. 

“As if. He’s probably letting me stew. Bastard. What am I gonna do Jane? I need to hit him before he gets to me. But what would upset him more?” Darcy asked.  

“What if this picture freaked him out and he plans on leaving you alone forever?” suggested Jane. It had been the most coherent thing she said so far on the matter. “Wouldn’t that solve all your problems?”

“The man gets shot at for a living. How could my boobs scare him?” Darcy asked, somewhat affronted. “My boobs are heaven, thank you very much.” 

“People have weird phobias. He could have thought you were looking for a relationship and it freaked him out? I don’t know Darcy. If you’re really so upset about it, maybe you should ask him.” 

“No, I bet that’s what he really wants,” Darcy began another rant and Jane let out a noncommittal grunt as she focused on a section of the picture. The lab doors opened with a swoosh and Darcy turned around, heart pounding and lump in her throat. For a split second, she thought butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Instead of Brock, like she expected, Lydia bounced into the room. She offered the ladies a wave and handed Darcy a package. 

“Must have gotten mixed up with our things,” Lydia shrugged. As the sound of Darcy ripping off the tape filled the room, Jane perked up. 

“Is that my new lens?” asked Jane, walking over. She smiled as Darcy pulled out a cylindrical object encased in bubble wrap. With ‘gimme’ hands, Jane reached out and took the lens before Darcy could even start on unwrapping it. 

“What are you two ladies up to?” Lydia asked innocently. 

“Plotting my revenge,” Darcy answered and Lydia bit back a smile. 

“Brock still not said anything about the picture?” Lydia asked but it sounded a little more like a statement then a question. Other than Jane, Lydia had taken the grunt of Darcy’s complaints.  

“No. Has Fernando mentioned anything?” Darcy asked casually. She knew that Lydia’s boyfriend worked in the same task force team as Brock.  

“Not really, sorry,” winced Lydia. “The task force guys have been really focused on this stupid fitness competition. They’re calling them the Eagle Games but it sounds more like Greco-Roman style excuses to touch each other without their shirts on. Everyone has to put in money to join and the winner gets the whole pot. Fernando said he’s going to take me out somewhere nice if he wins.” 

“What? Brock’s too busy with a fitness competition to harass me?” scoffed Darcy, lifting a hand to silence Lydia when she opened her mouth to reply. “I know what that sounds like! Ugh! See what’s he’s done to me? I hate him, Jane! I hate him!” 

“Uh huh,” Jane mumbled. 

“So what, my picture’s not good enough to distract him from a stupid fitness thing? What was wrong with it, anyway? It was a really good picture. Right?” Darcy’s confidence started to waver. Did Brock never plan on replying and just decided to ghost her? Obviously, she didn’t like him to begin with but that was just insulting no matter the person. She was worth at least a short series of offensive emojis.

“It’s a very sexy picture. Any red-blooded man would have sent you an eggplant as a reply,” said Lydia sincerely.  

“ _Right_? Didn’t Piper say he was like a horn dog, or something? Do you think he didn’t answer because he wasn’t impressed?” Darcy asked, letting her brain go in all sort of directions. A flare of anger pulsed through her blood. How dare he think she wasn’t pretty enough. 

“I mean, and I’m not saying this is my opinion because you’re super hot,” Lydia began, nodding in acknowledgment when Darcy thanked her. “But Brock likes…uh, women that are tall, emotionless and I guess if you want to say attractive in a very stereotypical-”

“He likes women that look like the after picture of a plastic surgeon’s wet dream,” Jane said as she snapped on plastic gloves to handle her new lens. “Also, as expressive as the Botox allows them to be.”

“You know how many guys want to get into my pants around here? Loads!” Darcy insisted. Although she took pride in her body despite hiding it, it still stung to think that she wasn’t up to par for a guy like Brock. No, Darcy didn’t fit into the modern image of beauty as a skinny, tall model (hardly anyone did) but she’d worked through a lot of her insecurities and now genuinely liked her body. Not that she would ever consider dating him but she hated that Brock somehow made her question her confidence. Yeah, she wasn’t crazy into fitness like him and no she wasn’t as levelheaded as some of the women he apparently dated. Those things were overrated anyway. She’d rather yell at him while eating a donut. “In fact, people are getting surgery now to get curves like mine. Are my curves not good enough for him?”

“I think you’re looking at this the wrong way,” Lydia suggested lightly. “He’s not bothering you anymore which is what you wanted, right? But it’s not because he’s not interested in your body. It’s because he can’t handle you. You’re too hot. You’re out of his league and he realizes that. There’s no way a person like you, would ever consider dating an egotistical jackass like him. You’re too grounded to put up with his bull. It’s really a high complement in a roundabout way.” 

For a long moment, Darcy bit her bottom lip in thought. While she knew that Lydia was pulling stuff out of thin air, it was still a nice sentiment.

“That’s total bullshit but thank you,” Darcy said with a small smile, pulling Lydia in for a hug. Although Darcy was not anywhere near settled in the matter, she agreed to drop it for now. If Brock would rather wrestle with a bunch of task force dudes instead of looking at her half naked body, whatever. Darcy had more important things to do in the labs than worry about what him. In fact, she’d been doing some research on what she wanted for her next tattoo. So yeah, she had loads of important things that deserved her attention. 

 

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile, in the locker rooms

 

The winning pot for the Eagle Games steadily grew and Brock had to admit he was almost excited for it. Since they were accommodating the inhuman SHIELD agents, Brock had been able to join in despite the experimental super soldier serum he’d been given by Hydra. Even Phil Coulson gave his approval for the games, which meant they could put some SHEILD resources towards it if they didn’t go _too_ overboard. Besides, Brock wasn’t going to turn down the chance to with upwards of a $1000. 

Except, he didn’t feel all that prepared for the games because his head wasn’t in it. He kept getting distracted by stupid things whenever they trained and zoned out. Even though Brock knew exactly why he couldn’t focus, he’d yet to figure out how to resolve the issue. 

“What do you think I should do?” Brock asked Jack, hitting the locker door lightly with his fist. They were in the locker rooms, getting dressed after a few sparing rounds. Brock performed abysmally and ended it before there were too many witnesses. Even a cold shower hadn’t been able to reset his brain. This was no new conversation to Jack, either. He’d already heard all about Brock’s theories as to why Darcy sent the picture but had yet to give much in terms of reasonable advice. 

“I mean, there’s no harm in asking her out for a drink, right? You’ve missed the window for phone sex at this point,” Jack teased though he sounded serious about the drink. 

“Are you still on about this, Rumlow? It means she’s DTF. _Down to fuck_. That’s all,” Riley said loudly as he sauntered over towards them from the showers. There was a towel slung around his neck but other than that, he stood completely naked. Agent Riley thoroughly embraced nudism. At least, that’s what he insisted but no one really wanted to ask him about details. Honestly, Brock didn’t care what Riley did on his off days but he also didn’t want to constantly deal with Riley going balls out whenever the opportunity arose in conjunction with SHIELD.

“This is why you’re not allowed to host poker night,” Brock said distastefully as Agent Riley lifted a leg on the bench and leaned on his knee like a porno Captain Morgan. Seriously, they had to instate a ‘clothed at all times’ rule for poker night.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with the human form,” Riley smoothly insisted. “Especially Darcy’s human form. I don’t know why you’re agonizing over this. She sent you a hot pic. Obviously, she wants to fuck and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t take advantage of it.”

“And if she’s trying to frame me? Or blackmail me somehow? What then? You’ve seen us fight. There’s no way she just suddenly decided to send me a picture like that unless she had something up her sleeve,” Brock said, slicing his hand through the air in a way he hoped emphasized his point.

“What if she genuinely decided that she wants to cut through the tension by bumping uglies? Thin line between love and hate, and all that? Geez, just enjoy the tits to the fullest extent while she lets you, man,” Riley said, hands cupping invisible breasts and face scrunching up in confusion at Brock’s reservations. 

“Y’know, Riley’s right. ‘Bout the thin line, not the thinly veiled suggestion of titty fucking,” Jack said, causing Brock to roll his eyes as Riley nodded in enthusiastic confirmation over sexual innuendo. “My middle sister and her husband used to want to rip each other’s throats out when they first met. Argued all the time. Turns out, they were just sexually frustrated, what with him being one of my good mates and her my sister. Out of respect for me, they restrained themselves. I mean, that lasted ‘bout 3 months before they finally smashed their backs out then bam! No more fights and grinning like a couple of shot foxes. One of the happiest couples I know.” 

At that grim metaphor, Brock paused to consider. Honestly, a part of him always knew he was kind of attracted to Darcy. No man with working eyes wouldn’t be. There had never been a good explanation as to why he liked to rile her up. He just did it. It was funny to see her face get all scrunched up and hearing her huff in frustration right before she ripped him a new one. Maybe it was the Italian in him? He liked seeing a strong beautiful woman asserting dominance.

After all the he’d been through, it was kind of fun being able to just shout and let go. In Hydra, he had to suppress most of his impulses but he never worried about things like that when he was with Darcy. Besides, he always noticed that she had a strange tension in her shoulders or a little frown, like she was holding or hiding something. After they argued, she always seemed a little more at ease, even if she were cursing him under her breath. 

Brock assumed that if he were ever to settle down with a woman, she’d be classy and reserved. He always went for women who were calm and collected but that never worked out. Either they became passive aggressive about whatever the hell he did to annoy them or things just fizzled out to boring. It worked well when he was undercover because he never got too invested. Maybe he should try something a little more…passionate? His sisters were always on his case about finding someone who was more expressive than a cold, dead fish. Would he and Darcy still be fighting after they had sex or was it all sexual tension looking for release, like Jack thought? 

A dusty memory wiggled its way into the light. For some reason, Brock thought back to his first girlfriend, Rosalinda Sarto. Back in first grade, he used to pull her pigtails because it was fun when she chased him around the playground. He quickly grew out of that when his father sternly told him that a real man didn’t hurt a woman like that. If you wanted a woman’s attention, you gave her gifts or told her how beautiful she was. By the second grade, Brock traded the teasing for dandelions and his desserts at lunch. Rosalinda quickly agreed to be his girlfriend and gave him his first kiss- if a quick peck on the lips counted. 

But this wasn’t like that, was it? He wasn’t ‘pulling on Darcy’s pigtails’ every time he annoyed her. At forty, he’d like to think he’d grown out of that. Though, he did enjoy it a month ago when she literally chased him around the labs because he stole her favorite pen, then wrestled with him for it. In his defense, she was ignoring everything he said and he really liked the wrestling part. Her skin smelled like his Nonna’s garden in full bloom, too. Fitting, given all the floral tattoos he now knew she had.

Oh.

Well shit. Why hadn’t he realized this ’til now? He’d totally have approached Darcy differently. Was he really that dense? Apparently, his father’s lessons hadn’t stuck as well as he’d thought.  

“I’ve never seen a guy so torn up about a dirty picture. Just send one back if you don’t know what to say to her. Or an eggplant emoji. Always works for me,” Riley said proudly with a wink as he made his way to his locker. 

“I wouldn’t do that,” Jack warned as Riley walked away. “I think a picture of your cock days after the fact may send the wrong message. I know some birds like when you act like you’re not interested but Darcy doesn’t strike me as one of those. She probably had a nice childhood. That gives ya too much self-worth.”

“No shit,” scoffed Brock. Obviously, he was an idiot but he wasn’t that much of an idiot. Shrugging on his shirt and slamming the locker shut, he sighed. “I’ll figure something out. Maybe, I don’t know, I’ll take her out somewhere if I win this Eagle Games thing.”

“That’s still a couple weeks away,” Jack said, some concern in his voice as he watched Brock head out. 

“Then I’ll think of something else,” Brock replied tiredly, running his hands through his still wet hair and not really caring if it looked like a mess. Should he even try to make amends? He wondered if he was better off just leaving Darcy alone. A cute young thing wouldn’t want to get caught up with an old guy like him, anyway. At least for not more than a night. And he was starting to worry that one night with Darcy wouldn’t be enough for him.

Besides, he got a wooden spoon to the backside for rolling in his Nonna’s flowers. Although he was not a superstitious man, Brock could heed an omen. If he ran head first into this garden, a wooden spoon might be preferable to the real consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise...they're going to be in the same room soon.


	4. Science Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack's a good mate. Jane reveals her hand. And I apologize to Australians everywhere for my attempts at Aussie slang. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also thank you for all comments and kudos. You readers are the best <3

Jack Rollins made his way into the labs about an hour after his locker room talk with Brock. While he didn’t have an entire plan, he thought the very least he could do for his mate was some light reconnaissance. From the very beginning, Jack assumed Brock had the hots for Darcy. To Jack, it was obvious. Brock found the flimsiest of excuses to be in the labs near her, eventually giving up that pretense and just straight up annoyed her. Darcy didn’t try all that hard to stop him either and Jack knew she could. If she really didn’t want Brock around, she could have tasered him.

His sister and her husband pretty much had been the same around each other, so Jack was 100% certain he had a lot of experience to draw from. Besides, he looked good in just some white shorts and a bow and quiver, so he had no qualms on playing Cupid.

When he arrived at the labs, it was to find Dr. Jane Foster alone, tinkering with some tech. She wore goggles, jeans and a novelty t-shirt about Galileo. Pieces of metal, circuit boards and wires were sprawled out on the table in front of her. A small stream of smoke circled her as she soldered, oblivious to Jack’s heavy footed approach. Although Jack hadn’t ever met Foster, he’d heard a lot about her from others. Most said she was a genius but blind to the rest of the world unless you messed with her research. He’d also heard through the grapevine that Foster wouldn’t agree to work with SHIELD unless she had a clause in her contract that said all her research could not be used as a basis for weapons. He respected that. 

“G’day…is uh, Darcy around?”

“No. She left to get lunch,” Jane looked up briefly. In just a short look, she’d quickly sized up Jack. She didn’t seem impressed as she looked back down at whatever it was she built. “You’re friends with Rumlow, aren’t you?”

“Guilty as charged,” nodded Jack, charming smile on his face but Jane didn’t bother to look back up.

“Did Brock send you here to do his dirty work? Or are you here to ogle Darcy?” Jane’s voice sounded bored. “I’ve heard the task force guys talking about her tattoos and betting on who would be able to see them in person, first. I put laxatives in their coffee.”

“Definitely not here for some bet. Though you tell me who is betting and I’ll take care of them,” Jack said distastefully. He paused, waiting to see what Jane thought of that and she seemed to approve with a tiny smirk, so he continued. “Brock didn’t send me, either. I just wanted to see how Darcy’s feeling. How…is she?”

“Not good,” Jane shrugged. “In five days, she’s gone from horrified, panicked, sad and now angry that Brock hasn’t replied to her picture. She’s offended he felt she wasn’t worth a reply, even a creepy one.” 

“That’s an interesting reaction,” Jack said, noting to bring that back to Brock. It confirmed his suspicions that Darcy probably liked Brock as much as he liked her. Good sign.  

“I thought so, too,” Jane said, biting her lip in thought and using the smoking tool to gesture. “Honestly, I assumed by now they’d be having rage sex around the base. If Brock didn’t send you in here for intel then why are you interested in Darcy’s wellbeing?”

“Well, I was curious on her feelings towards Brock,” Jack admitted, eyes narrowing as he gauged how much he could tell Foster. He figured Brock didn’t have much to lose at this point since he refused to do anything proactive. High risk, high reward was Jack’s motto. “Honestly, I’m mostly concerned for Brock. The past 5 days, he’s been torturing himself over what to do. Worried she’s trying to blackmail him or trick him and it’s eating him up. I’ve never seen him so indecisive over anything before.”

“Now _that’s_ an interesting reaction,” Jane said, posture straightening, quirking her head slightly in interest even though her gaze stayed on a pair of wires she fused together. 

“I agree.” 

“Do you think they’d make a good couple?”

“Maybe,” Jack said slowly, caught off guard by the question. “I’m actually surprised Brock hasn’t asked her out yet.” 

Slowly, Jane set down her tools and turned towards Jack. Fixing him with an intense, searching stare for a long moment before a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Do you want to know a secret?”

“Always,” said Jack with complete certainty.

“Darcy didn’t send that picture to Brock. I did. A drunken accident.”

“Oh,” Jack deflated somewhat, worried that he’d read this incident all wrong. If Darcy didn’t send the picture, then maybe it was a good thing Brock approached so cautiously. 

“Everyone thinks I’m oblivious to what’s happening around me but I’m just good at shutting out distractions,” said Jane, causing Jack to raise an eyebrow. “Also, I like quiet and I figured that Darcy needed an attractive distraction that will keeps things quiet for a while. Them sucking face in a storage room beats them shouting in the labs.” 

“Fair…I guess,” Jack crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, no longer sure what to think of Dr. Foster. “You’re not concerned about throwing your friend at a guy she may not even want? I’ve met some of the guys that dated her. They’re…not like Brock.” 

“Everyone at SHIELD thinks Darcy’s really into those skinny nerds because those are the only guys they’ve seen her date,” Jane said matter-of-factly. “No one here knows about Stig.” 

“What’s a Stig?” asked Jack, brow furrowing. Was that some sort of American sheila code?

“Stig is Darcy’s on and off boyfriend who’s buff, tattooed and always looks like he’s slept in a gutter for the past three nights. That’s really her type. Big, tattooed and dirty,” Jane rolled her eyes.

“Brock is two of those things,” admitted Jack. “Maybe all three depending on how you define ‘dirty’.”

“She can stand to upgrade a little.”

“So, why she only date the skinny blokes of SHIELD?” asked Jack, curious. From what he knew, Darcy only ever dated 3 guys at SHIELD. One weapons cataloguing agent, one guy from IT and a lab tech from the bio research division that monitored the serum he and Brock had been given when they were undercover. All fleeting romances that fed the rumors that Darcy’s lady bits were cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. Truthfully, Jack wondered if Darcy’s preference of abstinence was a contributing factor in her and Brock never realizing how much they wanted to bang.

“Whenever she and Stig break things off, she tries dating a ‘nice guy’ because she thinks she needs the opposite and that never works out,” Jane explained, shoulders slumping and a frown twisting her lips. “This last time they broke up, she’s been…so sad. She thought Stig was gonna propose but instead he told her he was moving and didn’t want to do long distance.”

“He sounds like a dickhead.” 

“He is,” Jane perked up. “I was relieved when he broke it off. I keep telling her she can do better and she thinks better means opposite. But I’ve heard her break up playlist a thousand times now and I miss her happy dancing around the lab. I hate her happy music marginally less than the sad songs.”

“So…she goes for skinny ‘nice guys’ here to rebound but they’re just as bad in their own way and he runs back to this Stig bloke,” Jack mused and Jane nodded. While he wasn’t one to judge based on someone’s appearance, he’d talked to the blokes Darcy dated. Good at their jobs but they were whiney drongos that felt entitled when it came to sex. A guy didn’t automatically deserve sex. He needed to earn it.

“Exactly,” Jane smiled, pleased that they were seeing eye to eye. “And Brock actually treats people decently.”

“You figure?” Jack teased. He agreed with Jane. Brock was all sorts decent and Jack would have gone insane without him while they were undercover. Still, he was curious as to how Jane got to her conclusions. As if reading his mind, Jane continued with a smirk.

“I had Lydia ask around. I also tracked down his exes. Overall, no bad blood from any of them even if they were annoyed that he put work first. Most of them would get back together if he wanted.” 

“Lydia? She’s Ortiz’s girl, isn’t she?” Jack wasn’t sure if he should be impressed or terrified that Foster had done that much research without anyone at SHIELD getting a red flag. “Is Ortiz somehow involved as well?

“Yes, she’s dating Ortiz and she’s my main minion in all this. Ortiz’s status is classified.”

“Ignoring the fact that you tracked down his exes for interviews, how’d you figure Brock and Darcy are good for each other? They fight all the time,” while Jack had his own theories, he found himself wanting to pick Jane’s brain. Talking to her was a lot more fun than he thought it would be. “How’d you know you’re not pushing her towards another relationship like she had with this Stig?”

“You don’t ever want to see her with Stig. She gets so docile and pretty much does whatever he wants. It’s not normal for her. I know it looks like Brock riles her up but that’s kind of how she acts with people she likes. She won’t bother arguing with someone if she thinks they’re not worth it. You should see her family holidays. Everyone shouting at other,” Jane said.

“Brock’s family is similar,” Jack admitted. Christmas at the Rumlow’s had been aces. He didn’t remember half of it. Reminded him of home. 

“Besides,” said Jane with a tone of finality. “I always notice her checking out him out after they’re done arguing. _Every_ time.”

“Really?” asked Jack, slightly intrigued that Jane was so observant. Jane nodded.

“Anyway, I have Daisy keeping tabs on Stig and making sure Darcy’s feed is filtered. So, _I_ know he bought tickets for Seattle and will be arriving next week with intentions to stay for a few weeks. I need her to not relapse when she finds out because he will mostly certainly call her asking for sex at some point.” 

“That’s…actually kind of a decent thing to do for a mate. Even if you’re going about it in a strange and kind of invasive way,” Jack rubbed his chin, taking another look at Jane. Seattle was about an hour away from the base but a lot of the SHIELD employees lived about halfway between, to allow them to still enjoy city life when they could. “Good on ya, I s’pose.”

“She helped me through Thor…both times he left. I wanted to help her through this,” Jane admitted candidly, voice going soft for just a moment. “But Darcy won’t listen to reason most of the time when it comes to matters of the heart so, I have to take matters into my own hands. It’s why I roped Lydia into this. She thinks Darcy and Brock would make a cute, somewhat functioning couple. Do you _really_ think I would ‘accidentally’ send a text like that to the wrong person?”

“How long have you been planning this?” Jack asked warily.

“Four months.”

“That’s…frightening. So, we got a week left to get them together. And keep them together. At least for the duration of this…Stig’s visit?” While Jack did think that Brock and Darcy could stay together long enough for her to miss this Stig bloke, he’d begun to question if it was possible within this new timeline. Brock dragging his feet awfully deep made it difficult and if he knew that the picture was an accident, he’d stick his head in the sand too.

“Yes. She and Brock would have already been screwing in the storage rooms if Brock wasn’t being so uncooperative,” huffed Jane, hands on her hips and an irritated look on her face. He wondered if that’s the face she made whenever she got a reading she didn’t like. “What’s Brock’s deal? I know I’ve seen him smile like a giggling school girl whenever he and Darcy argue. And he likes to smell her neck. There’s something there but he hasn’t even made a move.”

“He just needs a push in the right direction. He’s worried this is all a fluke and doesn’t want to mess up a good thing before he’s sure,” said Jack. “Telling you, he’s in over his head. Didn’t know how much he really liked her till now.” 

“Well, he’s taking too long.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Jack promised. “He’s been kind of aggro, though. His mom and sisters have been on his case about getting married. Gets him on edge.” 

“Hmm, that might have been my fault. I reached out to them when we were holding interviews,” Jane said with a thoughtful frown. “I didn’t think that would backfire. Hoped it would get Brock to consider settling down. At least long enough for Stig to leave.”

“You talked to his family too?” asked Jack in disbelief.

“Yeah! They’re fun. They love Darcy. I staged an ‘accidental meeting’ with them at a day spa. They gave me their blessing. And Darcy did shots with Mrs. Rumlow at a bar. I have pictures,” Jane grinned widely and Jack had to admit he could see that. He also remembered Brock mentioning his mother and a couple of his sisters went to a spa a month ago. Mrs. Rumlow might have loudly complained about her kids and their degenerate behavior but he always secretly thought she could get down in a rager. She did love her wine. The Rumlow kids had to have inherited their high tolerance of drink and chaos from somewhere. Still, he’d have to see these pictures for absolute proof. Also, he couldn’t wait ‘til Brock saw them. Brock would spit the dummy.   

“Crikey, you’re kind of frightening.” 

“Four months, Rollins,” Jane poked a threatening finger into Jack’s chest and he jumped back in surprise. “I’ve been planning this for four months and I’ve heard Darcy’s break up playlist a thousand times. Literally. From start to finish. If I have to keep planning until she marries Rumlow to get my peace and quiet, I will.” 

“ _Right_ , so you’ve just gone insane then,” Jack said as if that explained everything. Crossing her arms, Jane fixed him with a glare but the corner of her lips tugged into a smile. 

“Want to help?” Jane asked suddenly. 

“Of course,” answered Jack without much thought. Jane’s planning was task force quality, in a way. If their intentions were for the better of their friends, who would condemn their methods? “Any good Aussie would help his mate cop a root.”

“I assume that's slang for sex?” Jane asked but it almost sounded rhetorical.

Either way, Jack nodded. He hadn’t realized Dr. Foster was so…devious. He was seriously considering her out when this all was said and done. He might not be a Norse God but he really did have a pair of white shorts he looked pretty damn good in. “You’re a bit of an evil genius, aren’t you?” 

“SHIELD is lucky I use my powers for good. Darcy’s also lucky I’m now using my powers to get her laid,” Jane answered primly and Jack grinned.  

“Now, I know you’re an evil genius and probably have this under control, but I do have a few suggestions of my own. I can be a good little minion if the situation calls,” Jack assured her with a wink. 

“Well, Lydia would argue with that,” said Jane proudly. “She’s currently Minion of the Month. There’s a trophy.” 

“I want that damn trophy, Foster,” swore Jack, leaning in and offering his own insight into what might get Brock to make a move. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's a bit of manipulation amongst friends if it means your friend gets awesome sex and hopefully gets over her terrible ex?


	5. Everybody Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your comments and kudos. I apologize if I don't reply to all of them but each one is loved.
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter title is a lyric from Billie Eilish's song, Bitches Broken Hearts. Very vague out of all the lyrics but still, I think the song fits.

“I think I want to leave now,” Darcy said, dropping the kettlebell she’d been swinging before she just took it and smashed it against Brock’s head. Piper took the kettlebell from her grip, as if she could read Darcy’s thoughts. 

In an attempt to blow off some steam (and totally not see if she could corner Brock), Darcy agreed to go to the gym with Piper. Normally, Darcy liked to hit the gym during the hours she knew the more hardcore Agents were less likely to visit. More equipment was normally free and she didn’t feel inadequate when she changed weights to the lowest settings. Of course, while Darcy mentally prepared herself to maybe catch sight of Brock and perhaps glare at him a little, she’d not been ready for what she saw.

Him rubbing his body all over and making out with Madeleine Dupont. 

Okay. They weren’t making out but they were flirting super, super hard with each other. Brock appeared to be teaching her some self-defense moves but they were just obvious excuses to put his hands on her in public. Madeleine also enjoyed it, if her coy laughter and light touches running over his bulging muscles were any indication. Which they totally were. She knew those moves. They were the universal indication of ‘I want to sleep with you, take me now’. 

It shouldn’t annoy her but it still did. Brock could flirt with whatever beautiful woman he wanted and Madeleine was gorgeous. With sandy blonde hair, tall, full figure and pouty lips, Madeleine easily won top five prettiest women in the Washington state SHIELD office. Her low voice and French accent probably got Brock in all sorts, too. Darcy talked to Madeleine in passing and they both loved Italian greyhounds (Darcy because she loved YouTube personalities and Madeleine because her Aunt bred them). If Brock had been dating Madeleine this whole time and that was why he never answered Darcy, she’d totally be okay with that. Being a home wrecker was never something Darcy wanted to be. 

So, why was she angry watching Brock and Madeleine giggle together on the floor? As a couple, they were free to make googly eyes at each other. Must be the PDA. Saccharine PDA made loads of people want to barf.

Once Piper and Darcy cleaned off their equipment and began to walk out, a skinny woman wearing matching olive yoga pants and sports bra blocked their exit. She clucked in disapproval, crossing her arms and shaking her head. Darcy followed the woman’s gaze and saw it fixed on Brock and Madeleine. 

“You’re letting her grope your boyfriend like that?” Alana Smyth asked in judgmental disbelief. Alana worked in legal and made sure contracts were air tight and followed. She was also super nosey and kind of mean spirited. Darcy could avoid her most days but recently, Alana had been covering some of the R&D contracts since the original agent in charge was out on maternity leave. Alana had an opinion about _everything_. Normally, that she disapproved. It got old very quickly and constantly ruined Darcy’s good vibes.

“Excuse me?” Darcy asked, raising an eyebrow. “Did you say ‘my boyfriend’?” 

“Yeah- oh, were you still trying to keep it secret?” Alana attempted a sheepish expression but she didn’t try very hard. She pouted and looked at Darcy like she was a silly little girl. “Sorry, I assumed since everyone else was talking about it, you guys went public. Though…it looks like Brock preferred to keep things on the down low for a reason. That sucks.” 

“Back up a second, who is everyone?” Darcy raised a hand, trying to put the pieces together but it was one of those ridiculously hard puzzles. Or maybe it was just a bunch of different incomplete puzzles thrown into one box that you found at a crappy rec center game shelf.

“Everyone at SHIELD,” Alana rolled her eyes as if Darcy was the dumb one here. When Darcy still looked at Alana like she had three heads, she sighed like she was trying to teach a dimwitted dog a new trick. “Brock told everyone the two of you were dating at a task force debriefing and well, you know words gets around here, even though those are supposed to be confidential. Believe me, the number of times I’ve had to track down a leak because some stupid task force-”

“Yeah, you’re job’s a bitch. Try getting shot at,” Piper scoffed, shooting Alana a dangerous glare. 

Straightening her spine and lips pursing in annoyance, Alana crossed her arms and continued haughtily, “Well, Brock admitted that you two were dating. It’s all everyone can talk about now and believe me, I was totally rooting for the two of you because I love a good underdog story. But I guess loose lips sink ships because Madeleine likes her men emotionally unavailable and the more committed, the better. Daddy issues are so cliché.” 

“Since when? About Madeleine and emotionally unavailable men, I mean,” Darcy decided to brush past the ‘underdog’ comment and Brock bragging he and Darcy were dating. What he was probably telling everyone was that they were fucking but maybe her ‘frigid Ice Queen’ reputation meshed with the ‘slut’ brags into some middle ground. The mystery of how Brock would ruin her life became apparent and it honestly could have been worse. But if he were dating Madeleine, why was he going around telling everyone he was dating Darcy? Had he used Darcy as a fake girlfriend to get Madeleine’s attention? Not interested in giving Brock any more energy by trying to break down the inner workings of his brain, Darcy focused on the ill words against Madeleine. If someone were trying to trick her into dating, the very least Darcy would do was warn the poor girl.  

“It’s all I hear about from the other guys in legal now. Yesterday, one of them overheard her doing baby talk on the phone to whatever sugar daddy she was seeing and now they’re all trying to be her ‘daddy’. Guess she found one. Honestly, I don’t know why they keep her around. Probably because she’s only good on her back,” Alana spat.  

The slut shaming made Darcy want to spill her electrolyte drink on Alana’s probably very expensive gym outfit. Darcy never heard details about Madeleine dating anyone, much less having a ‘daddy’ kink. The woman always appeared welcoming and bubbly, though some called her a flirt. Up until now, Darcy didn’t think it was a bad trait. She’d known and been friends with people who were naturally ‘flirty’ but they always intended their behavior to be friendly, not sexual. Besides, Madeleine promised she’d help get Darcy an Italian greyhound at a good price. They even planned a day to go out to Madeleine’s breeder friend and pick out a puppy. Darcy had no plans on ruining that. She’d much rather have an adorable Iggy dog keep her warm instead of Brock.  

“She’s better at budgets than you’re-,” Piper snapped, voice getting a little heated but she seemed to catch herself. Darcy knew that Piper sometimes hung out with Madeleine on occasion, so wasn’t surprised to see her getting defensive. “Rumors aren’t always true. Just saying.” 

“Exactly. And Brock isn’t my boyfriend. He can flirt with whoever he wants. No, he can have sex with anyone he wants and it doesn’t affect me whatsoever,” Darcy said, crossing her own arms and challenging Alana to argue with her. Refusing to back down, or to look at Brock and Madeleine, Darcy called on her inner ‘Heather’ to challenge the one in front of her.  

“Whatever you need to tell yourself to not cry in front of everyone. I mean, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone can keep the attention of a guy like Brock. I just know I wouldn’t let my man stray,” shrugged Alana, deciding she’d gotten all the gossip she could from their short interaction. With nose held high, Alana spun around and walked away without another word. Great, now Darcy had angered the most vengeful of rumor mills and would probably have to fend against people asking if she was really a man or something. 

“I don’t know why SHIELD keeps _her_ around,” Piper mumbled and Darcy nodded in agreement. “She thinks she so much better than everyone here.” 

“Seriously, what has her panties in a twist?” Darcy asked, hackles rising when Madeleine’s tinkle of a giggle ran through the gym. 

“She hates her life so she doesn’t like it when anyone else enjoys theirs,” someone suggested, causing Darcy and Piper to swing around. The owner was a tall, pretty, blonde guy that Darcy vaguely recognized as being on Piper’s task force team. Didn’t Piper once call him ‘Galaga Guy’? She didn’t know what the origin story of that nickname was. Galaga Guy cleared his throat in embarrassment, shoulders rising to his ears. “I mean, I’m guessing. Sorry about eavesdropping.” 

“Don’t worry about it, James. I don’t think Smyth intended for the conversation to stay a secret but it’s nice to have witnesses on our side,” Piper said. 

“Hi, I’m Darcy,” said Darcy with a little wave. Remembering her manners, Piper introduced them. 

“Oh, Darcy, this is James Cross. He’s on my task force team. James, Darcy Lewis. She’s Foster’s head assistant.” 

“I’m more of an au pair at times,” Darcy reached out to grab James’ hand. A nice, bright grin broke out on his face and a light blush tinged his cheeks. 

“I know who you are. I mean, I don’t mean that in a creepy way,” insisted James, eye widening in horror. “I just meant that I’ve seen you around. You’re really pretty. Not that I think that’s the only good thing about you. Piper told us were working on a Bachelors in Physics while working with Jane in addition to the degree you already had. That’s really impressive.” 

“Thanks,” Darcy preened a little. It was a little-known fact that after Puente Antiguo, she decided to finish her Political Sciences degree and then also work on Physics. Since she planned on working with Jane for the long run, it was worth learning what they actually did. She’d started with online courses as well as transferring credits from the different universities of the places they researched at. It ended up being a long process but Jane loved helping her with homework and they grew closer because of it. She’d gotten her degree officially a few months ago and had a little party with the SHIELD friends and tattoo friends. 

“So…you’re not dating Rumlow, then,” James asked, clearing his throat nervously. His eyes darted to where Brock continued to low-key fondle Madeleine. Ugh, they were rolling on the floor. Okay, really, he showed her how to get out of being pinned on the ground but the way he did it was inappropriately exaggerated. 

“Nope,” Darcy popped the ‘p’, bringing her attention back to James. He really was cute and a lot closer in age to her. Very clean shaven and Frat boyish in appearance. So, not really the guy she kind of went for. He didn’t seem to act like a Frat boy, if the bashful posture was a clue. It was all a very charming package somehow. 

“Then would you like to go out with me sometime? Maybe tomorrow?” James asked hopefully. There was no way someone could say no to that eager face. Yet, Darcy looked back to Brock before agreeing. He’d paused in his lesson and was now staring at her. Their eyes met for a long moment and a lump formed in Darcy’s throat. For a second, she almost told James no but then Madeleine ran a finger down Brock’s bicep to get his attention.

“I’d love to,” Darcy smiled at James but couldn’t help the dip of disappointment in her gut when he grinned in relief. Telling herself it was because she’d let Brock’s stupid mind games get to her, Darcy let out a breath and let James lead her out of the gym as they talked about his own life before joining SHIELD. Yet, no matter how interesting James’ background was, she couldn’t stop imagining Brock and Madeleine wrapped together. A stone sat in Darcy’s stomach and even though she planned on giving James a chance, she had the feeling that she probably should just get a dog instead of another boyfriend. She had a crappy track record with guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The triumphant return of Galaga guy! Except not for Brock. 
> 
> Also I’ve been watching a lot of Jenna Marbles on YouTube and I love her dogs. Kermit/Cermet is my favorite.


	6. Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos guys! 
> 
> Sorry to leave you in suspense. <3
> 
> Chapter title from The Clash. Because it's just a good song.

Brock watched Agent Cross walk Darcy out of the gym. His hand shifted dangerously close to Darcy’s ass but ended up on the small of her back. Brock wanted to rip the Frat boy’s arm off. When she didn’t try to move his hand away, a pinch of disappointment gripped Brock’s chest and a lump formed in his throat. Then more rage as her laughter rang down the hall. For once, he cursed his excellent hearing. He’d heard the entire conversation with Darcy, James and even some snippets of that annoying paralegal. Darcy didn’t want Brock as a boyfriend but she was all for Cross. He didn’t look like a nerd but he apparently bumbled enough on his words to charm her. Maybe that was the problem. Darcy preferred the awkward guys. Not confident, handsome Italians.  

“Okay, I think I know how to defend myself. Merci,” Madeleine said serenely, slipping from Brock’s grip and standing up. He wasn’t even finished showing her how to break out from the hold but apparently, she knew what to do on her own. After a little wave, she walked away without any explanation.    

“That was weird,” Brock said once Jack joined him. They both watched Madeleine flounce off. The other day, she’d approached him and asked if he could show her some self-defense moves. Since he taught all his sisters and believed that all women should know how to defend themselves, Brock already had a lesson plan in mind. The overt flirting caught him off guard and he did his best to ignore it. He coulda sworn she was gay. 

At least, he thought he caught her and Agent Piper kissing while walking around his apartment complex. Madeleine lived 3 floors down from him and owned 2 Italian greyhounds. She was a sweet, funny girl who worked part time for SHIELD but they were in negotiations to try and hire her full time. She’d asked Brock if he could put in a good word for her dogs, since a stipulation of the contract would be that she could bring them in on occasion. Even when fishing for help, she’d never flirted with him. 

“What was?” asked Jack casually and Brock raised an eyebrow. 

“You mean, you thought all that was normal?” Brock noticed Jack’s lips tug down towards a frown but he stopped it and just offered a silly grin. 

“I don’t really know Madeleine,” Jack shrugged and if Brock hadn’t been undercover for so long with him, he might have missed the slightly dejected tone Jack held. Anyone else would have thought he sounded annoyingly chipper. “Heard she had some daddy issues. You’re kind of old. Maybe she wants you to be her daddy? Do you?” 

“If daddy issues make you a lesbian, then yeah, she’s got daddy issues,” Brock scoffed before remembering Agent Cross getting too close to Darcy. A mixture of jealousy, anger and guilt roiled in his gut. Although he had been tearing himself up about Darcy and decided to not pursue her, it still sucked to see her moving on with someone else. “And even if she wasn’t, I don’t know if I’d want to be.” 

“So…that mean you’re still interested in Darcy?” Jack smirked, waggling an eyebrow.

“Well, she’s getting chummy with Cross. Don’t think she’s gonna be texting me anything from now on.”

“Hey, don’t worry about Cross. He’s harmless. He’s not even her type,” Jack assured and patting Brock on the shoulder. The Aussie sounded overconfident. His attempts at reassurance made Brock feel worse because it reminded him that _he_ wasn’t Darcy’s type either. She liked the skinny, clean cut guys. Cross wasn’t skinny but he was definitely clean cut.

“It doesn’t matter either way. If she likes him, good for her,” Brock insisted but the words sounded forced, even to him. He winced. “Even if I wanted something between us, I’ve obviously lost my window. Who cares?” 

“Y’know what you need, mate? Some beers, wings and blokes beating the shit out of each other. There’s some UFC fights going on this Saturday. I know a place that has great food and a back room with Pay Per View if you sign up in advance,” Jack said, slinging his arm around Brock’s shoulder and dragging him towards the locker rooms. Eventually, Brock sighed before agreeing. It beat watching the games alone in his apartment, wondering if Darcy would break her Ice Queen streak for Cross. 

 

* * *

 

 

4 Hours Later

 

“Je ne sais pas,” Madeleine frowned, she dropped her fork on her plate with a clank and scooted away from the table. Patting her lap, one of her Iggys, Pierre, hopped up gracefully. He sniffed her chin before licking it and she kissed him on the top of his head. Pierre was a sweet little dog and always wanted to curl up in her arms. 

“I’m telling you, this’ll totally work,” Piper insisted, taking a too big bite of her salad and reaching down to pet the other Iggy, Simone. As she pat Pierre, Madeleine studied her girlfriend. When Piper suggested that they get involved in Darcy’s love life, she wasn’t sure. Although Madeleine did have a sense of romance, she didn’t think meddling would help. If Darcy and Brock were to get together, then fate would decide. Besides, she wasn’t sure that making Darcy jealous was the best route but Piper insisted that she knew everything. As much as Madeleine loved her girlfriend, Piper could be horribly stubborn.  

“I do not know why we can’t just trick them into going to a romantic dinner. Have them dine over some candles with lots of French wine. They will be kissing before you know it. It worked for you,” winked Madeleine, enjoying the slight blush on Piper’s cheeks.  

“You could have given me boxed wine and Hot Pockets and still have caught me,” Piper insisted, clearing her throat before getting serious again. “Are people giving you a hard time about the stupid ‘daddy’ thing? If you want, I can smash some heads.”

“Bah, what do I care what those idiots think of me?” Madeleine rolled her eyes. Planting the seed that she was interested in older men had been her idea. Even though she didn’t think this plan would work, Madeleine would still sell it. About five years ago, she’d worked for a friend who started a sex phone line. It was good money for college and it allowed her to spend time with her new puppy, Simone. While Madeleine was worried about flirting convincingly with a man in public (she was much better at flirting with women), she knew she could do it on the phone. Or at least engage in mundane sex talk. People assuming she was on the prowl would make her actions defined one way in their eyes. 

Admittedly, a strange comfort level for her but those paralegals were a surprisingly gossipy crowd. It had been an impulse reaction when she heard them saying horrible things about Darcy, like she was a prude but they all wanted to see who could get her to take off her clothes first if Brock could do it. The winner was supposed to take nude pictures with her tattoos as proof. It was the last straw for Madeleine. But having the perverted attention diverted wasn’t all bad. She got free coffee and pastries now because they wanted to try and win her favor. It would be hilarious when they found out she was gay. 

“Are you sure?” Piper asked, a flash of guilt in her eyes. She’d never wanted Madeleine’s reputation to be sullied in this. They’d never set out to have their relationship secret but they both preferred to keep their private lives out of the SHIELD rumor mill. Piper because she was a paranoid agent and Madeleine because she felt no need to dissect her life as her coworkers wanted. After all this, they agreed to be a little more obvious, especially since Piper would be moving in.

“If the paralegals think they have a chance with me, maybe I can get better terms written for the Iggys,” shrugged Madeleine. The dogs would not do well with long periods of separation so Madeleine had bid to get permission to bring them to work with her. They’d be in their own comfy crates under her desk and they were quite obedient. Besides, she knew that her boss had a soft spot for dogs. She was pretty confident that the contract would go in her favor. 

“Okay but if it gets too much, I can step it,” Piper insisted and Madeleine nodded. “But I promise this plan will work. Darcy’s been going on and on this week about Brock and how he hasn’t talked to her. She needs an excuse to get angry enough to confront him and then the fireworks will start. I’ve seen it all the time with SHIELD agents. And she won’t be angry at you. She’s actually kind of on your side in all of this even though she’s jealous. She’s worried that Brock used her to get your attention and doesn’t want you with someone so manipulative.” 

“Then it’s a good thing she’s not interested in you,” teased Madeleine. “But what about this James? 

“Yeah…I wasn’t expecting him.”

“Do you think he is trying to win that stupid bet? The one about Darcy?” asked Madeleine and Piper pursed her lips in thought.

“Nah. I’ve actually seen him stop during missions to help little old ladies across the street. I’ve never met a guy with a bigger heart of gold. I mean, it could help with jealousy on Brock’s end but what are we gonna do about Darcy dating him? James is annoyingly nice. Darcy might be into that,” Piper frowned, brow furrowing as she scratched Simone’s ears. “Though he was talking about taking her to some underground sports bar, which didn’t sound like him. Maybe he’s trying extra hard to impress her? That he thinks with the tattoos she’s into that kind of thing?”

“I may have an idea,” Madeleine said. “Darcy has been wanting a dog and remember Ellen? She owns a shelter. She had an Iggy dropped off last week. I can tell Darcy we only have tomorrow to meet it. If she gets a dog, she will cancel the date. I am sure. All she will want is to spend time with it. Besides, I will take her to buy all the food and toys. It will take all day.” 

“That may work,” agreed Piper. “And Brock likes dogs. He loves the Iggys, right? You said he keeps treats in his pockets for them.”

“Oui. I only hope that Darcy is willing to spend time with me after today,” Madeleine said with a sigh.

“C’mon, she likes you,” Piper said sweetly, reaching out and taking Madeleine’s hand. “Once she’s with Brock, she’ll laugh and it’ll all be fine. We’ll go on double dates to the dog park and I’ll beat up all the paralegals. Life will be perfect.”

After some thought, Madeleine sighed and gave in. “Okay but if your plan does not work by next Friday, then we go with my dinner plan.”

“Deal,” Piper gave Madeleine’s hand a squeeze. At this point, Madeleine was completely sure that her plan would be superior to Piper’s but she would let her girlfriend crash and burn since it was the only way she’d learn. When it came to romance, the French knew best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so maybe I didn't end all the suspense. But I hope you don't hate Madeleine as much :D All she wants to do is go on dog park double dates. And Piper is tired of seeing Brock make heart eyes at Darcy and not do anything.


	7. Girl Of The Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings. I considered waiting to edit this more but I wanted to post it <3 Thanks as always for your kudos and comments. 
> 
> Title of chapter from Allie X's song. Which I felt was reflective of Darcy's mood in this chapter.

Early afternoon on Friday, Darcy could be found wandering the halls of SHIELD. Well, not so much wandering as loitering. She’d been horribly unfocused all day and couldn’t concentrate on anything for more than 10 minutes. It was about 1PM now, which meant she’d feel a tad guilty about sneaking out that early. Besides, if Darcy didn’t usher Jane out on Fridays, sometimes Jane didn’t make it home. So, she was walking around SHIELD, looking for something to amuse her. There wasn’t much worth her time, which probably said something about the secret spy organization. 

Darcy began walking down a dimly lit lower level hall. She’d decided to head towards the jet bay because there tended to be more activity in that direction. Just as she turned the corner, she bumped into a very solid wall that turned out to be a very muscled man. Just as she began an apology, she stepped back and realized she’d run head on into Brock Rumlow. 

“Sorr- oh, it’s you,” she said. He was really the last person she wanted to see right now. Even looking at him made her want to roll her eyes. During her travels through the hallways, she’d picked up on a lot of gossip. What everyone obsessed over now was how Brock had dumped her for Madeleine. While the dumping hadn’t been true, it still got tiring to see people look at her sheepishly when they whispered about how she cried and begged for Brock not to leave her. Of course, Darcy fully supported Madeleine’s choice to get some quality D but it would have been nice if Darcy’s reputation weren’t a causality. Definitely not Madeleine’s fault since Darcy was fairly certain the paralegals had something to do with these stupid rumors. Seriously, how did one department contribute so much gossip? Still, seeing Brock did nothing to relieve her annoyance. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” frowned Brock, though sharp irritation did color his tone. She wasn’t sure if she was the cause or if something else had also egged him on. 

“It means what it means,” Darcy shot back, not willing to take the higher ground. Listening to dumb gossip had gotten her angry and Brock was someone who she knew could take her frustration without it affecting his day all that much. He’d never let her slow his stride.

“Still a master at the English language, I see,” Brock said dryly.  

“Yeah, I’m a goddamned bard,” Darcy insisted with force. 

“Hey, you ran into me. There’s no need to get hostile,” Brock said, taking a step back and crossing his arms. He sent a pursuing glance down her body and she tried to send him an evil glare. From his smirk, it obviously wasn’t that intimidating. 

“I wouldn’t have to be so hostile if you weren’t such…such an asswad,” Darcy struggled with a snappy comeback and huffed when Brock rose a triumphant eyebrow. As much as she wanted to punch him in the face, this was normal for them; bickering like the enemies they truly were. This, Darcy could handle, as opposed to all that talk that they were dating, that she couldn’t keep a man and that he dropped her as soon as he found the opportunity.

She shouldn’t let gossip get to her and normally she was good at letting it slide. Except this time, the snide remarks hit a little close to home. It made her think of Stig. The man she was still 63% sure was the love of her life and that she would eventually marry, except he kept throwing her around like a yoyo too often to settle. The most recent breakup left Darcy to reflect inwards. She came up with the saddening conclusion that she might have some issues nurturing relationships. She tried her luck at the guys at SHIELD, even tried a few blind dates through her tattooed buddies but it never worked out. Stig had been the only one to want her enough to come back. Around the 795th rotation of her breakup playlist, Darcy started to wonder if _she_ was the problem. 

“So much for your grip on English, bard,” Brock laughed and for some reason, it was too much. For just a second, Brock’s amusement morphed into shock as Darcy let out a scream of rage before launching herself at him. She had no real clue of what she wanted to accomplish. With claws out and tears of anger pricking dangerously close to the surface, Darcy just wanted to tear apart every doubt she ever had of herself. Of how she wasn’t the type of girl a guy wanted to settle for, of how all the men at SHIELD assumed she was a prude because she didn’t want to sleep with a guy trying to gaslight her, of how now people said she was so bad at sex she repelled men.

“Whoa! Wait!” Brock wrapped his hands around Darcy’s wrists to stop her hands from scratching out his eyes. She honestly hadn’t any time to even try and do any damage because of his quick reflexes. He began to speak to her as if he were calming a spooked horse, all soothing words and gentle but stern reassurances. 

When Darcy’s mind began to clear, she realized what she tried to do. Shame reared up at her actions. Nausea burnt the back of her throat. Even if Brock was a douche, she still shouldn’t get violent with him. Hell, she really shouldn’t get violent with anyone unless they were threatening her or Jane. This began a spiral within her head. She no longer heard Brock’s sweet words and apologies because all she could think about was how she kept making terrible choices. She was ashamed at running back to Stig whenever he snapped his fingers. At herself for entrusting such a jackass like Stig in the first place with her heart over and over, hoping that each time would be different. Knowing deep down it would never change with him. 

Yet, the man she tried to attack was comforting her. Something she certainly didn’t deserve. But he still did it all the same. He probably should have just shoved her away and reported her to HR. Instead, he loosened the grip on her wrists, allowing her to lower her arms to her sides. Then he looked into her eyes with such tenderness and concern that Darcy’s tears of rage morphed into pity at herself. She tried to come up with a decent excuse or some kind of apology but when she met Brock’s gaze, her heart skipped a beat.

Instead, she leaned forward and kissed him. 

Brock’s body tensed but he didn’t move to push her away. She placed her hands on his chest and tried to deepen the kiss. When he still made no sign of enjoying it, Darcy began to break away, a blush creeping up her neck. Except the moment her lips left his, he dragged her back in. The second time around, Brock bit Darcy’s bottom lip and when she moaned, he dipped his tongue into her mouth. Strong arms pulled her close to his body and she enjoyed how their tongues teased each other in a very different way than she was used to. It was much better than their usual barbs and she slung her arms around his neck. Brock’s hands gripped Darcy’s ass, lifting her up so their faces were a little more level. She wasted no time wrapped her legs around his waist and he held her up without hesitation. 

Darcy forgot about their fight and her rage. Instead, she focused on the way his muscles twitched beneath her thighs and his breath stuttered between kisses. Goosebumps rose along her body. One of his hands tangled in her hair, moving it aside so he could kiss her neck in abandon. He moved them so her back was flat against the wall. Darcy let out a pleased sigh as Brock continued to suck a line down her throat. One of his hands snuck under the hem of her sweater. Calloused hands rubbed a soothing line on her side. She almost reached out to tug up his shirt when laughter echoed down the hall. They both froze. 

“Nah man, I’m telling you, it’s their year. All or nuthin’ they win the Super Bowl,” a voice insisted. A scoff and footsteps followed. 

“I mean they’re doing good but I don’t think they got it in them to make it to the Super Bowl,” another voice said. As they neared, Darcy’s thighs loosened and Brock’s hand slipped out from under her shirt. He let her slip to the ground and they took a step away from each other, straightening their appearances. Once the two men walked past the far corner and had good view of them, Darcy was in the middle of trying to finger comb the new knots out of her hair. 

“Hey Brock! Tell Cody that he’s an idiot. No way the Rams are gonna win this year,” one of the men shouted, his volume causing Darcy to jump up in surprise. She noticed one of Brocks’ hands start to reach out to her, as if he wanted to soothe her again. The two men walked closer and Darcy couldn’t bear to look at their faces in case they could read her face. She had a terrible poker face.

She buried her head in her hands when she remembered that Brock was seeing Madeleine. Horror twisted her gut and she really wanted to puke. For all she knew, the two of them had a date that night. And Darcy was kissing another woman’s man, more than willing to sex it up in a dark SHIELD hall. Shit, what was wrong with her? Feeling her chest tighten painfully and the air in her lungs struggle to get out, Darcy just shoved her way past the two football fans. 

“What’s her problem?” Asked one of them but Darcy ran fast enough she didn’t hear Brock’s lame excuse for her. Because there was no way it wasn’t lame since she’d been acting like a terrible homewrecker. God, she’d not be able to look Madeleine in the face. Out of everything, Madeleine didn’t deserve this. It was just further proof as to why Darcy was bound to be single forever. Bad karma for lusting after another woman’s boyfriend. Even worse karma for making out with them. 

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Darcy woke to the sound of her cell phone ringing. With a groan, she turned to her other side and ignored it. Eventually, it went to voicemail and Darcy attempted to find sleep again. Except now she needed to go to the bathroom. Sighing because life was too hard, Darcy crawled out of bed with a pitiful whine.

The sight that greeted her in the bathroom mirror was not the ideal. After her kiss with Brock, she’d left abruptly without much explanation to Jane. Then she went home, ate an entire pizza, drank an entire bottle of wine and sobbed on the couch. Then when Jane came back (luckily at a godly hour), Darcy hid in her room and cried some more. 

In the mirror, Darcy noticed her wildly knotted hair, puffy eyes and even had a hickey on her neck from her interaction with Brock. Hopefully she’d be able to salvage something for her date tonight. Which…now Darcy wasn’t so sure she wanted to go. James was a genuinely nice guy but she didn’t have the energy nor the strength to try and flirt with someone. The most frightening insight that she gained during her sob fest was that Darcy actually…kind of liked Brock.

He was super cute and had cool tattoos. The numerous visits he made to the lab were highlights to her day, even if she didn’t fully realize it until now. She genuinely missed him hanging out this past week. Also, he made her laugh when she wasn’t screaming at him.

Sure, he acted like a douche-nozzle most of the time but she’d seen him with other people. Never lost his patience or temper with younger, less experienced agents unless they really put lives in danger. Always willing to offer advice to those same agents. Genuinely interested and amused by Billy Koenig’s nerdy sense of humor towards work that sometimes got on the nerves of even some more well-meaning agents. She’d even seen him calm two agents down when they almost killed each other over some weird argument about pineapples. 

It was just her that he was a jerk towards. Which, begged the question of what was it about her that brought out the worst in men? She really didn’t want to test that theory on James, either. She wanted him to stay decent. So yeah. It was not a good night for Darcy’s self-esteem and general self-worth.

After Darcy performed her normal morning ablutions, her phone rang again. With a sigh, she went to answer it. She hesitated when she saw Madeline’s name on the screen. Did Brock tell her about the kiss? Did she see it on some security camera? Just as the call was about to divert to her voicemail, Darcy took in a deep breath and answered. Might as well take the consequences like an adult. She probably deserved it and if she wanted to become a better person, she needed to face the truth. 

“Salut Darcy, how are you today?” Madeleine’s cheery voice asked and Darcy faltered, wondering if it was a false facade. Even though they weren’t on a video call, Darcy reached up to cover her hickey.

“Uh…fine,” answered Darcy but it sounded a little more like a question. Clearing her voice, Darcy tried to portray complete innocence and not the voice of the homewrecker she was. “Why are you calling? I mean…what’s up? Uh- that is, how are you?” 

“Oh, good,” Madeleine said. “My friend that works at the rescue said they just put out an Italian greyhound on the floor this week. I know you were thinking about getting a puppy, but would you consider meeting this one?”

“Oh? Really? Yeah! I’d totally be down for that,” Darcy said, perking up slightly. This could very well be a pretense to get Darcy alone and issue a warning but honestly, if she got a dog out of this, then she could focus on the unconditional love of an animal and forget men for the rest of her life. That seemed like a good trade off. “When did you want to go?” 

“I can be at your apartment in half an hour,” said Madeleine. 

“That’s fine, I’ll finish getting dressed.” 

“Bon! See you soon!” Madeleine hung up and soon enough, Darcy was seated in the passenger seat of the Frenchwoman’s blue Cherokee Jeep wearing a turtleneck sweater. Their greeting had been normal enough, though Darcy waited for the other shoe to drop. When they were 12 minutes into the ride, Madeleine was singing along to Tegan and Sara while Darcy twiddled her thumbs. There’d been relative silence after they greeted each other. Normally, not a big deal but given her guilt, it did nothing to alleviate her stress levels. Eventually, Darcy cleared her throat and decided that maybe she should help things along. 

“So, uh…how’s Brock?” Darcy asked, as casually as she could. At the question, Madeleine’s brow rose in surprise. 

“Brock?” Madeleine’s bottom lip jutted out slightly as she thought. “Uh, I think he is good.” 

“So…you haven’t seen him recently?” Darcy asked, reaching up to her neck frowning as Madeleine shrugged. 

“I saw him last night, when he was coming home,” said Madeleine, speaking slowly and choosing her words carefully. Holding her breath, Darcy waited for the other woman to explode. “He looked tired, I suppose.” 

“He didn’t say anything…that was strange?” At this point, she was digging her own grave. Or at least trying to. Perhaps Madeleine and Brock weren’t as serious as everyone pointed out. Or Madeleine simply wasn’t the jealous type. Or Brock never told her what happened. 

“No,” Madeleine said. When she had no further comment to add and went back to her iPod to pick a new song, Darcy decided that the conversation was over. Madeleine settled on The Butchies, which were a band she’d introduced to Darcy a few weeks ago. Eventually, Madeleine brought the conversation back to dogs and finished a cute story about her Iggys by the time they pulled into the parking lot of the rescue shelter. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'd think with all the music that Madeleine listens to, Darcy might get a hint...also sorry for the angst :( The paralegals in this 'verse are asswads.


	8. Science Interlude 2: She Blinded Me With Science

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays lovely readers. Enjoy this short installment of more Jack and Jane adventures! Also I have been binge-watching Animal Cops.

Despite their flawless plan, something had gone wrong. That much was obvious when Saturday afternoon rolled around and James called Jack to announce Darcy had cancelled the date. She didn’t even agree to another day, instead giving him a generic speech about how it wasn’t him, it was her and that she needed to work on herself before she could date. Of course, Jack didn’t like to see this situation as a failure, per se, more as an opportunity to do better. Jane Foster, apparently, saw them as utter failures because she’d been fuming on the phone when Jack told her. So, they agreed to meet in her lab on Monday to go over other plans. 

Except, the sight in the labs that greeted Jack was Darcy looking about 7 months pregnant. Jack’s eyes bulged out of his head as he watched her hold her engorged belly lovingly. Was this some sort of SHIELD experiment gone wrong? He supposed being preggers was an acceptable reason to cancel all future dates. Just as he was about to clear his throat to announce his presence, Darcy’s stomach wiggled. Then, a tiny chocolate brown head popped up from the neck of her partially zipped hoodie. A creature stared at Jack with brown eyes too big for its bicycle seat shaped head. Jack was fairly certain it was trying to steal his soul. 

“Who’s a good boy? You are, Hermes,” Darcy cooed, stealing the thing’s attention. It looked at her with adoration and whined until she kissed it between its small but floppy ears. “Mommy loves you so much.” 

“Uh, what’s that, Lewis?” Jack asked, face twisting in distaste. Darcy jumped in surprise, trying to shove the animal back into her clothes until she realized who called her out. He was fairly certain that there was a strict no pets policy at SHIELD. 

“This is Hermes. He’s my new Italian Greyhound,” Darcy said proudly, turning to face Jack. 

“He looks like an alien,” Jack said. From behind Darcy, he noticed Jane. The scientist stared daggers at Darcy and he assumed it was directed at the little animal. 

“This is my child, Rollins,” Darcy said, clearly offended. She lifted Hermes so they could both stare at Jack. “If you’re going to have that attitude, then you don’t have to speak to me or my son ever again.” 

“Hey, I’m just making a simple observation,” said Jack, holding up in hands in a placating manner. “Where’d you get the little mite?” 

“Someone dropped him off at a rescue shelter. He was abandoned by his owner and when they contacted her, she said she didn’t want him anymore,” Darcy explained, pulling the small dog out from her hoodie and he let out a small cry of displeasure. “He likes to be inside my clothes though. I have a theory that he likes to wear clothes but I’m still waiting for the stuff I ordered online to come in. He doesn’t fit the outfits I bought from the pet store because of his body shape.” 

“So, when did you become a proud mother?” Jack asked carefully. 

“On Saturday. It’s seriously the best decision I’ve made in a long time,” Darcy beamed and her joy made Jack feel just slightly guilty over his intentions for coming to the lab. Originally, James was supposed to stand Darcy up last minute. At the same bar, Jack was going to stand up Brock. Jack was certain that Brock and Darcy were bound to hit it off, what with her feeling just slightly vulnerable (but not too much) and him being able to play the hero to boost his confidence. Seriously, perfect plan. Jack wasn’t sure where it went wrong. He supposed the large rat in Darcy’s arms might have something to do with it. 

“Can’t imagine why anyone would abandon the bitzer,” said Jack teased in a flat tone. 

“I don’t know what ‘bitzer’ is, but I’m assuming that’s supposed to be an insult,” Darcy scowled, taking a moment to hold the dog tighter to her chest. 

“Just another name for a dog,” Jack insisted innocently, watching both Darcy and Jane roll their eyes at him. 

“Either way, his previous owner was a terrible person. His original name was Armani. She told the shelter that she moved and her landlord wouldn’t let her have a dog. Like that was a legit excuse for abandoning him in the wild,” Darcy ranted, all the while petting and kissing Hermes. “But you’re in much better hands now, aren’t you Hermes? And you like your new name better.” 

“I agree his old owner sounds lower than a snake’s belly,” James conceded and Darcy nodded haughtily. If you knew you couldn’t keep a pet, bring it to the shelter yourself. Don’t just toss it out with your responsibility and hope for the best. Taking another look at the little dog, Jack could see how someone might think it a cutie. He had a white patch of fur on his neck and chest and continued to stare at Darcy like she was the world. “How’d you get him cleared to come on the base. Aren’t you supposed to clear all animals? I hear that’s pretty difficult. That French sheila is going through hell and high water to get her pups in.”

“Madeleine is a good citizen, I’m a renegade. I don’t follow the rules,” insisted Darcy. “Also, you technically need your boss’s approval and Jane is technically my boss. She okayed it.” 

“Isn’t that just bloody rippa,” Jack said flatly, quirking an eyebrow when he saw Jane raise a screwdriver up threateningly behind Darcy’s back. He wasn’t sure if her anger was directed at the little pup or at Darcy for mucking up their plan. 

“The shelter suggested I continue to get him socialized since he’s kind of nervous around people. But I’m glad you’re here. I need to go to the bathroom and I can’t trust Jane to keep an eye on him,” Darcy stepped towards Jack and without asking his permission, handed Hermes into his unwilling arms. She didn’t give him a chance to argue as she bounced out of the labs, leaving him with a now crying dog. Since he’d hoped to talk to Jane without Darcy present, he supposed this was opportune. 

“Ugh, that thing cries every time Darcy takes like, 2 steps away,” Jane complained. 

“You not a fan of little Hermes?” asked Jack, unable to keep the teasing out of his voice. Jane fixed him with a glare, lips pursed and nose slightly wrinkled. 

“No. Because he ruined the plan,” Jane said curtly. Turning around, she walked towards her desk and typed in a code into a drawer. It beeped twice and she pulled out a thick binder. All the while, Hermes continued his crying. In an attempt to settle the dog and not alert anyone of their plotting (or the somewhat prohibited dog), Jack tried petting it. Hermes quietened down marginally. 

“Not sure you can blame that all on him,” Jack said, getting the feeling that Jane Foster was not one who liked ‘failures’. She walked back towards a lab counter and dropped the binder. Hermes jumped in Jack’s arms at the sound. “What’s that?”

“It’s The Binder, Jack. I made it last this weekend,” Jane announced, opening it to a random middle page before flipping through to find what she wanted. Jack joined her side to get a better look. The binder appeared to be a nondescript white but the pages had all been organized neatly by colored tabs. As she quickly went through the pages, Jack saw various colored graphs and charts interspersed with text. There were even clip art images. “When Operation Feelgood, as per your name suggestion, failed, I decided to go through all the different options and permutations. Everything that has gone wrong so far, has been because of unaccounted human behavior.”

“You made that in a weekend?” asked Jack in slight awe, he took a closer look at some of the tabs and saw things broken down by ‘Darcy’, ‘Brock’ and general crisis levels. An organized, color coded binder holding the very detailed destiny (or various destiny permutations) of two people should not get Jack hard. But here he was, standing it the labs like a creep with the front of his pants tightening. Apparently, micromanaging, obsessive know-it-all geniuses were this type. Maybe he’d ask Jane out before this all ended. Since it obviously was going to be more difficult than they anticipated, they might as well take more time to get to know each other.  

“Yeah. I just altered a computer program to help,” Jane said as if it were the most normal and easy thing to do. Finally, she found the page she wanted. A small frown marred her face as her brow furrowed. She bit her lip and continued dolefully. “I came back from work last Friday and Darcy was watching Animal Cops sobbing. She’s cried less with the dog but then he started crying with her at some points. I wanted peace and quiet Jack. It’s getting worse. I didn’t think it would take her this long to get over Stig. If I weren’t confident about my plan, I’d be concerned.”

“Everyone mourns at their own pace,” offered Jack. He didn't like to hear Darcy being so torn up after someone that clearly didn't deserve her. It just reinforced the fact that they needed to figure out how to get her and Brock together. After a long moment, Jane nodded solemnly. She seemed to shake of her mood quickly though as she stood taller and pointed to a block of text with confidence.

“Read this,” she commanded, “and get familiar. It’s the next plan of action.” 

“Should I take this before Darcy gets back?” asked Jack, looking to the doorway.

“We have some time. I’m having Lydia distract Darcy. Though, I suppose it won’t hurt for you to take this home. I trust you can handle the responsibility,” Jane said, eying Jack suspiciously and dragging the binder a little closer towards her.

“SHIELD trusts me with a myriad of weapons but sure, a binder is what trips me up,” Jack said distastefully, skimming through the new plan and petting Hermes. The dog had calmed down somewhat but would occasionally let out little whimpers or louder cries when Jack’s pats slowed. It was certainly a needy little thing. Jack just hoped Brock was okay with dogs. He’d never showed any signs of not liking them but he also struck Jack as the type to prefer a dog with a job. Or one capable of holding down a job.

When he was certain he knew what to do next, he started to peruse rest of the binder. It was an impressive feat, making this all in a weekend. There were numerous flowcharts, percentages of outcomes and a list of people slated for ‘Revenge for Being Asshats’. Jack hoped Jane would ask for his help on that list particularly. Overall, it appeared that Jane did her best to account for any possible scenario. The final tab labeled ‘Last Resorts’ caught his attention. His brow rose when he got to the second to last page. “Oi, Foster, this here says I’m supposed to be killing Stig. I didn’t agree to this!”

“You’re my minion, you’re legally bound to do all my bidding,” Jane said smoothly, continuing before Jack could argue that point. She closed the binder and placed it back into the coded drawer. “Besides, it won’t get to that if everything behaves somewhat accordingly. It’s last resort for a reason. And if I remember correctly, you’re supposed to be tracking down an employee of the Great Wheel.” 

“Fine. But I’m not going to be bribing the Ferris wheel operator,” mumbled Jack but Jane only smirked, knowing that he’d probably do it anyway. It was probably easier to bribe an employee than corralling the Rumlow family on a trip to Seattle. He just hoped the youngest of the Rumlow women got taken off the No Fly List. Jane definitely had her work cut out for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to biblioworm for giving me the idea for the binder. I hope you don’t mind I stole it :D
> 
> I know Jack is being horribly judgey over little Hermes, but this set of images is what would happen if Jack spent a few more hours with the Iggy: https://i.redd.it/cwqxnvnz6yl01.png


	9. Under The Table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for the support for this fic and sorry for the slower updates. You guys are the best though. 
> 
> Chapter title from Banks's song.

In the SHIELD break room, Madeleine could be found drinking coffee and eating a pastry while reading a French magazine. It looked like some food and wine magazine, from what Darcy could tell. The past week with Hermes had been so much fun. Even hiding him from SHIELD brought its own type of adventure. Right now, Lydia was watching him while Darcy feigned going on the search for more coffee. Partially true since she was going to make coffee but there was also an ulterior motive today.

The night before, Darcy decided she would focus on herself. Obviously, she had some unresolved issues that needed to be addressed. When it came down to it, Darcy didn’t like who she was becoming. A girl that threw herself at unavailable men- either emotionally or literally. It wasn’t who she was. So, it was time to get back to caring for herself. One solution to this was try out different hobbies and learn new things. 

What that truly boiled down to was getting out of the apartment. Hermes helped but she wanted to do a little more. So, she decided to ask Madeleine about dog appropriate places that she could go to. Maybe there was a greyhound club somewhere that let the dogs run around. Anything to get her out and meeting new people. As much fun as some of the folks at SHIELD were, Darcy needed a break from them. She’d already made some dinner dates with her tatted friends but she wanted to find new people as well. It was probably better for her to have a more solid life away from her workplace. Living and breathing in SHILED couldn’t be healthy. She thought that might by why the gossip was so bad there. A lot of SHIELD employees only had SHIELD and people couldn’t let stupid things go because it affected them so much when it shouldn’t. 

Also, Jane had become weirdly intense lately, constantly asking after Darcy’s whereabouts and her plans. It probably was her way of caring. It wasn’t unheard of for Jane to wake up from a science bender to finally process old information. Once, it took Jane 2 months to realize that Darcy had broken up with Stig. By the time Jane realized it, Darcy had already gotten back together with Stig. Lately, Jane asked Darcy strange leading questions about dating. She had the feeling that Jane wanted to try and set Darcy up on a bind date in an attempt to cheer her up. Not that Darcy didn’t appreciate it but she was firmly finished with men for the time being. Besides, Jane could be kind of judgmental when it came to who Darcy dated. The astrophysicist was not shy about voicing her true opinions. 

“Oh, Darcy, nice to see you,” Madeleine said pleasantly. Clearing her throat, Darcy waved and walked to the table where Madeleine sat. 

“Yeah…I’m just getting coffee. But I also wanted to ask you a question,” Darcy said with a small smile. Sometimes it was strange to be talking to Madeleine so casually, as if she totally didn’t make out with the French woman’s boyfriend. Though, there hadn’t been any more work PDA moments between Madeleine and Brock. The rumor mill already moved on to something else and it was almost as if everyone forgot any of it happened.

“Of course,” smiled Madeleine, offering Darcy one of her pastries. Darcy shook her head. 

“No, I’m fine. I actually had a question for you because I’ve decided that I want to try some new things out. Maybe learn a new hobby. Meet new people. Y’know, the whole self-improvement kick,” said Darcy with a nervous laugh. She tugged on the sleeve of her sweater. 

“Oh? What kind of things?” Madeleine asked with interest. Setting down her magazine, she leaned her elbows on the table, head quirked to the side. 

“I don’t know. Anything? I thought you might know a few places that I can still take Hermes, that may be fun. Like a greyhound club or something? I’m trying to get out the apartment.” 

“Well, a friend of mine has started to teach a cooking class on French cuisine,” Madeleine offered eagerly, sitting up a little straighter. “I am actually helping him with it. If you want, I can maybe get you a discount. Hermes could play with my Iggys during the class. Piper wanted to play with them a little this weekend. Maybe she can dog-sit?”

“That sounds like fun,” Darcy admitted. She was a decent enough cook but her abilities tended to go best with normal American comfort foods. It might be good for her to learn how to cook something outside of mashed potatoes and mac and cheese. 

“Bon! I think you will love it. I also teach a little about French wines and food pairings. It’s a beginner’s class, easy even if you know nothing about cooking. It’s this Saturday, if you are okay with that?”

“Sure, why not. I did say I wanted to learn a new hobby. Why not as soon as possible?” shrugged Darcy, wondering if she wanted to risk spending more time with Madeleine and having her hate her even more about kissing Brock if she eventually found out. Over the week, Brock had been constantly texting her, begging for them to talk. She didn’t have the heart to reply though and he’d not tried to reach out to her since last night. Though, Lydia had been complaining about Team Thunder being out on a mission. “I mean, I get to eat French food and drink wine, right? How can I lose?” 

“Exactly! I will sign you up. You will love it, I’m sure,” Madeleine promised with a delighted smile. “The first class is this week, if that is not too short notice?” 

“No, that’s fine.” 

“If you want, you can bring Hermes to my apartment around 4:30? The class starts at 6 but I need to be there early to set up. We can drive in together,” said Madeline with such finality that Darcy didn’t think she could argue.

“Cool. Sure. Uh, let me know how much it costs?” Darcy said, wondering if she should have gotten more information before agreeing. Like the cost of the class or how long it was supposed to last. Though, Madeleine seemed so excited and Darcy still had residual guilt. She’d probably pay it regardless of how expensive it was. 

 

* * *

 

Saturday Night

About 5 minutes into standing awkwardly at her station, Darcy realized the beginner’s class to French Cuisine and Wine was also a couple’s course. There were about 8 stations total. Each island had a sink, stove top, oven and counter space where the ingredients she helped set out sat neatly. She stood at one of the stations in the very back. The one to the right of her was empty as well, but every other had a pair who were obviously romantically involved. There were a few older couples and some people around Darcy’s age. There was a nice mix of straight, gay and multiracial as well. Still, the decently diverse group where everyone seemed to be amiably chatting with other did nothing to change the fact that she was alone and single. It wasn’t exactly the social meet-up she’d had in mind. Darcy mentioned this while trying not to look awkward. 

“Don’t worry, there is nothing on the menu that has to be prepared for romance in mind,” Madeleine said, gesturing vaguely around the room. “I do have someone joining you. Another friend.” 

“Oh…okay,” Darcy wasn’t sure what else to say but she was relieved she wouldn’t be completely alone. She would have liked a warning but then again, she wanted to meet new people and this fell exactly into that category. Leaning her elbows on the counter, Darcy poked at mortar and pestle, wondering when she’d be able to start drinking. She might need it tonight. A self-conscious part of her wondered if she should have worn something more conservative. She’d gone for a saucy, young Julia Childs going swing dancing look. Her V-neck lace emerald dress fell below her knees and the sleeves went past her elbows but her chest tattoo was clearly displayed. She wondered if that was why no one had attempted to make small talk with her. Or, maybe she simply was that awkward.

“Darcy?” a familiar voice asked, causing Darcy’s heart to stop. When she looked up, she saw Brock Rumlow heading straight towards her. Her brain told her to move, get out of there, even duck behind the station but her body just froze. 

“Brock?” Darcy replied lamely, swallowing past a lump in her throat. 

“Are you here with someone?” asked Brock. If Darcy trusted her gut instincts anymore, she’d say that he sounded a little disappointed. There were also bags under his eyes and a tension in his jaw. It must have been a crappy mission he’d just come back from. She wondered if he came straight here just to see Madeline. The thought caused her chest to clench slightly.

“Uh, no. I’m just here to learn a new hobby. At what appears to be a couple’s only event. Guess I didn’t really read the course description,” Darcy joked but the punchline fell flat. She laughed nervously then looked down to focus on a bowl of black olives. “Are you here to see Madeleine?” 

“No,” Brock said with a slight frown. “I mean, she invited me but I didn’t come here just to see her or anything.” 

“Really?” Darcy asked skeptically. Did they have an open relationship or was Brock bold enough to lie in front of his girlfriend? Her eyes darted around the room to find her. She’d not run to him when he walked in but maybe she didn’t realize he was here yet.

“Yeah. She begged me to fill in a spot because the class needed one more person,” Brock said, following Darcy’s gaze towards Madeleine, where she was chatting with a friendly couple in their 50s, a few stations down. His face twisted in suspicion. “Asked me to come as a friend.” 

“Well…then I guess that might mean you’re my partner. She said she had a friend who was gonna join me,” Darcy said, feeling a hoard of butterflies swarm in her gut. Letting out a long sigh, she pursed her lips and started to separate a bunch of mint. “But if it’s weird for you then I totally understand and I can leave.”

“Weird? Why would it be weird for me? Is it weird for you?” asked Brock, panic lighting his widening eyes and skin paling just slightly. He took a moment and swallowed. She couldn’t help but focus on how his Adam’s apple bobbed. “Is this about that kiss? Look, I told you wanted to talk to you about that-”

“Shush, will you? I don’t want Madeleine to hate me,” Darcy said in a desperate whisper, looking around to make sure no one, especially Madeleine, heard. 

“Why would she hate you?” frowned Brock, small furrow in between his eyebrows. There appeared to be genuine concern in his face. He took a step closer to her and reached out as if he were going to place a hand on her shoulder, but thought better of it. His hand hovered awkwardly between them before he let it drop to his side.  

“Well, most women don’t like the home wrecker that kisses their boyfriends,” Darcy said, voice quiet but still harsh. Did he seriously not get it?  

“Boyfriend?” Brock’s eye narrowed slightly and his frown turned into more of a pensive pout. Leaning back on his heels, he rose an eyebrow. “You think I’m Madeleine’s boyfriend?” 

“Yeah,” Darcy scoffed like it was the most obvious fact in the world. “Everyone’s been talking about it.” 

“Seriously Darcy, you listening to rumors now?” Brock teased. The corners of his mouth twitched up and his brow rose a little. He looked down on her like she was an adorable puppy that hadn’t gotten the hang of walking yet. She bristled under his assumption.

“Well, excuse me. I have eyes. I saw you two cuddling in the gym-” 

“Before this gets out of hand, I just want to point out that Madeleine is my neighbor and-” Brock stopped, looking up for a moment to make sure the person they were taking about wasn’t listening. He lowered his voice and leaned in towards Darcy. “Truth is, I don’t know why everyone was making a huge deal over that. She was just being friendly because I agreed to show her some self-defense and besides, she’s a lesbian. While she and I obviously have similar interests, what with her liking women, I think that would also put a strain on the relationship if we were dating. Not to out her or anything. She’s with Piper.” 

“What?”

“I don’t know why they want to keep it secret but I wanted to respect it,” shrugged Brock, taking a step back. Darcy shook her head, hoping that would somehow help her process the bomb of information he’d just told her.

“Oh, well…” Darcy trailed off, not entirely sure what to say. It took a long moment for her to really understand it and she wondered if it was true. She and Madeleine never really talked about men before and she supposed Piper did hang out with her a lot. On occasion, Darcy had noticed Madeline checking out women but never really thought much of it, not entirely realizing it came from a genuine sexual interest. Piper got particularly annoyed when Alana suggested shitty things about Madeleine. Also, Piper hadn’t complained about being single for a while now.

It if was true, it also wasn’t really Darcy’s business who they dated and why they wanted to keep things secret. Then again, she now completely understood the impulse to keep things out of the SHIELD rumor mill. For some reason, depending on the person, the rumor mill was brutal and caused a lot of harm to the relationships being discussed. If she were dating someone at SHIELD, she’d probably keep it secret for a while, too. Overall, Madeleine and Piper dating was definitely plausible.

“Well, I’m sorry about the kiss either way,” Darcy said eventually, trying to ignore how her chest didn’t feel as tight at the new piece of information. “I was just having a bad day. I shouldn’t have jumped you.” 

“Thanks, Lewis,” Brock said, clearly offended at the insinuation that on a crappy day, she’d stoop down to kissing him. She also missed him calling her by her first name. 

“No, I mean, I…well,” letting out a sigh, Darcy bit her lip. While she didn’t want to talk about it, she also felt obliged to explain herself. It was the least Brock deserved. “I broke up with someone a few months ago. I thought I was gonna marry him and he broke up with me instead. So, I’ve just been kind of, I don’t now, in a shitty mood? Honestly, I’m trying to work on myself and not date anyone now. So, I’m sorry about the kiss and about wanting to rip your eyes out. You kind of represented all terrible men in that moment. Which, you probably aren’t,” admitted Darcy, feeing her entire face heat up. This was the last conversation she wanted to have with Brock. Especially in a kitchen setting. Sure, the wine might help but she might also accidentally set something on fire. 

“There isn’t anything to be sorry about,” Brock said, brow smoothing out as he caught her gaze with confidence. “I mean, I liked it. Don’t worry about that. But if you need space from me or men in general, I understand. Breakups suck.” 

“Yeah, they do,” Darcy nodded grimly but let out a small laugh of relief. “But I paid for the class and I think it might do me good to be out. If you’re okay with cooking with me, then I wouldn’t want you to leave on my account.” 

“I’d like that,” Brock smiled. It was a genuine, lopsided grin causing crinkles around his eyes as he leaned over her to examine some of the ingredients. Her heart beat faster and she had to admit he was quite dashing when he smiled. Also, he had amazing biceps, which were on display in his tight black t-shirt. Not as nice as Thor’s were but solid gun show nonetheless. Biting her bottom lip, her eyes darted to the black ink on his forearm and his visible veins popping up.

Clearing her throat, she hoped her blush wasn’t so obvious as she turned her attention to the laminated instructions. From the corner of her eye, she thought she saw him smirk at her but she ignored the compulsion to look back at him and stick her tongue out.

Soon enough, the class began. They would be making a 3-course meal: olive and fig tapenade, steak au poivre with cognac sauce and green beans, and a cherry clafoutis. All ingredients were fresh and locally sourced other than the French wines Madeleine would be discussing and allowing them to taste. The class ended up being super informative and the food delicious but simple. Much to Darcy’s surprise, Brock was a natural cook, though he told her it was because he was Italian. According to him, that was the superior cuisine. Of course, there was a lot of eye rolling on Darcy’s part at his smartass answers and comments but she grinned the entire time, almost so much that her jaw was tired. They still bickered but instead of wanting to strangle him, she just laughed it off. A marked difference from how they normally interacted but Darcy didn’t mind the change. She also noticed the extremely platonic way he and Madeleine interacted, almost like siblings.

Every so often, their arms or hands would brush up against the other and she couldn’t ignore the way it made her heart race or her stomach flutter. She’d not felt that way towards a guy since she was a teen. Throughout college, men had begun to lose their charm and mystery. At least, the charm that made her want to blush and incoherently babble like she did when she was in high school. She told herself it was just her becoming more confident woman but in reality? Men just continued to disappoint her and she lowered her standards.

Was she seriously developing a high school style crush on Brock Rumlow, of all people?


	10. Say Goodnight and Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I probably should edit this chapter some more but I couldn't wait to post it! As always, thanks for your kudos and comments. I always enjoy them. 😊
> 
>  
> 
> Title from both Imogen Heap's Goodnight and Go, as well as Ariana Grande's version.

“Hold on! That’s way too much!” Darcy insisted, trying to swat Brock’s hand away as he poured more cognac sauce onto the steaks. While the other couples had neatly poured a reasonable amount on top of their steaks using a spoon then added a garnish, Brock was pouring the sauce straight from the skillet. At this point, he was literally scraping the bottom of the skillet to get every last drop. “At least let me try it before you turn it into soup.”

“This hardly made any sauce,” Brock said belligerently. “This needs more sauce.”

“No, it doesn’t! You are such an Italian,” Darcy said, fighting back laughter. She bit her lip at what had been the tone for most of the evening. Madeline and her friend, Jacque, eloquently discussed the simplicity and subtleness of French cooking and flavors. They discussed the importance of cooking techniques, how different ones locked in or created the right flavor and even how plating beautifully played to the concept of first eating with the eyes. But then Brock ignored everything they said. Although Darcy knew for a fact with a body like his, he probably didn’t eat fats, white sugars or breads, he was going all ham for this meal. He told her it was his cheat meal for the week.

“Italy is the superior country. None of this presentation and plating crap. That’s not gonna matter when you’re hungry. I wonder if they have an intro to Italian cooking at this place. You’d like it,” Brock said confidently. The one-off French cooking class took place at a culinary school and they did offer several different cooking classes ranging in difficulty for the public. There were brochures at the front of the room.

“Maybe I can get Daisy to take one with me,” Darcy said, pursing her lips as she swirled her wine. After the tasting, they’d all been able to pick a glass of their favorite. She went for a Pomeral wine made by La Rose Figeac. A red wine that was just shy of full bodied with notes of dark cherry, plum and violets. Of course, Darcy did not taste any of that. While she wasn’t a huge fan of red wines, she had to admit this was one nice. Maybe she needed to try and buy wine that cost more than $20 a bottle before she made final judgments of what kinds of wines she didn’t like.

“Or me. Actual Italian here,” Brock mumbled, feigning offense but Darcy wondered if there was more to his suggestion.

“You want to keep taking cooking classes with me?” Darcy asked flatly, not expecting him to really dignify it with an answer. She assumed she was just calling out his bluff.

“Hey, if you don’t want to go to a class in public, I can teach you in private. My Nonna only taught 3 people her lamb ragu recipe. Brought it from Monticelli then pretty much took it to her grave but I was her favorite so she shared her secrets with me. Also left me her chitarra. My aunt Stella’s still sour about that,” Brock explained and she could tell he was particularly smug about how his Nonna’s will played out. 

“Aww, you’d share your dead Nonna’s recipes with me?”

“Only the one. You need to earn the other ones,” said Brock with a filthy wink that caused a surprising jolt to settle between her thighs. 

“Hmm, then tell me more about your dead Nonna while you romance me. It’s really working for me,” teased Darcy with a tone dripping in sarcasm, hoping it hid the fact her face was heating up. She leaned back against the counter top in an attempt at an alluring pose but she honestly wasn’t trying all that hard.

“Hey, watch what you say about Nonna,” warned Brock but he wore a goofy smile.

“If I know anything about your Nonna, which I don’t,” Darcy said, using her wine glass to gesticulate. She didn’t think it was possible but his grin grew wider. “Then I think she’d agree that she would be fine with me using her name slightly in vain to take you down a few pegs. What would she say if she knew her grandson had such a big ego?”

“She’d hit me on my ass with a wooden spoon if she thought I was mistreating a lady,” Brock said without pause, lips pursed in thought.

“See,” Darcy said haughtily, believing she’d won the battle for a total of 1.7 seconds until she saw the quirk of his eyebrow and the hint of a smirk.

“Key word being _lady_ ,” Brock elucidated and Darcy let out a small huff of indignation. His smirk grew just a little bit dirty as mischief sparkled in his eyes. When he took a step forward, closing the distance between them, she caught a whiff of his spicy cologne. Darcy tried to ignore the flutter in her stomach and shiver down her spine. His voice lowered. “Oh yeah, what are you gonna do about it?”

“I would throw this wine in your face but that would be a waste of good wine,” Darcy said, swirling her wine again and taking a long sip. She took a step back and wondered if she could convince Madeleine to sneak her another glass. Or maybe she’d already had enough. The room seemed to spin. 

“There’s better wines,” said Brock with the authority that made him one of the best agents at SHIELD. “Better Italian wines. I can give you a private food and wine tour of the Abruzzo region whenever you want.”

“Ugh, that better not be a euphemism,” Darcy said into her wine glass so her words sounded muffled but also a little more resonate. From the stupid grin on Brock’s face and the way he squared his shoulders, she figured there would have been euphemisms galore. Probably about his abs resembling the mountains ranges of Italy or something. As her face heated at the thought of his abs, Darcy tried to steer the conversation towards less sexy things. “Besides, I’ve never paid more than 20 bucks for wine and I’ve had no real complaints. Also, the 20 was for a 3-liter jug of wine someone made in their bathtub.”

“Oh god, Darcy,” Brock’s face twisted into absolute horror and voice dripping with legitimate concern. It seemed to be directed more at what life might have thrown at her rather than an actual estimation of who she was as a person. Which, who she was as a person really believed you didn’t need more than $20 to have a good time. Even if she spent way too much on Hermes, she didn’t mind budgeting for herself on things that didn’t matter that much. “We are changing that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with Barefoot. It’s a solid wine. So is, Chip’s Wine Drank, patent still pending,” Darcy winked, enjoying the way his nose wrinkled up and how his mouth opened just so in a frown. 

“Yeah, if you live in a trailer park and smoke menthols,” Brock said, distaste clear on his face. 

“Y’know, Jane and I sometimes buy box wines, take the bags out of the boxes and stack them in the fridge on top of each other,” Darcy waggled her eyebrows and she was certain her eyes shown like a maniac’s. “Saves space and money. That turn you on, baby?”

“You need an intervention,” Brock said, head turning away in complete disgust. His eyes were shut as he grimaced. Unable to keep a straight face, Darcy just burst into melodic giggles. She covered her mouth to try and keep her volume down since she didn’t want to attract the entire class's attention but that just caused her to snort laugh. She’d actually not done the box wine thing since college but it was good for a joke and maybe to cool Brock’s jets. If his were cooled, then maybe she could get her libido in check. Except, all the laughing actually turned her on more. There was something to be said about a man with a great sense of humor. Apparently, Brock Rumlow had the right kind and a fantastic set of muscles to go with it.

As Darcy tried to calm down and not interrupt the romance between the actual couples, Brock hushed her in an exaggerated manor. That only made her laugh more. Turning away from him, she gripped the edge of the counter and bit her lip. When she wiped the tears from her eyes, she realized the couple in front of them were both watching her.

“Oh, sorry to ruin your evening,” Darcy stuttered out, allowing the shame from her embarrassment to override the need to laugh. The couple in front of them were around their early sixties and appeared to be rather fashionable in an almost eccentric way that she admired. Their closets hadn’t left the 60s. The husband even wore a pocket square that matched his wife’s outfit. Total marriage goals.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” the woman said with a warm smile. “I was just telling Frank here, you two remind me of when we were young. How long have you been together?”

As Darcy opened her mouth to explain that she and Brock weren’t actually dating, Brock swung his arm around her shoulder and tugged her in close to his side.

“Honestly, it still feels like the first day before I got the courage to ask her out,” said Brock, laying the fake affection on pretty thick. “All the same jitters, y’know? And she still can’t keep her hands off me.”

Darcy tried to elbow him without being obvious as the older couple cooed over his description of their long-lasting relationship that had yet to leave the honeymoon phase. Not wanting to ruin their vibe, she just went along with Brock’s lies. What really worried her, though, was how she didn’t mind the way his hand rubbed her shoulder or the warmth that seeped into her body from his. In fact, the mix of whatever scent clung to his skin and the soft rumbling of his voice made her a little weak at the knees.

Obviously, the wine was getting to her head with her empty stomach. She ignored the fact that she’d eaten their entire appetizer while they’d waited for the steaks to cook.

* * *

 

About 2 hours later, Darcy found herself in the elevator, Hermes in her arms and planning to head back to her apartment. After class, Madeleine had to stay behind to help Jacque with some paperwork. Since Brock live in the same building as Madeleine, he offered to drive Darcy back. They’d had a nice chat and had as much fun as they did during the class. He even walked her to Madeleine’s door before going back to his apartment. When he said goodnight, her stomach dropped as she watched him walk away without looking back.

“You know what Madeleine did before I left?” Darcy asked Hermes, not expecting anything from him other than his usual whine. “She gave me two bottles of wine. Unopened extras. Then she winked at me and suggested they’d taste better with company. Her eyes made a distinct move to Brock. That’s crazy, right? Me and Brock.”

Again, Hermes just let out a short whine. The bottles of wine were still in Darcy’s large purse and she tried to balance both that and Hermes’s travel bag as well as the dog himself. She should go straight home and share the wine with Jane. Play with Hermes a little and then go to bed. But her body hummed with energy. She didn’t want to spend the rest of the night like that.

“I mean, up until recently, I didn’t even like him. But he’s actually kind of nice. And he makes me laugh. And he’s _super_ cute. But I swore off men. Except for you, Hermes. Though you don’t have balls, so I guess that makes you a eunuch,” Darcy mused and Hermes licked her chin. They were just about to reach the lobby floor but the further down the elevator went, the more her gut felt like it was about to go over the first dip of a roller coaster. As the doors opened out to the empty lobby, she let out a long exhalation of air and made up her mind. She pressed the button for the 9th floor and tapped the close door button until the doors slid back.

“Don’t judge me, Hermes,” Darcy insisted but she felt better already. If this attempt failed utterly, then she would take it as a sign to become celibate forever and adopt more dogs. “All because I don’t want a boyfriend doesn’t mean I can’t have fun. In fact, this is the best time for me to have some fun. Explore my sensuality as a single woman. I’ve only ever had sex with Stig. It’s only healthy for me to get out there. Figure out my actual kinks and not just the ones he liked. How will I actually know what I want in a guy if I don’t mess around with a few?”

Hermes let out a tiny bark and Darcy took that to mean he agreed. This time, when the elevator doors opened, she walked out confidently and headed straight to apartment 907. Brock mentioned the number on their drive back as he explained how he’d wanted a room with a nicer view but didn’t feel like he was around enough to enjoy it. Once she reached his door, she dropped Hermes’s bag to the ground and set Hermes down by her feet before knocking loudly. She waited a few minutes, trying to listen through the door for any signs of life. When there wasn’t any indication of footsteps, she knocked again. By the fourth attempt, she wondered if she really was going to become a celibate owner of a dog sanctuary. Then she heard a muffled curse. A very colorful curse at that.

With what she could easily tell was a violent tug, Brock opened the door. He took in a breath to yell but the angry words died as he saw Darcy.

“Listen Harry, I’m not buy- oh. Darcy. Wh-what are you doing here?” Brock asked, swallowing and she watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed. It was only a slight distraction from his bare, damp chest and magazine cover worthy abs. Apparently, she’d caught him in the middle of a shower since the only thing he wore was a towel slung low around his waist, held up with a fist. She could even see a patch of dark hair trailing below and those sharp pelvic muscle lines that only really dedicated gym rats got. Darcy stood at him with wide eyes for a long second because she almost forgot why she’d knocked on his door. Just as she tried to get her long-winded explanation out, Hermes let out a bark and then trotted past Brock into the apartment.

“Hermes! Bad boy! We only go into places we’re invited,” Darcy called after him but the dog didn’t seem to care. Brock watched Hermes with a slight frown and a raised eyebrow. Oh crap, she hoped he didn’t hate dogs. If he did, then she’d just have to fuck him a few times and peace out if he were up for sex with a dog owner. Though, now that her hyper fixation had been broken, she’d noticed a bulge at the front of his towel. Seemed she’d interrupted a very _specific_ type of shower.

“Uh, thanks for the dog?” Brock said, amused. He turned his head towards Hermes. Darcy could see just past Brock to where Hermes had jumped on the couch and started to scratch at the sleek leather.

“ _No_ ,” Darcy said forcefully and Hermes lay down with an indignant ‘woof’. The situation already was getting out of her control, which was not how she envisioned this moment. “I mean, sorry. He just kind of does what he wants.”

“That means you need to establish who’s the alpha,” Brock said, still watching Hermes with interest. The dog had decided he didn’t like his spot on the couch cushion and moved to perch on the top of the backrest.

“I’m not here for dog rearing advice,” Darcy said and Brock turned his head back to her, running his fingers through his hair to keep it from falling in his eyes. Water dripped from the ends, down his face and dropping onto his chest. She wanted to lick it off.

“Did you leave something in my car?” he asked, genuine concern knitting his brow and she could feel herself growing wet between her thighs. Because he cared if she left something important in his car by accident. Damn, either it had officially been too long since she’d had sex or she needed to date better human beings.

“No. I…well I was just thinking. I mean, wondering more so,” Darcy tried to explain but failing horribly. This was why she was a terrible flirt. She couldn’t be charming or sexy on the spot. She reverted to her usual state of awkward. Except, Brock was listening to her babble with the utmost concentration and she wished she could get her point across without feeling so uncertain. Letting out a calming breath, she decided that fortune favored the bold and hopefully her libido would thank her for it later.

Slowly dropping her purse to her feet and only wincing slightly when she heard the wine bottles clank together, Darcy squared her shoulders and took a step towards Brock. His eyes widened and his mouth opened in silent shock but he didn’t show any intentions of moving away. Grabbing his rough, stubble covered cheeks, she stood on her toes, titled her head and tugged him down for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chitarra, or ‘guitar’ is used to make a specific kind of pasta from the Abruzzo region of Italy. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghetti_alla_chitarra
> 
> Brock’s Italian inclination for sauce was inspired from a coworker’s funny story about her fabulous gay uncle who owned his own restaurant in the 70s or 80s. She tells me he and his co-chef (a French man) got into many fights when the other man tried to introduce more clean looking French cuisine and her uncle always would go "It needs more sauce! This is an Italian restaurant!”


	11. Talking Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your comments and kudos. They give me life. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
> 
> Rating Change Warning: Well, I didn't anticipate for this to go up in rating but here we are. Have some smut for humpday. It's my early Valentine's present. 😘 Majority of the smut occurs after the break if you'd like to skip. 
> 
> Title from Tove Lo's song, which I feel is an excellent Darcy/Brock song.

****

Brock didn’t waste any time reacting to Darcy’s risky tactic. Although she’d gone in for a heated but chaste kiss, Brock wasn’t going to let it end at that. He slowly tugged on her bottom lip with his teeth and she let out a thrilled gasp. Her entire body quivered. And this was probably like, only 13% effort on his part. Deepening the kiss, his arms wrapped around her to pull her close. His firm body pressed against her soft curves, one arm against her lower back and his other free hand squeezed her ass. The water on his chest dampened her dress but did nothing to lessen his body heat. Panting, needy murmurs and relieved gasps filled the air around them. Darcy’s nails dug into Brock’s shoulders as she lifted a leg and wrapped it around his hip. He held onto her thigh and pressed her against the doorframe, keeping his mouth on hers. She ran her nails down his back, earning her a sharp but pleased gasp.

Someone in the hall cleared their throat, conveying both disgust and longsuffering irritation. Darcy and Brock froze mid-kiss. Opening their eyes, they slowly broke their lip lock and turned their heads towards the intruder. A tiny woman in her 70s glared at them. In a garish floral dress and light pink cardigan, she clutched her purse in front of her. She looked like she was trying to put a curse on them.

“Hey Gladys, how was bingo? Win anything good?” Brock asked pleasantly, as if they were making friendly chatter in the elevator. Gladys’s lips pursed like she was sucking on a lemon and Darcy followed the woman’s eyes down to where Brock’s towel had come undone. It hung down to the floor, only being held up between Darcy’s and Brock’s hips. The essential bits were hidden but his ass was bare for Gladys’ viewing displeasure. Obviously, she’d led a sour life because Darcy’s grandma would have already taken a picture on her flip phone. Brock obviously did not skip squats during his workout.

“Hi, I’m Darcy,” chirped Darcy and if anything, Gladys gasped as if she’d been attacked by a hoard of lemons.

“I’m going to let the co-op board know about this. This isn’t a brothel,” warned Gladys, shaking her head and shuffling to her door, which was conveniently located across the hall from Brock’s.

“If my apartment is the brothel, am I the hooker?” Brock asked, clearly amused by the fact he could easily give this woman a stroke. Gladys pulled keys from her purse, continuing to glare as she unlocked her door. Brock glared back as if daring her to try and get the co-op to kick him out.

“Yeah, how about we go inside?” Darcy suggested, not enjoying this weird tension that now filled the hallway. Was Brock at war with this tiny old woman? She couldn’t weight more than 100 pounds. All things considered, she looked like a nice little old lady despite her anger at Brock being naked in the hallway.

A little, devilish smirk quirked the corners of Brock’s lips as he geared up to latch on to unintended innuendo and give poor Gladys a heart attack. Darcy raised a warning finger to his face, which he bit with a filthy grin.

“You’re not gonna get me naked if we stay in the hall to piss of a sweet little old lady,” Darcy whispered, hoping just a little that Gladys was hard of hearing. The woman harrumphed, walked into her apartment and closed the door with a passive aggressive snap.

“Don’t feel bad for Gladys,” Brock said with a tired but aggravated tone that suggested this had been a long and dragged out war or like it was wintertime in the trenches. What the hell did that grandma do to get on his bad side?

“Okay, not to sound like a douche bag, but I’m kind of losing my lady boner,” Darcy said and Brock’s brow rose in surprise. “As much as I’d love to hear about this sordid past you and Gladys share, maybe it can be a good pillow talk story after we do the deed?”

Without another word, Brock pressed a short, opened mouth kiss against her neck and tossed her up in the air. She let out a tiny scream until he caught her in his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist to keep balance as he reached down to grab her two bags then walked into his apartment, closing the door with his foot. By this point, the towel had fallen completely to the ground and Darcy knew he left it outside in the hall to piss off Gladys.

 

* * *

 

In no time, he’d sat her on the couch and helped her kick off her shoes. They returned to kissing with enthusiasm. Brock settled himself between her legs, water from his hair dripping down her chest.

“How many glasses of wine did you drink?” Brock asked, licking off the water droplets from her chest, paying extra attention to the horizon line of her tattoo. “Just so I know how much of an asshole I was when I wake up tomorrow morning.”

“One and a half. Two if you wanna count all those samples as one whole glass instead of the half. Totally sober,” Darcy promised, running a finger slowly down his spine and enjoying how he shivered at the touch. “So, you’re not being an asshole. In fact, you stopping right now without a good reason would make you an asshole.”

“Good, because I would very much like you to remember this and have no regrets,” Brock nipped at her collarbone and she felt her nipples pebble against her bra.

“Oh, I’m totally gonna remember this. As long as you make it memorable,” challenged Darcy and she could feel his grin against her skin, skimming along the outer edges of her tattoo. One of his hands slowly lifted the side of her dress so he could run his hand along her thigh.

“That’s definitely a challenge I’m willing to take on,” Brock said. She could feel his voice rumbling in his chest. He shifted up so they were eye to eye. “But seriously, you’re of sound mind and-”

“Uh, I used to drink bathtub wine. And last month, I drank half of a box wine in one day while booking an entire conference weekend for Jane, including coherent emailing back and forth about a panel she was going to be a part of. I can handle my booze,” promised Darcy, rubbing the tip of her nose against his. 

“Fuck, don’t talk about box wine while I have a hard on. It’s confusing me,” Brock closed his eyes as if he were in physical pain. Darcy let out a delighted but wicked laugh. He shifted between her legs and she could feel said hard on pressed against her inner thigh. Even though she’d not had a good look at it, it felt pretty impressive. “Also, just because you’re a high functioning alcoholic doesn’t mean you’re any less drunk.” 

“Two glasses of French wine. Do you want me to walk a straight line? I promise I am of sound mind and can tell you exactly what I want. Which is us both naked and having fun times,” Darcy said, moving her head to the side so she could try and admire the view. She could make out the curve of his ass and it was exquisite. Gladys obviously needed glasses if she were angry at it. “You’re already way ahead on the naked part, so I applaud your enthusiasm.”

“Ah, fuck it,” Brock said, moving to suck on Darcy’s neck. It tickled at first and she let out a little giggle.

“That’s the hope. You have any condoms? I think I have one in my bag-” Darcy said, trying to turn and see where he’d dropped it. There must be one somewhere in the black hole that was her junk purse. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to wait to move to the bedroom yet. One quick fuck then they could take their time. Just as she’d caught sight of her purse by the kitchen island, Brock reached over to the coffee table and opened a leather-bound book to reveal the pages had been cut open for a secret cavity. A cavity that held a tiny handgun and some condoms.

“Uh, okay James Bond,” Darcy snorted a laugh. If he weren’t a SHIELD field agent then she’d be a little more concerned about the gun but she’d come to learn that the field agents made it a game to hide guns in the most ridiculous places. And…upon closer inspection, the book appeared to be a bible. Brock grabbed a condom and grinned.

“Bond doesn’t have anything on m- ahh! Fuck!” Brock jumped back with something that was between a grunt and a scream. Darcy turned her head just in time to see Hermes scuttle to the other end of the couch. He let out a sad cry, tail between his legs and wide eyes staring at Darcy, begging to be held and comforted.

“Oh, sweetie, are you okay?” Darcy asked Hermes.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Brock said, trying to rub a spot in the middle of his back. “I think he just jumped on me.”

“I wasn’t talking to you but I’m glad you’re fine, too,” Darcy snickered at his frown as he moved to look at Hermes once he realized her concern had solely been for the dog. “He must have thought you were trying to hurt me. I’ll just get his favorite blanket and toy from his bag and set him up somewhere. Can I fill one of your bowls with water for him?”

She scooted off the couch, taking a moment to take a long look of Brock’s naked form ( _very_ impressive hard on, just as she suspected, vein and everything) and then focused her attention on Hermes, shivering all alone.

“What am I supposed to do while I wait for you?” Brock asked with a pout, leaning against the couch and laying his arms across the backrest in an inviting pose. She could see some of his tattoos along his arms and was surprised he didn’t have any chest pieces. With his chiseled body, he’d look great with a few. Darcy bit her lip and he smiled when he saw her pursing glance.

“I don’t know, put on a condom and wait for me to get back?” Darcy suggested.

“What? And just be a guy sitting on a couch wearing a condom and watching his dick deflate?” scoffed Brock and Darcy couldn’t help but laugh at that image. How long did he think she was going to take to fill a bowel of water and entice Hermes to a warm corner? Impatient much? Then again, she didn’t want to run to his room for condoms, so she wasn’t one to judge.

“Just think about what kind of panties I’m wearing,” Darcy said in a husky whisper, she leaned over to brush her nose against his temple and ensured he got a good view of her cleavage. When he let out a frustrated groan, she bit his earlobe and stood back up with a wink. Then, she picked up Hermes, kissed him on the top of his head and grabbed a throw pillow that had fallen on the floor. That would make a good bed for Hermes.

Once Hermes was swaddled in a blanket and cuddling with his plush unicorn in a cozy spot, she went to put his extra food in the fridge. Since she splurged on fresh dog food, she didn’t want to risk it going bad. Also, if she ended up staying the entire night, she wouldn’t have to worry about Hermes’ breakfast.

She did end up taking a little extra time as she filled a bowl with water, since she wanted to peruse Brock’s kitchen and get a better sense of him. It was clean and sparse but she did notice a nice, Italian coffee maker and food processor on the granite countertop. There was even a wine fridge probably containing a lot of fancy, Italian wines. Since there were a few open slots, she one of the French bottles in and opened the other. Filling two large wine glasses she found in one of the cabinets, she returned to the living room and found Brock still leaning back on the couch.

It didn’t appear that he’d taken her advice, since he’d not put on a condom but he clearly tried to dry his hair with a throw blanket. His damp hair now stood in all directions and from his smirk, she could tell he had her panties on his mind. His eyes slid to the wine glasses she held.

“I mean, I’m still sober but I wouldn’t mind another couple of glasses. French wine apparently gets me in the mood,” Darcy said with a tiny shrug and set the glasses down on the coffee table. Then, with a wicked smile of her own, she reached under her dress she slid down her panties with what she hoped was a cute wiggle, making sure Brock didn’t get a view until it slid past her calves. Stepping out of her large, shapewear granny panties, Darcy picked it up and threw it at his face. He caught it with one hand. With a raised eyebrow, he unfolded the tan fabric and lifted them up so he could get a better look.

“Oh, I was completely wrong. But I’m not surprised,” Brock said and Darcy tried to hide her smile with an exacerbated sigh, crossing her arms over her chest. He looked way too pleased.

“Not sexy enough for you?” Darcy challenged, reaching down to pick up a wine glass and take a small sip.

“No, just bringing back sad memories of Gladys breaking my heart,” Brock said with an exaggerated sigh and soulful, puppy dog eyes.

“I know you’re joking but I really hope that isn’t true, you grave digger,” Darcy laughed, snorting into her hand. “That’s my term for the reverse cradle robber.”

“For the record, I did not bang Gladys nor did I ever want to. Also, my dick’s starting to go soft on me and that’s my fault,” Brock said, tossing Darcy’s panties out into the living room without much attention to where they landed. When Darcy looked down between his legs, she didn’t notice much of a difference in size. She did notice that he had both girth and length, which she was quite excited about. Licking her lips, she reached back to take her hair out of her clip and let it fall past her shoulders. Brock let out a groan, reaching out for her. “We’re not mentioning Gladys again tonight.”

“Yeah, not talking about your ex, probably a good idea,” Darcy teased, earning an annoyed mumble but she let him grab her hand and pull her forward to stand between his knees.

“You’re gonna regret that,” Brock warned but his menacing tone was undermined by his silly grin. He took the glass from her hand and set it down on the coffee table.

“Okay, you started this,” Darcy insisted but was sure she was mirroring his grin now. An easy playfulness she’d not really experienced with anyone was making her giddy. She’d made out with a few guys, heavy petting with some but it had never been this fun. Even Stig hadn’t caused her to have this sense of gleeful anticipation. It made her confident somehow and while she’d always enjoyed sex with Stig, she always felt clumsy or inept during the act. Like they weren’t doing it quite right but didn’t know how to fix it.

“So, I’m assuming we’re having sex more than once tonight,” Darcy said, unzipping the back of her dress and slipping out of the sleeves. She let it hang around her waist and enjoyed the way Brock’s eyes darkened at the sight of her pale, tattooed skin and black bra. He licked his lips.

“Fair assumption,” Brock agreed, voice gruff and deeper. Tomorrow was going to be laundry day for her since she was very low on clothes, including underwear. So, she had to start wearing her fun, frilly sexy bras to work underneath her sweaters. It had actually been kind of fun- like she had a secret no one else knew about. She bought a lot of bra and panty sets to impress Stig before their last breakup. He’d not gotten a chance to see them and she didn’t realize how empowering it had been to wear them for herself and not him. Tonight, she wore a black mesh bra, revealing the skin beneath except for red hearts covering her nipples. It was also a surprisingly good bra too, since it made her girls look extra perky. Very difficult to find with her sizing. If she’d not preferred shapewear under dresses, she’d have worn the matching panties.

Brock reached out to try and get her to sit on his lap but she resisted. Clearing her throat, she continued, already feeling herself blush at her bold request. “Okay, I was hoping the first time could be quick and hard because I really don’t want to wait. Then we can do whatever you want. Slow, teasing, hard again, whatever. You want me to make enough noise to make Gladys to call the cops with a noise complaint, I’m game.”

“Fuck, baby,” groaned, closing his eyes and leaning his head back so she could see clearly see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. His hands ran up and down her thighs, fingers caressing the bottom of her ass. “Last time you’re allowed to mention her but yes to all those things. And I’m gonna give you a reason to be loud, so don’t worry.”

Once he opened his eyes, he slid on a condom then helped Darcy straddle his lap. Sharing a deep kiss, she lined them up and he worked his way into her wet warmth. It took a few tries for him slide fully to the hilt but Darcy shivered when their hips met. They moaned into each other mouths, enjoying the new sensations for a long moment before falling into a quick rhythm. Brock’s fingers held a bruising grip on her hips. He tilted his head down to lick and suck on the heart covering her nipple. This angle hit her in just the right place and she let her back arch, moaning with abandon. After a breathy gasp and a plea for _more, please more_ , he slid out of her, lay her down on the couch and didn’t stop pounding until she came. After he quickly followed with a grunt, he buried his face in her breasts to catch his breath.

“I’m eating you out next,” Brock mumbled into her skin and Darcy grinned. It was going to be a long night but she was so ready for it.


	12. She's Casual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for your comments and kudos! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
> 
> Song title from The Hunna's song. The acoustic version of which would give current state of mind Brock many feels. That and Bad For You.

Keep it casual. That’s what Darcy had requested and Brock agreed with barely concealed indifference. Thankfully, they were cuddled in bed with the lights out by the time she laid down her rules. So, she didn’t notice his grimace. There never was a time in his life that Brock had been upset at that suggestion. In fact, he was the one usually asking to keep things casual. No strings or commitment meant he didn’t have to worry about a woman getting upset at him always being gone for work and him inevitably losing interest. A promise to end things once it turned bitter or inconvenient? It meant he could move on the next sex partner without guilt.

The perfect offer for Brock. The perfect agreement. Darcy didn’t even want to announce their shift in relationship to anyone, including Jane and Jack. Brock understood her reluctance. Her last relationship had been with someone she wanted to marry. That meant Brock was the rebound. It bruised his ego even if he’d happily been the rebound more times than he cared to count.

She felt they would have more fun without anyone the wiser. That it would make it easier on them when it ended. No one would be asking about all the sordid details- none of their business to begin with. After the shit he’d recently heard floating around SHIELD, he didn’t want to give anyone excuses to talk any more crap about her. Of course, if they did, he’d step in. Told her without a second thought that he would but she didn’t want anyone defending her. If SHIELD found out about them too early on, he could only imagine the stupid shit the paralegals would be spewing that might make her second guess if he was worth the trouble.

The request to not tell their closest friends had come as a surprise to him. When she explained that Jane always judged her dates and boyfriends to the point that Darcy often second guessed what she wanted, Brock agreed. He didn’t want her to eventually second guess him because of what someone else said. Of course, he preferred her being confident enough to know she wanted to be with him. But she just needed time and space for that.

Brock agreed to all of this but Darcy didn’t know that he had no intention of staying her secret rebound. Even if he used to jump at the chance to keep things casual, it left a sour taste in his mouth when he thought about doing that with Darcy. He’d known during the cooking class that one night with her wouldn’t be enough. When he said goodnight and walked to his door, he wasn’t even sure if he’d get tired of her after a few decades. After sex, he was completely screwed and not in the good way (though the good way was oh so exquisite).

Brock’s father had told him that he’d _know_ when he found the right girl. Like angels would sing and a halo would just light up behind her, or some shit like that. There were a few times he thought he knew. A handful of women in his past that he thought maybe it would be different with but no real lightning bolt moment to affirm his father’s romantic notions.

But when Darcy laughed at one of his stupid jokes, the colors around him just shone in more vivid tones. He’d not known what the old man meant until now. And he wasn’t going to let her walk out of his life because she was the one scared of commitment this time. For the first time since falling to what he’d thought was his death in DC, Brock sent a prayer up to whatever higher being there was. _Please_ let her fall in love with him. It was gonna kill him to let her go if he couldn’t make it work. He had to show her that everything would be alright. Show her why Brock was the right guy for her and have faith she would agree.

Which was why Brock could be found at 6:45AM in the elevator with a crying Hermes on his arm. There were many ways to Darcy’s heart and he intended to take each pathway. But Hermes? Hermes was a key in unlocking it. Brock realized this about 10 minutes ago when a whine woke him up. He and Darcy had only fallen asleep about 2 hours prior. Still curled up in the duvet, Darcy was dead to the world (a fact that Brock couldn’t help but be proud of). So dead she didn’t hear Hermes snuffling around the bedframe and crying out for attention. Deciding that Darcy deserved to sleep through the morning and be woken by him making her breakfast, Brock got up to spend some quality time with Hermes.

Hermes didn’t seem all that impressed with the turn of events but he still wagged his tail when Brock pulled out the leash. With treats in his pocket and a ball in hand, Brock enticed Hermes out with a promise of a nice run in the closed off area reserved for the dog owners of the building. Except, Hermes was afraid of the elevator so Brock had to carry him into it. Much to the amusement of the guy already leaning up against a corner. He was built like a rugby player and had colorful tattoos up his arms and neck. He also had a nose ring and a messy, floppy blonde mohawk. From the water bottle in his hand and sweats he wore, Brock assumed he was going to the gym on one of the lower floors.

“You just moved in, right?” asked Brock, remembering the guy using a dolly in the lobby a few days ago. While Brock didn’t know everyone in the entire building, he did try to familiarize himself with the faces in case someone from his past sneaked through the security measures. The security being SHIELD monitored cameras in the lobby. They sometimes put them in at the residences of agents that had a higher risk of enemy retaliation. Given that Brock had infiltrated Hydra at such a high level, it seemed like a good precaution. He’d also hate for anyone else to get hurt here, just because he moved in.

“Yeah, floor 12. Got any advice for a new tenant?” asked the man with an amused smirk as Hermes let out a sudden cry.

“Uh, Harry on 5 will try and get you involved in this thing called Nutri-Boom. It’s a pyramid scheme. The gym’s busy around this time and at 6PM. Oh, and stay away from Gladys. She’s a grumpy old bat and looks for any excuse to talk to the co-op board if you got tats. Tiny thing, about 75, yea high, likes bingo,” said Brock, using his free hand to indicate Gladys short stature. Quite a few years back, Brock saved one of the co-op board members and his son when they got caught in a terrorist attack during a vacation. That meant they pretty much ignored any complaints about him, long as he kept things legal. Complaints also only came from Gladys but he didn’t know if she’d start complaining about this new guy for no reason other than her hate of ink. At least, that’s why he thought she hated him. He honestly didn’t know why she had it out for him since day one. Gladys seemed pleasant to everyone else but him. 

“Good to know, don’t invest in pyramid schemes and don’t talk to old bats,” nodded his elevator companion with pursed lips. Hermes continued to cry loudly and Brock let out a tired sigh. The dog was still shaking in Brock’s arms and he gave the small dog what he hoped was a reassuring pat.

“Damn Hermes, why are you still crying? I thought you wanted to go outside?” Brock mumbled. Maybe the dog was just afraid of closed spaces?

“No offense man, but that’s a weird looking dog,” said the other man. “Also, I don’t think it likes you.”

“It’s the girlfriend’s dog,” Brock said without a thought then decided to correct himself. If he wanted to win Darcy, he needed to respect her wishes and ‘not label themselves’. There were a bunch of other rules but he was only half listening by that point. He’d follow most of the ones that didn’t completely ruin his plans to seduce her into commitment. “Well, I’m hoping the girlfriend. I figure the first step to getting her to agree is to get this little guy on my side.”

“I hear ya man. Been trying to get in touch with my ex and apologize but she’s not answering any of my messages,” sighed the man with a bitter but sad laugh. “Was gonna send her flowers today. Hope you have better luck with your chick. Nice tats by the way. Sak Yant, right?”

“Yeah,” Brock twisted his arm so it was easier to see and the man took a step closer to examine the craftsmanship. “Got them done in Thailand a couple years back by a monk. I’m slowly making sleeves, even if I’m later to the game.See you’re way ahead of me. Great color work, man.”

“Thanks. A couple buddies of mine did the bigger pieces for me,” said the man, raising up one of his arms to show off the sleeve of classic Americana tattoos. There was a pin up girl, a wolf’s head, snake and dagger, a ship and a skull. It all coordinated together with popping colors and Brock couldn’t help but be envious. “I’m a tattoo artist, actually. Just moved back to the area. If you want some stuff done, check out my website and give me a call,” said the man, digging into his pocket and pulling out a card from the sleeve on the back of his phone case. Brock took the card, stuck it in the hand holding Hermes and then reached out for a handshake.

“I’ll let you know. My girl’s into tattoos. Maybe I can romance her with a tattoo date? Or just pay for one. No couple’s tats or anything though,” Brock assured but if Darcy wanted him to get her name tattooed onto him, he might actually consider it. Or maybe a pinup version of her. How was he already whipped? 

“Gotta agree with you on that. Especially if your relationship hinges on that dog liking you. With the way he’s crying, I don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon,” joked the man and Brock had to laugh. There were other ways to win Darcy over. Luckily, he had a lot of talents up his sleeve and instinctual drive to see her happy. He wouldn’t stop trying to win Hermes’ favor, though. The elevator reached the gym floor and the doors slid open.

“Well, have a nice work out,” Brock said with a nod. “Guess I’ll be seeing you around the building. My name’s Brock, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you Brock. I’m Stig. Good luck with the rat-dog and the girl. Hopefully I’ll see you two at my shop,” Stig smiled, raising his hand to wave as he walked off the elevator. Once the elevator doors closed, Brock looked down at Hermes and lifted him up so he was a little closer to face level.

“You’re not a rat-dog. I think you look fine. A nice, compact Italian dog. The Ferrari of dogs. I bet I can get you to catch rats, though. Hunting is in your blood. You just need a good alpha. I might not be able to get you to like me as much as I hope your mama likes me, but I’ll settle for you tolerating me,” Brock said, scratching Hermes behind the ears. The little guy licked the arm holding him up and stopped crying for a long moment.

That was a good start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> His tattoos are not the reason why Gladys hates him. 😬🤫  
> Also I went back and forth on modeling Stig's look off of Tom Hardy or Jason Momoa but I couldn't make those guys assholes...so I made an amalgam of tattoo models in my head.


	13. Science Interlude 3: Operation Feelgood, The Reprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! I love each and every one ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤

When Jack received a text Sunday afternoon stating there was a life and death emergency at the Foster-Lewis household, he rushed over. Luckily, he wasn’t caught running 2 stop signs and driving through a red light. He made what would normally have been a 25-minute drive into 15 minutes, snuck into the apartment complex by following a tenant in and didn’t even bother to knock on their door. The sight that greeted in him in the living room did not initially appear dangerous. That didn’t necessarily mean anything. Ever since his first days as a melon in the Australian Defense Force and more times than he cared to count following that, he’d learned over and over that first appearances were very deceiving.

So, he didn’t let the sight of Jane frowning at a giant teddy bear, box of chocolates and a ridiculously large vase of colorful flowers lull him into a false sense of security.

“Where’s the fire?” Jack asked, just a little bit out of breath. He’d run from the parking lot and up a few flights of stairs as he assumed it would be quicker than waiting for the elevator. At his question, Jane just waved a hand towards the flowers and let out a grunt of anger.

“We’re skipping our plan and going straight into Last Resorts. You’ve got to murder Stig,” Jane said without any other explanation, glaring at the flowers as if with the power of her mind alone, she could make them explode. Jack wouldn’t put it past her.

“Uh, back up. Where, when and most importantly, why?” Jack said, raising an eyebrow and staring at the flowers with suspicion. Sitting on the coffee table and the display was almost as tall as Jane. Clearly, they were key to what was happening in her brain. Either way, he was certain he’d been pretty clear on the ‘no murder’ policy his minion-hood came with. He moseyed on over to the coffee table that Jane stood over.

“I’m not sure yet. That’s why you’re here,” said Jane, taking a slower tone as if talking to a dumb dog. Jack knew that for a fact because it was the tone she used on Hermes. The other day, he’d swung by the labs and Jane was trying to explain to the dog that he wasn’t allowed to mark his territory in her lab. Rolling his eyes, he picked up the small card nestled in between a bird of paradise and a tiger lily.

“I meant why are we back to murdering? Not the hows of the murder- that I’m _not_ committing,” Jack insisted. Turning over the card answered a few of his questions. It was a short plea for forgiveness and promise of undying love. Signed Stig.

Ah. The drongo was back at it again. Still, an expensive plea wasn’t grounds for death.

“Stig will not give up on Darcy now that he thinks she’s ignoring him,” Jane crossed her arms and kicked the teddy bear. Now, _that_ thing was as tall as her and it was sitting on the floor. He was a little surprised it made it through the doorway.

“And he thinks Darcy’s ignoring him because you’ve had Daisy hack into her phone and make sure that he’s blocked,” reiterated Jack and Jane nodded. There was no indication that she saw anything wrong with her invasion of privacy. 

“Exactly. Stig’s one of those guys that wants things he can’t have,” Jane said and Jack quirked his head, fighting back a smile. Even if Stig was public enemy number 1, Jack felt no urgency against the bloke when he looked at Jane in a glorious tizzy. “Whenever he thinks Darcy is moving on, he jumps back in. It’s like he doesn’t want her to be happy with anyone but him.”

“I agree it’s an unhealthy basis for a relationship,” Jack said with a frown. While he would dislike whoever Jane dated if it were him, Jack at least would still want her to be happy. Why he was trying to explain this to himself, remained to be discovered but the wheels were already turning in his head. A magnificent, Jane worthy plan that made him feel just the slightest bit of guilt. “So, we get her in a healthier, happier relationship. And to make sure Darcy picks Brock, we have to get them together. Actually, physically in the same room, that is.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do but they’re avoiding each other,” Jane said, beginning to gesture wildly with her arms. Obviously, Stig’s unspoken but looming presence had affected her psyche. 

“You know, you’re too smart and you get bogged down by the details. Sometimes you forget that simplicity can be the best solution. I think we don’t need to get too complicated. I mean, the Ferris wheel is good in theory but too many moving parts. Like you said, it’s people who are unreliable,” Jack said and Jane nodded with pursed lips as she considered his words. “So, we just need a barebones plan here. Fill in the rest on the job as we go. Wing it.”

“What are you suggesting? We deviate from the binder?” Jane asked, chewing a little on her bottom lip and Jack was distracted until she prompted him to explain himself in a sharp tone.

“We could date,” Jack began to say but cleared his throat when he noticed Jane’s look of utter disbelief. “That is, we could pretend to date. Y’know, go on fake dates and insist our friends join us to help with awkwardness? It’ll get them in close proximity and in romantic situations.”

“That’s…actually not a bad idea,” Jane admitted, hand on her chin. Jack could practically see the algorithms that now flowed in front of her eyes as she considered the options.

“I occasionally have good oils,” Jack tried not to preen at Jane’s agreement. 

“That way, we can also keep an eye on them and intervene if something goes wrong,” Jane said. “Brock’s sister is going to give birth in the next couple of months and there's been some complications, so the Rumlows can’t fly out until after the baby’s born and healthy. I was going to scrap the Ferris wheel plan, anyway.”

“All we got to do is practice our smitten faces,” Jack beamed, hoping that maybe after a while, Jane’s pretend smitten face wouldn’t be so fake. Hoping the heat in his cheeks weren’t a blush, Jack focused his attention to the flowers. It really was a nice arrangement. Probably better suited in a hotel lobby than a small apartment but the oranges, yellows and burgundy flowers matched the colorful but chaotic décor. “Besides, these are bonzer. I’d hate for them to go to waste. Just tell Darcy I got them for you. I’ll grab a card from down the corner and write something silly about asking you on a date. Say that came with the goodies instead of Stig’s note. See, filling in the barebones.”

“Okay, we’ll try your way again,” Jane conceded.

“Where is Darcy, anyways? She’s not gonna be back any second, is she?” Jack asked, turning his head towards the door as if she were going to burst through that very moment.

“Oh, she went to some cooking class last night and ended up hanging out with some of her tattooed friends,” Jane said with a blasé shrug. “They also hate Stig, so I can count on them to talk sense into her if the topic comes up. Honesty, they’re probably all getting tattoos. Saturdays are usually walk-in days.”

“Have you thought about getting them to join the minion ranks?” Jack asked, suddenly wondering if Jane had any ink herself. While she didn’t seem like the type, he could see her drunk in university and getting something like a carbon molecule or one of the planets.

“Yeah but they’d want to meet Brock first before agreeing to anything. It seemed like more trouble than it was worth but I’ll keep it on the back burner,” Jane said, turning her attention to the teddy bear. She frowned at the ridiculous creation. There really wasn’t much of a purpose than to shout out to the world that you needlessly spoiled others and that in itself was not altruistic. “What am I gonna do with this thing?”

“You could turn it into a chair. Keep the head, use the arms as armrests,” Jack suggested the first thing that came to mind. During his last mission, he ducked into a museum when trying to lose a tail. It ended up being one of those modern art museums and the featured artist must not have had a good childhood. Lots of doll and stuffed animal parts repurposed into everyday objects. The aesthetics of which Riley described as that troubled kid from Toy Story getting really into Warhol. Obviously, Jane thought his suggestion just as worrisome.

“Like a child’s nightmare?” Jane asked but then broke out into a laugh and Jack knew he was blushing now. He hoped the beginnings of his beard hid most of it. Turning around, Jane attempted to sit down on the bear but it’s potbelly made it hard for her to get into a comfortable position. She ended up sitting on one of its legs before it fell over on top of her. Pushing the bear to the side, she stood back up and started to drag it to a corner of the living room. Jack rushed over to help her as she mumbled something about Hermes definitely peeing on it within 3 days.

“You think that thing would’ve worked on Darcy?” asked Jack, genuinely curious. If you hollowed out some of the stuffing, you might be able to hide some valuables or install a panic button. Even use it to hide a secret exit. They sat the bear next to a chaise lounge pushed up against the wall. There was a mosquito net canopy with tinkle lights that hung over it and a small bookshelf. Probably Darcy’s doing.

“It might have. She likes soft things like plush blankets and shag rugs. If she could sleep in a pillow fort, I think she would,” Jane said, gesturing towards the reading nook. With a small pile of plush blankets, it looked like a nice place to take a nap- if Jack’s tall frame wouldn’t have hung over the side. “So, where are you gonna take me out on our first date?”

“Uh, a restaurant?” Jack suggested with a shrug and Jane wrinkled her nose ever so slightly. Clearly, she was not impressed with that. Given that Jack had been doing some research on his own for when he went on a legit date with her, he decided to speak a little more from the heart. When he caught her eye, he hoped his sincere eagerness for her approval of the date didn’t show too much. “How about the Pacific Science Center? They’ve got a rotating exhibit showcasing local research. Think they just opened one on smells and triggering memories. They also have a planetarium…though I guess you’d probably know everything they would present. I wouldn’t mind learning.”

“Oh…that sounds kind of nice, actually,” Jane said, eyes lighting up and lips quirking into a delighted smile. Her shoulders rose towards her ears and she looked kind of like a happy kid on Christmas morning. Jack’s throat tightened. When she remembered the ‘date’ was only a way to chaperone and trick their friends on a date, she tried to cull back her excitement. After a pause, she cleared her throat and shifted her weight. There may have been a slightly pink hue to her cheeks but Jack told himself he was imaging it. The silence felt heavy.

“So, uh…I’ll go get a card before Darcy gets back,” Jack said, pointing a thumb towards the door. Without waiting to hear more of Jane’s thoughts, he rushed out the apartment. As the door shut, he let out a long, slow breath. He was no longer sure if he wanted this set up plot to drag on or end soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the trope-y shenanigans begin! 
> 
> Also let me know what you think they should use the giant teddy bear for. I'm open to suggestions and 'fake date' ideas.


	14. Let's Stop, Before It Gets Messy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks as always for your comments and kudos. I love each one ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
> 
> Title from Kiiara's Messy. 
> 
> Also thanks to Liebekatze for some general insight to greyhound behavior.

“Baby, I said I was sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?” Brock pleaded through the locked door. When all he heard was muffled curses and the squeak of the bathtub faucet, he sighed. Arguing over some stupid mistake wasn’t how he wanted to spend his limited time with Darcy. Over the past 2 weeks, they’d been able to catch a handful of late nights and quickies before he had to head back out for missions. What had made the all the terrorists itch to get their misguided messages heard was beyond Brock but his free time had seriously been reduced.

Still, some assholes with guns weren’t going to stop Brock from meeting up with Darcy. He was just glad her place was so close to his or he’d feel worse about her sneaking out of her apartment at odd hours of the night. Nonetheless, they had fun. It didn’t take long for them to confirm they were extremely compatible in the bedroom but Brock had slowly been working in domestic things. Mostly because of his own time constraints. Laundry and groceries did not wait for terrorists. He’d been happy to find she was more than okay, even if some of it went against her initial rules. His crazy hours didn’t bother her either because she often had crazy hours of her own when Jane was in a period of more intensive data collection. Things were moving much more smoothly than he could have hoped for.

Except, nothing could be perfect for Brock Rumlow. His first full day off in over a week and instead of snuggling in bed, she locked herself in the bathroom and refused to let him in. As punishment, she was going to take a bath without him. All he’d wanted to do today was to relax with his girlfriend (even if she didn’t want to call herself that) at home. This was just unfair.

Looking down at his feet, Brock caught Hermes’ gaze. The dog wagged his tail and licked Brock’s big toe. Much to Brock’s relief, the dog was slowly warming up to him. All it seemed to take was some cuddles, dog treats and ear scratches. He’d even gotten used to the constant crying. Earlier this week, Darcy’s specially made Iggy clothes had been delivered. It was kind of ridiculous the amount of clothes she’d bought just so the dog could ‘pretend to be a human’. She’d bought a doggie raincoat, sweaters, hoodies, shirts and novelty onesies. They even made dog accessories like hats, scarves and tiny snow shoes. But, Brock had to admit that the dog seemed significantly less stressed when he wore clothes. Today, he trotted around in a black and white stripped shirt.

Next week, Brock planned on surprising Darcy by ordering a dog bed, personalized food bowls and toys, so she didn’t feel bad not lugging everything back and forth each time she visited.

“We got until 12:30 then we gotta leave for the double date,” Brock reminded her. It was 7:30AM now and they were still tired and obviously one of them was cranky. He’d gotten back from his mission around 1AM last night and the debriefing lasted until 2:20 AM. Darcy snuck out to meet him by 3 but they’d both been too tired to do anything other than sleep. He did thoroughly enjoy the cuddling. Even if Hermes slept on his chest. Then they’d woken up at 7:19 and he’d somehow fucked it all up in 11 minutes.

“I’m leaving at 10 to help Jane get ready,” Darcy replied, obviously taking some delight in her less than stellar information. 

“That’s even less time! Are you really gonna spend the rest of it angry at me?” Brock asked, not sure if Jane actually needed all that time and help. They were going to meet at a science museum. How dolled up were they getting?

“Yes!”

Letting out another sigh, Brock ran a frustrated hand through his hair, tugging on the roots. While he didn’t make a habit of getting involved with Jack’s love life, he had to wonder why the hell the Aussie decided on asking out Jane. Out of all the pretty scientists, he had to pick Darcy’s best friend. His last interaction with the Foster team was indirect since he watched Brock being too chicken-shit to ever do anything about Darcy’s sexy photos. Did Jack not think there might be some awkwardness if they all went on a double date? Of course, Jack didn’t know about their numerous hook ups and they didn’t talk about Darcy since the photo incident, so it was more of the principle than the actual facts at this point.

“Okay, well, I’m getting breakfast then. You want anything?” Brock asked but only got silence. To be safe, he would go with pancakes. A diner nearby made them with more flavors than he thought possible. When they stumbled upon Ashely’s Diner, Darcy became determined to try each flavor. She’d mentioned craving s’mores the other day and he was certain that was on the menu. Maybe too much sugar would make her forget she was angry. “I’m taking your dog hostage so you don’t just leave without saying goodbye.”

“Asshole!” Darcy shouted through the door. Normally, he would be offended but he just was glad for a reply. Picking up his collateral and pleased Hermes didn’t make as much a fuss as he used to, Brock headed out.

 

* * *

 

Darcy was towel drying her hair when she decided to venture out of the bathroom. After a nice, long, hot bath, she was feeling better. But, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to forgive Brock. Seriously, she’d _asked_ him not to in a joking manner because she didn’t think he’d actually…ugh. She didn’t want to think about it anymore. Plus, the asshole took her dog because he didn’t want her to leave without him knowing? Which, as a strategy, worked quite well because she totally would have left. Yet, here she was, wrapped in a warm, fluffy robe, admittedly significantly more relaxed but without her faithful companion.

Despite his complaints that they couldn’t spend as much time with each other today, Brock took almost 45 minutes to get back. That made her somewhat suspicious, but what his endgame was, she wasn’t sure. Though, he did have a point. If she weren’t so annoyed with him, she’d also be complaining. Not that she ever begrudged Jane getting any but she really didn’t expect to be told that the date was with Jack Rollins. Also, that she was nervous and wanted Darcy there as a buffer. Well, maybe the buffer part. Jane did not do well talking to what she still considered jack-booted thugs (literally in this case). Not out of nervousness but because she tended to offend them and Darcy needed to diffuse the situation so no one got shot.

Maybe things would be different with Jack. He seemed like a fun sort. Cute when he didn’t look terrifying and always there with a cheerful joke or comment. It could be good for Jane, who hadn’t found anyone to live up to Thor. If Jane didn’t focus on each tiny flaw again, then they actually might have a legitimate chance at going on a second date. Sometimes, Darcy thought all Jane needed was a rebound to break the boyfriend phobia she developed after Thor. Of course, she said this once to Jane and the scientist flipped, insisting that she didn’t need a guy for anything. So, Darcy never mentioned it again but she wondered if some of Jane’s constant judging of Darcy’s beaus were because she no longer had romantic faith in any male. If you couldn’t make it work with a god, who was left? 

Jane’s standards were now practically impossible to reach. Jack also didn’t seem like a guy she’d ever consider dating in the first place, which meant Jane probably had no real expectation of him. Which could work out in Jack’s favor, if he stepped up his game out the gate. The guy got her a huge ass teddy bear and way too big flowers to get her to agree to a date. Not Jane’s taste but Darcy gave it her seal of approval. A part of her had been a teeny, tiny bit jealous the presents had not been for her but Jane said she could totally have the bear. Darcy already named him Beary Manilow. She also caught Jane sniffing the flowers on several occasions. 

The only real long term difficulty of Jane dating Jack was that it would be harder for Darcy to hide her and Brock’s current…liaison. Not that Darcy was entirely ashamed. The time they had spent together was fun and Brock treated her a lot better than any guy she’d been with (this morning notwithstanding). He even rented her a spot inside his apartment complex garage so she didn’t have to walk from the open area visitor spots. All because he was concerned about her safety. Then he insisted to meet her at her car to help carry Hermes’ things. She already told him it was ridiculous since she had a Taser and offered to help pay but he shrugged her off.

But she didn’t really want to talk to anyone about her and Brock. She liked how things were organically growing. He was amazing at sex (not that she had much prior experience to compare) and a great cuddler and gave nice foot rubs. Also, he made fancy coffee and had a huge bathtub with Jacuzzi jets. She could admit to herself that she’d be sad when things inevitably ended. No guy kept acting this nice once he got what he wanted and she wasn’t bringing much to the relationship other than sex. At least, that was her experience since Stig tended to get bored after a few months of relationship bliss.

She’d rather mourn their end alone when all was said and done. When she and Stig broke up, everyone in her life had tried to handle her like a broken piece of china that needed to be glued back together. What she really needed was to be treated like nothing happened, otherwise she just kept getting unneeded reminders of how much her life sucked.

So, she and Brock would pretend they still disliked each other on their double date. Even though Darcy kind of wanted to move into his apartment. She wondered if she started secretly bringing some of her stuff over to make it cozier, would it freak him out when he noticed? They’d already gone grocery shopping earlier in the week and he’d bought her favorite cereals, bagels and white flour so she could bake. She decided to compromise on agave instead of refined sugar because Brock wasn’t sure how strong his will was if it were just lying around his place. Darcy liked his abs so she could live with it. Even if he wouldn’t eat much of that sugary, carby crap, she’d kind of been touched that he was fine with it in his kitchen. Stig had been such a health freak and wouldn’t allow that stuff in his apartment. If she snuck it in, he tossed it in the dumpster.

When Darcy walked out into the living room, she found Brock throwing one of Hermes’ toys and giving him a scratch behind the ears when he brought it back. It was totally cute they were bonding, she had to admit. On the small dining room table was a homemade cup of cappuccino and two plates of breakfast from the diner she was now in love with. As much as she wanted to stay mad at him, she saw the one plate piled high with decadent pancakes next to his egg whites, Canadian bacon and toasted Ezekiel bread he kept in his freezer. There was even a small plate of bacon and yolky eggs for her. Brock hardly shamed her for her food choices. If he did, it was a good-natured joke or actual concern for her cholesterol levels.

“Hey. I can warm up your pancakes if you want,” Brock offered, standing up straight when he saw Darcy. Shaking her head, she bent down to pick up Hermes when he scuttled to her. Kissing the dog on the head, she put him back on the ground and sat herself at the table. She was going to keep giving Brock the silent treatment out of spite. Taking a sip of the lukewarm coffee, which was still delicious, she noticed a pink envelope sitting under her plate. With a raised eyebrow, she pulled it out and sent Brock a glance.

She pulled out a light pink card that had watercolor flowers on the front. The text read ‘No one could ever take your daughter’s place in your life’.

“Did you get me a sympathy card for a dead daughter?” Darcy asked, in a state between shock and amusement. She tried to hold back her smile when she turned to look at him.

“They didn’t have a card for our thing,” Brock said with a shrug, walking over and taking the chair next to her. With an exaggerated sigh, she opened the card and read the company’s take on a child’s death. It appropriately said, ‘Praying time will begin to heal your heart with beautiful memories of love’. Rolling her eyes, Darcy then read the scrawl underneath that Brock added.

“I’m sorry you’re so hot that I came too early and it got in your hair,” Darcy sent what she hoped was an angry glare Brock’s way but she knew she failed in hiding her laughter. “You know that still puts the blame on me, you ass.”

“If you don’t want the blame for it then you should stop being so hot,” Brock insisted but Darcy let out a snort as she swatted his arm with the card.

“I just got my hair done! I asked you not to do it! Which, was a joke at first because I thought you weren’t a total pervert. I had to wash my hair and now it’s not straight and Jane will know something’s up!” Darcy insisted, taking a fork and roughly digging into her pancakes. If she were guessing correctly, it looked like the s’mores pancakes. She’d totally been thinking about trying them all week. The sugar helped ease her annoyance. Yesterday evening, she got a trim and the salon dried her hair so it was sleek and straight. Not an appearance she often had due to her laziness but one she was always excited about nonetheless. She hoped that it would last her few days before going back to her unruly curls.

“I’d normally promise not to do it again but I don’t want to set myself up for failure,” Brock said and Darcy just sent him an unimpressed eye roll. “How about I take you out next time you get your hair done and pay for it?”

“It might help a little,” Darcy said with aloofness. She didn’t want him to know that she kind of already forgave him. When he leaned in, slowly pulled her damp hair back and kissed her neck softly, she let out a blissful sigh.

“I like your hair curly,” Brock whispered in her ear and she could feel herself melting at the words. Her cheeks and chest were flushed and it wasn’t because of her almost too hot bathwater.

“Well, next time, just use your words. Not your balls,” Darcy said and Brock let out a loud laugh. Hermes barked. Pushing her chair back, she picked up Hermes and put him on her lap. He started to sniff the food but she gave him a firm ‘no’, which he ignored.

“Hermes, _no_ ,” Brock said and Hermes let a whine but ducked his head. Even though he set Brock an angry glare, he listened. Something he was doing less and less with her. She was pretty sure it was because she made him try on shoes. Hermes did not like shoes. 

“What the hell!” Darcy scoffed but Brock just smirked and took a bite of his egg whites.

“I’m just a natural born alpha,” he bragged.

“You better make an effort on the date,” Darcy said primly, ignoring his wide smile. They spent the rest of the breakfast teasing each other between fits of laughter and Brock occasionally stole sips of her coffee. It was something she thought she might have made a rule against but she’d not written them down and was kind of forgetting them. She supposed she should be worried that she wasn’t worried…but then he distracted her with a story about an enamored goat, Team Thunder and a very disgruntled Agent Riley.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been in Darcy's unfortunate situation but I know I'd be pissed because it takes so long for my hair to dry after being washed. 
> 
> Also googling Italian Greyhound + Clothes will make your day. 
> 
> Thanks for your teddy bear suggestions. I haven't decided yet if Beary Manilow will have a more important role but I will take your suggestions into consideration.


	15. Bad Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your kudos and comments! You're all awesome!

It was hard to read how the date was going. Overall, the Pacific Science Center was fun and had great exhibits, so was a good choice on Jacks’ part. Other than that, Jane and Jack seemed to be getting along but while Darcy could tell that Jack was interested, Jane’s attention always seemed distracted. Whenever they could, Darcy and Brock would give the other two space, since it was their date. An easy energy brewed between them and Darcy didn’t see any nervousness as Jane had insisted there would be. She even laughed at a lot of Jack’s jokes, more than she’d ever done with Thor. Mostly, Jane had fawned over Thor and sent him sultry or coy looks. As most women did when they realized his arms looked like that in real life. They ended up in a cycle of honeymoon then yearning for the other. Which Darcy completely understood given the circumstances but in the end, it wasn’t enough of a foundation to keep them strong through the arguments over how much time they had to spend apart (especially when there was no Skype in outer space and his trips kept getting longer).

Unfortunately for all men that tried their hand at wooing Jane, a god was tough to beat. Jack seemed to be holding his own. Jane always complained about when guys took her to too fancy restaurants so he was on the right track. Though, it was also fun for Darcy to go through the exhibits with Brock. Of course, they argued. At first for show but then it kind of turned flirty with Brock trying to impress her on the Calorie Bikes.

She did her best to steer it back to appear as if they were just 2 tagalongs on someone else’s date, even if she liked the way his muscles moved. Sometimes, she caught Jane and Jack whispering and looking at her. As if they were trying to gauge something. In the Science on a Sphere exhibit, some of the staff recognized Jane and began asking her questions about her research. It caught the attention of the other museum goers and the bolder began asking for her autograph and pictures.

When this sort of thing first started happening, Darcy was surprised to find that Jane actually liked the attention. It made sense. Since Jane had spent years being ridiculed, it was nice for her to finally get recognition for her brain. Darcy had to admit that Jack made a good body guard of sorts, gauging threat levels and sending the nasty eye to people being inappropriate when Thor became a topic. And his nasty eye was quite frightening paired with his resting bitch face.

“You know, they kind of make a cute couple,” Darcy said as she watched Jack take a photo of Jane with an adorable young budding scientist wearing a tutu and a NASA shirt.

“Y’think? I’m not sure she’s all that interested in him,” Brock said, standing close enough that their arms touched. She leaned in but not too much as to draw suspicion if their friends caught her.

“Jane tends to get blinded by pretty muscly guys with big brains and even bigger personalities. But it never really works out for her. I mean, Jack’s super attractive, don’t get me wrong,” Darcy said, pausing to send a playful glare at Brock when he cleared his throat at her observing Jack’s natural attributes. “He’s not a god but I think it’s good for Jane to date outside her type. Sometimes she needs someone to keep her tethered to the ground. For the sake of her own health. Also, someone who isn’t intimidated to follow Thor.”

“What advice should I give Jack? Since you know the most about her. He’ll probably ask my opinion,” Brock asked. Taking a moment, Darcy hummed in thought and risked laying her head against his upper arm.

“Keep her laughing and comfortable,” Darcy settled on that simple guidance. “She doesn’t laugh enough and she deserves having someone she can rely on who won’t go fighting aliens in space for undisclosed amounts of time with no texting.”

Before Darcy could elaborate anymore, her phone buzzed with a text and Brock let out a snort of laughter at the timing. When she pulled out her phone, she saw a text from Natasha. More specifically, a photo of Natasha in a floor length, red slinky gown. She’d obviously taken it while standing in front of a tall mirror and she had a silly face. With a smile, Darcy texted back a quick reply about it being maybe a tad too Jessica Rabbit for a respectable Georgia wedding. Brock began making those annoyed throat sounds again.

“Why is Romanoff sending you sexy pictures?” Brock asked, voice rough with indignation and dare she say it? Jealousy? That made sense. It was the Black Widow. Most of the male population would probably want her to send them boudoir photos. A lot of women too.

“She’s just asking for dress advice,” Darcy explained with a roll of her eyes. “She’s my date for my cousin’s wedding. It’s in a couple of weeks and I actually kinda forgot about it. That’s a compliment for you, by the way. This is supposed to be one of _the_ weddings of the year in Savannah. My aunt said I couldn’t be a bridesmaid and Katie had to agree since her parents are paying for everything. Still kinda sore about it.”

“I could be your date. If you wanted,” Brock offered, voice a low mumble. Darcy strained to hear him over the sound of screaming kids and excited chatter. At first, she thought she misheard him but she noticed his slight pout and dejected way he avoided her gaze.

“You want to go to my cousin’s wedding as my date? Filled with my passive aggressive family who hate Yankees like it’s the beginning of the Civil War?” asked Darcy, crossing her arms and waiting for Brock to hold her gaze. Her parents and maternal grandma were cool and even most of her cousins. It was the rest of the extended family that left much to be desired with their silver spoon opinions and snooty views. Her father and certainly been the black sheep of his well-to-do family, much to the relief of Darcy and her mom. Of course, none of this was something she’d subject Brock to, since they were supposed to be casual. Casual sex partners did not meet each other’s parents at family weddings.

Family politics was also a big reason why she’d begged Nat to go with her. No one would dare say a bad word, passive aggressively or not, in front of the Black Widow. Well, her aunt Caroline might but that stood to be more entertaining than anything. Since aunt Caroline still refused to send her a Thanksgiving invite after meeting Stig, Darcy thought she deserved some fun.

“I mean, if you want me to. Yeah, I’d be there for you. I can handle crap family and…would be more than happy to support you. Or piss them off more,” Brock shrugged, trying to act as his confession was not a big deal. There was a pink tint to his cheeks she could just make out through his stubble. Darcy couldn’t help the warmth that seeped through her chest. He was kind of adorable as a bashful guy. And the offer was incredibly sweet and she could tell held no conditions.

“I invited Nat ages ago. Before there was even an inkling of anything between us. It was right about the time my aunt vetoed Katie’s decision to have me in the wedding party. Said my tattoos were not ‘becoming’ for a Bradshaw wedding,” Darcy said, knowing her face was becoming a blotchy, patchy red mess in her anger and residual embarrassment. Aunt Caroline had not done anything to soften the blow or even took Darcy aside to say this. It had been at a family gathering. In front of everyone. Katie had been mortified but not nearly as much as Darcy. “And even though I’m not a bridesmaid, she keeps sending me pictures of long sleeved and high necked dresses she says are ‘appropriate’ for me to wear. Of course, I’d never tell her both of her daughters got tramp stamps during spring break because they thought I was super cool. At least my tattoos have thought and meaning.” 

“Your aunt sounds like a bitch,” Brock said carefully and Darcy let out a short bark of bitter laughter. While Darcy tried not to be a tattoo snob and her cousins were great, it just added insult to injury. She was flattered that her cousins thought she was pretty damn cool with her tattoos and job that allowed her to chill with Avengers and aliens. Even if the elders of the Bradshaws did not agree. She never really understood their dislike of her but it had affected her enough that she dropped ‘Bradshaw’ from her hyphenated last name when she turned 18.

“Yeah. She is. Always had it out for me, even when I was a kid. She liked to remind me that I was too chubby,” Darcy sighed. That still hurt too. “Which, the doctors said I was totally in my weight group. Thank you very much. One of my earliest memories of Aunt Caroline is her telling my mom I needed to go on a diet.” 

“What? Who says that about a kid?” Brock asked, voice louder with his disbelief and anger. 

“But it’s why I wanted Nat there. I figured anyone that might be an asshole to me might tone it down with an assassin around. That and Nat knows how to bend a room to her will. It’s just a bonus that my aunt will flip if she thinks I’m a lesbian on top of being tattooed. Simple revenge. Not an indication that I want to shack up with Nat,” Darcy assured and Brock seemed to relax again. “Besides, I don’t think I’m Nat’s type. She seems to prefer taller, more badass ladies. A little birdie told me she was dating Maria Hill.”

“How can you not be anyone’s type? Always knew Romanoff was off her rocker,” Brock scoffed, standing up taller and clenching his jaw when he realized he’d said his thoughts out loud.

“So, you were upset that Nat was sending me pictures because you thought she was trying to sleep with me? Not because you were jealous that I was getting the pictures instead of you?” Darcy asked, knowing that it might be opening a can of emotion worms but she was curious and kind of wanted to see if he squirmed. She didn’t begrudge him if he thought Natasha was hot because _Darcy_ thought Natasha was hot. Though, Stig had gone on and on about Nat when he learned Darcy knew her. Even inquired about a threesome. As understanding as Darcy thought she was, that had a crossed line.

“Technically, it’s not my business if you want to sleep with her since this thing between us is…casual. I just know that she’s tough competition if that’s who I’m trying to contend with in keeping your attention. Was wondering if I need to up my game,” Brock said in his slow, careful voice, as if he were trying to avoid landmines. Still, there was a small pout on his face despite his blank expression. 

“If Jane and Jack weren’t here, I’d kiss you,” Darcy admitted with a tiny grin and laugh. She could feel her cheeks warm up in what she hoped was a more flattering blush and the warmth in her chest had spread to the rest of her limbs. She felt like she was floating. “And you’re doing quite well keeping my attention. Like, A plus, extra credit work, on track to be a TA. Don’t worry about Nat. She just likes to make people squirm and a roomful of my family after hearing about all the things they’ve said happened to be an exciting challenge for her.”

“Oh, okay. Good. Cool, cool, cool,” Brock pursed his lips to hide his grin and nodded, trying to sound nonchalant but failing horribly because you could practically spread his smugness on toast. 

“But next horrible wedding I have to attend, I’ll let you know,” Darcy offered, using her shoulder to bump him. “Though, I do have to warn you. My grandma might try and pinch your ass. But I guess you must already be used to getting the older ladies all hot and bothered.”

“Why ya gotta always bring it back to Gladys?” Brock whined but he failed to hide a chuckle. Reaching down while Jack and Jane were distracted by a staff member asking if Jane were interested in some of the upcoming events, Brock took Darcy’s hand in his and squeezed.

“She’s the looming presence between us. I know you miss her and I can’t ever compare,” Darcy said with a faux sorrow and sniffle. Lacing their fingers together, she stepped closer to him so their bodies hid the minor display of affection.

“You’re the only girl whose hair I accidently greased with my own gel. That’s a compliment, by the way.” Brock shot back and Darcy gasped, surprised he’d even mention it again. Then she laughed. And couldn’t stop laughing. She let go of Brock’s hand and gripped her stomach as she doubled over. Some smaller kids watched her with curiosity and adults gave her strange looks. Eventually, they caught the interested glazes of Jack and Jane.

“I’m honored,” Darcy said in between guffaws. When she was able to calm down somewhat, she took in a few deep breaths. Since their friends were still watching them, Darcy punched Brock on the arm. She did more damage to herself.

“You _cannot_ punch. I’m gonna have to teach you,” Brock said as they made their way back to Jack and Jane. 

“Why? So, I can punch your sperm the next time they come after me?” Darcy challenged under her breath, just in case Jack had good ears. The crowd had begun to disperse and the staff were asking for an email address so they could send event vouchers to Jane. Before Brock had a chance to reply, she’d introduced herself with her work schmooze smile and wrote down her email.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have head cannon for this 'verse that Brock hit on a girl at a bar, things were going well but then she saw Nat walk in and completely ignored him. He does not want to loose another girl to Natasha. Or to another Avenger for that matter, 'cause it's happened a few times.   
> Also, how could I have a story about matchmaking without Natasha, who is still desperately trying to find Steve a date?


	16. Just Asking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos. You guys are the best! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤 I'm a little sick right now but I really wanted to get this out, so hopefully it's good enough quality. 
> 
> Also slight warning, things get a little graphic private part wise towards the end. But I feel like with this rating, it's all par for course.

The clearing of a conceited throat announced Alana Smyth’s appearance in the lab doorway. A couple weeks, Maria Santiago came back from maternity leave and phased back into the R&D contracts. As far as Darcy was concerned, that meant Alana didn’t have a reason to be in the labs. Good riddance. Her bad vibes stunk up the place. Also, she totally would have blabbed on Hermes, who was still in the grey area of if he were allowed in SHIELD. Though, Madeleine had been able to bring both her Iggys into work this week. Luckily for Darcy, Hermes was chilling with Fitz in the lab down the hall because Jane sometimes needed breaks from the whines. Although Hermes took to the Scot about as well as anyone, Fitz was determined to win the dog’s affection. Also, he had sworn on his life that he’d make sure no one took Hermes’ lab rights away. 

“Hey girl, what’s up?” Darcy asked with false civility, offering the most genuine smile she could, given the circumstances. Jane looked up from her current corner of the lab with a frown. She did not like her ‘quiet time’ interrupted.

“Hey Darce, I hope I’m not bothering you two. I just had some time during lunch and wanted to say hi,” Alana said, waving her fingers at Jane and winking. Sashaying into the lab, she moved to sit on the corner of Darcy’s desk. Setting her phone face down, Darcy tried to keep her smile in place. She’d just been in the middle of texting Brock, who was complaining about the yearly HR refresher all staff had to take. They were mostly online courses pertaining to the different departments. Darcy had to take one on lab safety. According to Brock, field agents had one for SHIELD information privacy, which was significantly longer than Darcy’s. She was pretty sure complaining about the refresher via text was probably one of the ‘privacy’ things covered in it.

“Oh, you’re fine,” Darcy lied before Jane could say otherwise. Sending a warning glance to Jane that clearly stated that she could handle it, Darcy leaned her elbows on the desk. If you looked like you were giving Alana all your attention, it helped her get to the point. Her phone buzzed against the desk and Darcy fought the urge to check it. Brock had not texted her this much to complain during work since they cancelled the ‘Eagle Games’ because HR deemed it gambling when a few side bets got out of hand. Darcy wasn’t complaining about his man whining though, since he got all pouty and she found it oddly endearing.

“Good. I’d hate to interrupt Jane since I know she does such important work,” Alana said, sending Jane another wink. Darcy rolled her eyes at being so clearly left out of that statement. She assumed Alana hated her but didn’t know the reason why. A few of the lab techs assured Darcy that Alana hated everyone and others suffering made her feel better about herself. “But I wanted to ask you a question because I knew you had the best insight.”

“Insight?” Darcy asked, pursing her lips slightly and narrowing her eyes. The hairs on her arms stood on end under her sweater. She wasn’t sure what Alana wanted to know but it was going to both offend Darcy and probably further question her intelligence. Most conversations with Alana ended up like that.

“Well, I’m sure you heard about Madeleine and Piper,” whispered Alana, even though Darcy didn’t think there was a need for that. Madeline had unceremoniously come out of the closet and laid claim to Piper last week. The transition would have been smooth if they didn’t work at SHIELD. Since the gossip pretty much existed to sustain some of the legal team, word had gone around like a forest fire in a dry summer. Except, the 2 people the gossip was about didn’t care an ounce. Darcy admired it.

“You mean that she’s dating Piper?” Darcy said, voice at a normal, acceptable volume.

“ _Yeah_. Some people are suggesting that she’s like, a full-on lesbian,” Alana whispered it as if it were a dirty little secret and Darcy just raised an eyebrow. “So, if she’s like, not into guys, then it means that I can’t ask her my question.”

“And you’re asking me because?” asked Darcy, not sure how she factored into what was happening. Or what actually was happening.

“Because of your relationship with Brock,” Alana said slowly, as if Darcy were the slowest girl on earth. Except, she might have been because how the hell did Alana know about that secret and why did she talk to casually about it? Darcy could feel her throat tightening and her face heating up as her eyes darted to Jane. The woman in question was twiddling with her equipment but seemed to be standing up straighter. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s nothing between me and Brock,” Darcy said, voice edging dangerously close to a higher than normal pitch. She fought to keep from giving anything away. They’d gone on a few more double dates with Jane and Jack, which wasn’t secret, but she didn’t think they’d shown any indication they were interested in each other, much less banging in secret. Yeah, they’d been more openly friendly around SHIELD but no flirting.

“I mean, duh, there’s nothing now. But there was before. Then he left you for Madeleine and she decided she wasn’t into guys,” said Alana, pity and glee in her voice in retelling the whole sordid non-affair with what she thought was new information.

“ _Okay_ ,” Darcy said, dragging out the ‘o’. “I still don’t know how this applies to me and my vast knowledge?”

“Because,” Alana rolled her eyes and Darcy couldn’t stop herself from being offended. How was Alana acting like Darcy was the stupid one when Alana couldn’t get to the damn point and ask her question. “I remember you were talking about how you were fine with Brock dating other women. Which is so _great_ of you. I mean, most girls would hate it if their ex moved on so quickly- but not you.”

“Yep,” Darcy said, popping the ‘p’ and giving Alana the death eye she reserved for Southern family affairs when it was just all ‘honeys’ and ‘bless your hearts’. “That’s me. Totally don’t care if my ex sows his seeds.”

“I don’t know how you do it. I’d just go crazy if my ex worked at the same place as me and was dating much cuter girls. Then you hang out with them like you’re best friends? You’re like, Mother Teresa,” Alana said with what she probably thought was a coy shrug and giggle. Darcy wondered if Alana gave backhanded compliments on purpose or if she were just ignorantly an asshole.

“That’s the difference between us,” Darcy said, leaning back in her rolling chair and crossing her arms. “I move on as fast as a river and you dwell in your bitterness.”

“C’mon Darcy, no need to be mean,” Alana said with an insulted gasp. Obviously, she could dish it and not take it.

“Sorry, wrong metaphor,” Darcy apologized but she wasn’t sure why she even bothered.

“It’s okay, I forgive you. It must be hard not getting any. Which, brings me to me to my question,” Alana said and Darcy shouted ‘ _finally’_ in her head. “But, if you really need to scratch the itch, I know some guys in legal that might be into helping you once.”

“Gonna take a pass on that,” Darcy said as graciously as she could but there was a grimace on her face. She kind of wanted to shout that she was getting sex of the century with Brock but knew better than that. “The question?”

“My question is, what does Brock like?”

“What now?” Darcy asked, shaking her head as if she could shake out the wax build up clearly in her ears. “Huh?”

“Brock Rumlow. Your super hot and now super single ex. I thought I’d make my move but I wanted to make sure I really grab his attention since so many women around her have been talking about asking him out,” Alana said, flicking her hair back dramatically. “What’s he into, sexually?”

Before Darcy could scream ‘ _ME, bitch’_ and rip Alana’s hair out by the roots, one of Jane’s doohickeys emitted a long series of high pitch beeps. Alana and Darcy covered their ears and turned to find the astrophysicist staring intently at said doohickey.

“Oh, we need to go,” Jane insisted, moving quickly to the storage closet and pulling out a cart. She began to pile equipment and started her techno and space babble about serious readings. As Jane went on about having to hit the road, Alana jumped up and apologized. Darcy slowly got up to help Jane, though she thought that beeping just meant the doohickey needed a battery change.

“That sounds serious. Gosh, I’ll just catch up with you later,” Alana told Darcy before scurrying out of the office. Just as Darcy began loading the cart, Jane moved back to the doohickey and pressed a button. The noise stopped and her frantic energy disappeared.

“Jane Yolanda Foster,” Darcy mock scolded.

“That’s not my middle name,” interjected Jane but Darcy continued as if she’d not been interrupted.

“Did you fake a science emergency to get her out of the labs?”

“She’s so annoying. Her voice makes me want to stab things,” Jane wrinkled her nose and mimed a stabbing motion. Whatever Jane’s intentions, Darcy appreciated the help. The distraction had helped quell her jealously. Which was stupid because Darcy and Brock were just screwing around. Nothing serious. If Alana wanted to try her hand with Brock, technically, Darcy shouldn’t be upset. Hell, if every woman in SHIELD wanted to hit on Brock, they were free to.

So, why did the thought of Alana with Brock cause her to feel unbridled rage?

“Her voice makes me a lot of people want to stab things,” Darcy nodded in agreement. “Where does she get the nerve to ask me about Brock like that? What woman in the history of women would ask that with glee on her face?”

“Cho asked me about Thor that one time,” Jane said bitterly, mouth twisting into a pathetic frown and shoulders drooping.

“Yeah, for a genius she’s kind of dense, right?” winced Darcy and Jane just shrugged half-heartedly. They’d been at a Stark party. Cho had asked if Jane knew about Thor’s current dating status and the best way to reach him. If Darcy hadn’t dragged Jane away by force, the gossip rags would have been discussing the cat fight between the Nobel Prize winners. “But you have Jack now, so whatever. It can be a funny story at dinner parties, now.”

“Oh. Yeah. Jack,” Jane cleared her throat and Darcy was relieved to see her brighten up a little.

“Things seem to be going well between you two. I mean, it’s obvious he’s totally into you,” Darcy said, leaning in and bumping Jane’s shoulder with her own. “You know, when you’re not looking, he has a silly grin on his face. Like he caught the moon and stars. Completely smitten.”

“Really?” Jane asked, brow raising. Not surprising. Jane could be oblivious sometimes. In the sweetest of ways.

“He started reading Carl Sagan, just so he could have something more to talk to you about,” Darcy pointed out. “C’mon Jane. You practically have him tied around your pinky.”

“Oh,” Jane said softly before repeating it with more feeling. Her eyes grew large like flying saucers and she gasped in shock. “Oh my god.”

“Janey, I know it’s been hard dating after Thor but I think Jack’s the most decent guy you’ve seen in a long while,” Darcy said in the voice she used to coax Jane out of a science binge. “Like, Thor levels decent. He’s not a god but he’s cute and he’s actively trying to engage in your interests. When was the last time a guy did that?”

“He is really nice. And pretty,” Jane agreed, looking off to the side of Darcy’s face in a bit of a daze. “And the other day he was really excited when he was able to explain the superstring theory. It was sweet.”

“And since I’ll be gone this weekend, maybe you and Jack can have a nice, romantic date without Brock and me tagging along. There might even be smooching,” teased Darcy, enjoying the light blush gracing Jane’s cheeks. It was near impossible to make Jane blush. She was quite proud of herself.

“Well…what about you? You’ve been looking chummy with Brock on the dates,” Jane insisted, shaking her head and focusing her attention onto one of her thingamabobs.

“I mean, he’s not as horrible as I initially thought,” Darcy admitted, surprised at the insinuation. Had she been more obvious than she realized? As Jane twiddled with the dials, Darcy shrugged and walked back to her chair. They fell into an awkward silence as Jane mused about Jack and Darcy tried to not smile when she saw the string of texts from Brock.

 

* * *

 

“Aww, thank you, Roo,” Darcy grinned as Brock handed her a cup of warm chamomile tea. She and Hermes were cuddled in a blanket on the couch while Brock had been down at the gym working on cardio. Upon his return, he’d made her tea while drinking his protein shake. And had grunted at his new nickname. 

“You’re still sticking with that, huh?” Brock asked, picking her feet up and sitting down in the now vacant spot. He then let her feet fall into his lap. As Darcy blew on the hot tea, Hermes stuck his head out from their blanket burrito and took a sniff. Brock leaned over and placed a peck on Darcy’s lips, doing his best to not get his sweat on her.

“What? I like it,” Darcy said, offering Brock an innocent pout. During Brock’s constant texting about the refresher courses, Darcy began to send him pictures of baby animals to cheer him up (even though he said sexy pics would have made him feel even better, but she’d learned her lesson on those for now). When she sent a picture of a baby kangaroo, he joked that his arms and legs used to be that skinny when he was a kid. And thus, the new pet name was born.

“What’s wrong with babe or big daddy?” Brock teased and Darcy rolled her eyes.

“I told you, I’m never calling you daddy because it’s weird. Much less big daddy,” Darcy said, wondering why people went for completely different ends of the spectrum when it came to ‘sex’ names. “I’m pretty sure the amount I don’t want to think about my actual dad during sexy-times is the same as you not wanting to think about your mom.”

“Okay, fair,” Brock conceded, “how ‘bout Papi?”

“How ‘bout boy bye?” warned Darcy, offering him a glare but trying to fight back a laugh. “What’s wrong with Roo? Kangaroos are cute. And sometimes they grow up into those jacked ones. And they like to fight. So, it totally fits you.”

“Jack calls ‘em giant rats,” Brock complained and Darcy shrugged.

“You can call me Ratatouille,” Darcy offered sweetly but Brock just hummed in displeasure. “Well, I guess the rat in that movie was actually named Remy. But you can pick either one.”

“I’ll find one. And you’ll hate it,” Brock warned. “But I’ll think it’s obnoxiously cute.”

“Just don’t call me mommy because then we’ll both be thinking about our mothers,” Darcy said in a sing song voice as Brock stood up with a deep chuckle. Taking out his phone and keys from his pockets, he tossed them onto the coffee table and announced his plan to take a shower. Which Darcy was all for because he liked to work out until he was sweating buckets. She did admire his need to go to the gym twice a day when it was down time from missions but she wasn’t at all mentally prepared to try that herself. It wasn’t her goal to be ripped and toned. Her preference was healthy and able to run from a science monster if needed. So, she went on her own a few times a week and Brock never shamed her for that.

“You wanna join me?” Brock asked hopefully as he walked towards the bedroom. Taking a loud sip of her tea to avoid burning her tongue, Darcy shook her head. Yesterday, they messed around in the shower and she almost fell. He caught her but she was going to wait until they had one of those rubber mats before more shower sex adventures took place.

“Maybe after we get a grab bar in there, grandpa Rumlow,” Darcy said and Brock groaned in annoyance.

“Okay, now I miss Roo,” whined Brock.

“Why, grandpa? I thought you hate it,” Darcy shouted to his retreating back. With a laugh, she leaned back against the couch and felt Hermes wriggling in her lap to try and get comfortable again. With a sigh, she decided the least she could do was help warm up the bed before he was finished. As she tried to detangle her and Hermes without spilling any tea, she heard Brock’s phone buzz. Not wanting him to miss a call to arms and really hoping it wasn’t one, because she was comfy and didn’t want to have to go home, she picked up his phone. He never made any attempts to hide the passcode and she memorized it unintentionally. When she opened the message, she almost dropped her tea.

The picture was of Alana Smyth in all her naked glory. Like, not even trying to be subtle or classy. The camera angle cut some of Alana’s face but the image captured the rest of her body. It was as if you were looking down on her, all the way to where her knees were open and…letting her lady bits get aired out. Darcy’s mouth hung open as she tried to process what the hell was happening. Before she could throw the phone across the room, another picture popped up. Of a glistening, waxed vagina. If she weren’t in utter shock, she might actually use the correct terms for the lady bits and admire Alana for being so ridiculously confident. Except right now, her entire face on fire.

Also, now that she knew what Alana’s lady bits looked like, how was Darcy going to look her in the eyes at work? But then again, how dare that bitch? The dots showing that she was typing came up on the screen and out of morbid curiosity and self-flagellation, Darcy still didn’t put the phone down. Thankfully, it was just text that popped up.

‘Hey Big Daddy. I’m all alone. What are you gonna do about it?’

What was with ‘big daddy’? Was this an inside joke she wasn’t in on? Darcy still refused to call Brock that. But…did he _want_ to be called that? She thought it was a joke. Dread pooled in her stomach and her eyes burned with tears. Despite her less than stellar personality, Alana was hot and her body showed someone who clearly spent a lot more time at the gym than Darcy. Was she the kind of woman that Brock would prefer to date? Since she and Brock were ‘casual’, per Darcy’s wishes, it didn’t mean they couldn’t fool around with other people. That detail hadn’t been discussed, so it was technically still an option for him. Alana had said loads of women at SHIELD were vying for his attention. How many of them had reached out? She knew he spent all his off time with her but he clearly had the option of variety if he really wished for it. Stig had…

No, she refused to compare Brock to Stig. They were completely different people and this was a completely different situation. Still, if Brock wanted to move on to the next girl, there wasn’t anything she could do to stop it. Was there? She hadn’t really been thinking about what she wanted from Brock other than naked cuddles and real cuddles. They had genuine feelings for each other but what those feelings were, there hadn’t been much exploration or discussion. Things up until now had been awesome and she really liked spending time with him. But she wasn’t ready to tell everyone. Not until she figured out what she wanted and if Brock wanted the same. She’d been so focused on trying to get to next steps with Stig, that she was just enjoying being content and cared for in a relationship for once.

Feeling as if she were out of her body and watching from across the room, Darcy called Alana. The line ran once before it was answered.

“Hey Brock, want a taste?” purred Alana and Darcy practically gagged. The image of Brock’s face between Alana’s legs popped up in her head and she wanted to simultaneously scream and vomit

“Excuse me, but this is Brock’s girlfriend,” Darcy said in a more nasally pitch and in the sweet as pie Georgia accent she’d learned from her grandmother. On the other end, Alana began to sputter. “Now, it would be mighty nice of you to not contact him ever again. But if you do, I will hunt you down and fill what I’m sure is a pretty little behind with buckshot. Wouldn’t that be a shame?”

“I…I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. I mean, no one at work said anything about-”

“Honey, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know any better,” Darcy said, trying to infuse the sentence with all the hatred she felt for Alana in that very moment. “Now, why don’t you stop going after men trying to keep their lives private and cover _your_ privates? I think that would be best for everyone.”

Not wanting to hear Alana’s voice for the next century, Darcy cut off the call just as Alana was finding her confidence again. Letting out a shaky breath, Darcy deleted the entire text thread and then blocked Alana’s number. Tossing the phone down on the couch, she set down her tea and screamed into a throw pillow. Her heart was pounding in her chest like she’d run an entire marathon. The beginning pains of a headache tickled her temples and she tried to clear her throat of the painful lump refusing to leave.

Texting Brock that she was taking Hermes out for a final bathroom break, she tossed his phone in the middle of the bed. The shower was still running as she put on a light coat over her PJs. She didn’t even bother to take her phone, just grabbed Hermes’ leash. Her head was all muddled and she her body was pumping with adrenaline. All she needed right now was air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the nakedness you were expecting? 
> 
> No kink shame to anyone, I just really can't get behind calling my significant other 'daddy' because the power dynamics and suggestions of incest creep me out. Like, I didn't even like 'baby' or 'babe' for the longest time as well. 
> 
> Also, taking any suggestions for ridiculous nicknames Brock could use for Darcy. I kind of wanted them to have a shared nickname like Jenna Marbles and her boyfriend Julien use (they call each other Otter). But I also didn't want to poach their nickname because they're real people and I felt weird about that.


	17. My Heart Is Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for the comments and kudos! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
> 
> Warning: It gets a little smutty at the end.

Since she didn’t take her phone with her and never wore a watch, Darcy wasn’t sure how much time elapsed before she finally returned to Brock’s apartment. At first, she went to the small fenced area the apartment complex reserved for dogs but it didn’t have any decent lighting. So, she ventured around the parking lot and took a few laps around the building, letting the dim lights from the apartment windows guide her. The whole time, she was mumbling to herself, fretting and venting to Hermes. 

“Why did I even do it? I was totally out of line, Hermes. It was an invasion of privacy that I would have totally been pissed off if he did to me. I mean…dick pics are like, the worst. So, I guess if a guy sent me unsolicited ones, I wouldn’t mind if someone else told them to leave me alone,” Darcy worked out her thoughts out loud but she seemed to only get more jumbled. Hermes appeared more interested in trotting in front of her and occasionally sniffing grass than offering sound advice.

As Hermes peed to mark his territory for the 5th time, Darcy let out a sigh. “To add insult to injury, Alana is hot. I can’t deny that. She’s got the body of an Instagram fitness model. The kind that has loads of sponsors and is constantly taking vacations in the tropics. My Instagram is only popular because of Jane and Thor. And now you. No one really cared about my baking prior to that.”

_Woof_

Hermes let out a small bark. At first, Darcy thought he was trying to answer her or give her a reassuring word. His head perked up and body tensed, meaning he probably saw some small, nocturnal prey. Darcy continued with her pity party.

“Ugh. They actually would make a really cute couple, too. Despite her personality. But what if he’s into that? Overly confident assholes? I mean, he’s kind of one himself. _Oh god_ ,” Darcy let out a gasp of horror, stopping in her tracks. Her thoughts were spiraling out of control and there was no Jane to make her stop. “What if Alana and Brock are soulmates? What if they’re like, destined to get married or something and I’m just delaying the inevitable? Or I’m the one he dates before he realizes what he really wants? Who am I to get in between that? I can’t. If it’s fate, you can’t stop fate. Right?”

By the time Darcy decided that she and Brock were probably going to break up or rather, part ways because their relationship wasn’t defined enough to break up, she’d returned to the main entrance. Except, the card needed to unlock the door sat upstairs in her wallet. Crap. After about a minute of knocking and no signs of the evening security guard, she walked to the side of the building to see if anyone was loitering around the parking garage entrance. As she waited for someone to appear, she snuggled Hermes in her arms.

“Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m leaving this weekend. It’ll give me time to think without his sexiness clouding my brain. Also, Nat will probably have good advice. I don’t have to tell her it’s Brock I’m seeing but she’s good with the relationship advice. Not afraid to tell it to you like it is,” Darcy said, rubbing her cheek against Hermes’ head. “I mean, I wanted to have fun with him but now I…want something more. Y’know? I want a boyfriend who becomes my husband and wants kids. But is Brock really going to give me all those things? I should be focusing on that again. My ovaries aren’t getting any younger. I guess I could try online dating. Y’know, my college roommate met her husband on one of those sites. She says the cost of a membership is totally worth it if you’re looking for ‘the one’. How about it? You think you want a dad?” 

The only answer she got from Hermes was the blinking of his blank stare. She didn’t have the chance to delve further into that question since a couple who looked like they were coming back from a nice, romantic dinner were entering the building. Darcy thanked them as they let her in and she kept the talking to Hermes at a minimum as they all stood awkwardly in the elevator. When she got to Brock’s door, she turned the handle but found that it was locked. Did she accidently lock it behind her? Did Brock just lock her out, assuming she was levelheaded and took his keys? She knocked softly but grew louder and more annoying when he didn’t appear.

“Brock? Are you there? I don’t have a key,” Darcy said pitifully though the door. When it was obvious that he was either dead asleep or saw the call from Alana and was now engaged in a round of sexting/phone sex, Darcy let out a sob and slide down the door to the ground. As a few tears fell down her cheeks, Hermes licked them away. “Oh Hermes, what have I done? I messed this up, somehow. I just know it. Why am I so upset? I wasn’t supposed to get emotionally invested in this. From now on, I’m just gonna start an old dog sanctuary and forget men exist.”

“Oh dearie, you don’t need to do anything that extreme. Though, I would suggest you leave that Brock Rumlow. He’s nothing but trouble,” a voice said from across the hall and Darcy looked up to find Gladys standing in her open doorway. In a pair of slippers and a long, floral nightgown, she obviously was about to get into bed when she’d heard Darcy thumping on Brock’s door.

“Oh, I didn’t wake you up, did I?” Darcy asked, voice cracking slightly. She sniffled as Gladys smiled in the sweet way that grandmas did when children fell and scraped their knees.

“No dearie. Why don’t you come inside for some milk and cookies? Tell me all about what’s going on,” offered Gladys and Darcy bit her bottom lip for just a second before she nodded. 

 

* * *

 

When Brock hopped out of the shower and dried his hair, he was a little disappointed that Darcy hadn’t joined him. He understood her concern over the slippery tile situation but was confident he’d catch her before she fell. Besides, there were other positions they could still try that were significantly safer. With a haphazardly tucked towel around his hips, he made his way to out into the bedroom and frowned when he realized she must still be in the living room. Which was fine. He could carry her to bed.

Once he saw her lukewarm tea on the coffee table and realized neither she nor Hermes were anywhere to be found, a lump formed in his throat and his chest tightened. Eventually, he saw his phone in the bed and the text message that said she’d gone out for a walk. It made him frown. They’d already walked Hermes before he hit the gym. He called her twice, leaving a couple of voice messages he hoped bordered on teasing and didn’t betray the growing concern in his voice. Crowding her and not allowing her any freedom wasn’t his intention. But he didn’t think she should be wandering around the complex alone at this time of night. By his third call, he found her phone buzzing in between the couch cushions. This time, his gut dropped and he fought to breath normally.

She was fine. She was just walking Hermes and would give him major side eye if he went down to find her. Still…to give himself piece of mind, he got dressed, grabbed his keys and a flashlight and went to find her. According to the timestamp from her text, she’d been gone for about 20 minutes now. Hermes must have gotten sidetracked by a rabbit or hedgehog and she could be searching the nearby wooded area for him if she accidently let go of the leash. As he started his search, he went through his call log in case she’d returned to the apartment and happened to call him back. When he saw a short call from Alana Smyth in the log, he grit his teeth.

While he couldn’t be sure that Darcy went MIA because of whatever it was Alana might have said, he had a gut feeling that it probably had a lot to do with it. A while back when he first started working at the new SHIELD site, she had tried to start anything with him. As pretty as she was, there was just something about her that put him on edge. Normally, he would have ‘hit it and quit it’, as Riley would say. Since Brock was trying to rebuild his life and work out some demons after being deep undercover, he told Alana that he really wasn’t interested. She was trouble he didn’t have the energy to deal with. Every so often when she was drunk, she’d text pictures. He always promptly deleted the pictures and gave her a firm no. Then she was surly for a while at work. Other than that, she seemed relatively harmless, so he never went out of his way to upset her more. Now, he regretted never deleing her from his phone and asking HR to step in.

Brock couldn’t find Darcy around the dog park or around the perimeter of the building. His heart sank at the possibility that she’d fallen in the woods or got snatched. Not wanting to risk any more time, he made another call.

“Hallo. Rumlow? What’s up?” asked Damien Turner, a SHIELD agent who now primarily analyzed security footage and was one of Brock’s occasional drinking buddies. Turner had been on the tech side of the Hydra infiltration, helping to prevent Operation Insight by coding some fail-safes into the computer systems. Not an easy task with Zola the super computer.

“Hey Turner, you still in the office?” Brock asked.

“Yep, burning the midnight oil, here. Whatcha need? Hacking into an annoying neighbor’s phone is gonna cost ya extra,” Damien teased but it held some strain. He knew Brock wouldn’t call unless it was important.

“I need you to look at my apartment building’s security footage. My girl- uh, my friend is missing and doesn’t have her phone. Probably nothing but I just want to be sure,” Brock cleared his throat and headed towards the line of trees. “She should have left apartment number 913 around 22-hundred hours. There should be a camera in the hall that’s angled towards my door.”

“No problem,” Damien assured and Brock could hear the faint noise of typing through the speaker. About a minute later, Turner spoke up. “Uh, does your friend happen to be Darcy Lewis?”

Brock spoke tightly after a pause. “Yeah.”

“Hey, your secret’s safe with me,” Damien said and Brock could practically see the other man shrug. Letting out a slow breath, he continued his way towards the trees. Out of anyone at SHEILD, Brock knew that the agent was speaking the truth. Damien was a man of few words and minded his own business. Though, that didn’t mean he’d not miss the chance to rib Brock in private. “So, you and Lewis, huh? Thought you two were getting chummy. And when I say chummy, I mean she wasn’t vocally plotting your gory murder.”

“We’re not…anything serious,” Brock choked out because that’s what Darcy would want him to say. Even if it tasted bitter in his mouth.

“She’s slipping out of your apartment in PJs to walk a dog. You must have some boring sleepovers, then, if you’re just friends,” teased Damien. “Not judging or anything. She strikes me as a girl who prefers serious relationships, though. Just my humble advice and what I’ve learned about reading people during my Hydra time.”

“I’ve also learned a few things about reading people,” Brock shot back and fought a sneer. He waited in silence as Damien tracked Darcy’s movement through all the camera footage.

“Found her. She was knocking on your apartment door about 8 minutes ago and I’m assuming you’re outside looking for her, right now?” Damien said and Brock let out a curse. “Your neighbor across the hall found her and invited her in. Tiny old lady. Lewis looked like she was crying. I’d talk to her about your ‘nothing serious’ if I were you.”

At that, Brock let out another colorful curse. Damn Gladys. “Thanks Turner. I owe you a few rounds. And next time, I’ll pass on the relationship advice.”

“Hey, I fixed up loads of happily married couples. I’m like a mix of Dr. Phil and Cupid,” Damien bragged.

“That image is going to haunt me,” said Brock, still frowning at the thought of Darcy and Gladys spending alone time. He wasn’t sure what lies the old bat would tell her. “But thanks for finding Darcy.”

“Anytime,” Damien said before hanging up. With a sigh, Brock began jogging his way back to the apartment complex. He preferred to limit the damage that Gladys may cause to this budding relationship. Especially if Alana told Darcy some lie prior. He knew that Darcy had a habit of talking herself into a panic when it came to her own self-esteem and worth.

As much as she liked to pretend she was confident and didn’t care about anything, sometimes it was the complete opposite. He worried that she kept her expectations low to avoid disappointment or hurt later down the road. For some reason, she didn’t think she was worth fighting for. At least, that’s what he’d gleaned when reading in between her words. Which was crazy because she was beautiful and just an all-around fun, amazing person. It blew his mind that no one married her yet. He just hoped he’d done enough to show her that he didn’t want anyone else but her. Brock was not going to let this relationship slip through his fingers.

Seriously, if he ever met that ex-boyfriend who got her so unsure about her self-worth, he’d knock the guy out. A part of him wanted to crash the wedding this weekend just so he could give some of her family his opinions on them as well. To be open about their relationship in front of people other than strangers. Maybe even get her to agree that him being her boyfriend wasn’t that terrible of an idea.

 

* * *

 

Gladys Phillips had a stereotypical grannie apartment. Dated quilt décor, pictures of grandkids everywhere and knitting projects neatly stacked on one of her chairs. Darcy sat at her dining table, looking through a tin of shortbread cookies as Gladys set a glass of milk in front of her. They were making small talk about Darcy’s family and job. Next to Darcy’s feet, Hermes sat at attention, hoping for a cookie.

“Thanks,” Darcy smiled but it was strained. Her mind was still on Brock and Alana. Clearing her throat, Darcy did her best to be her carefree self. Normally, she did pretty well charming the elderly. As Gladys sat down, Darcy diverted the conversation away from her. “Your grandkids are really adorable.”

“Thank you,” Gladys beamed, attention going to a large portrait over the table. It was of a family in semi-formal wear in front of a clouded blue backdrop. Probably taken in the 90’s. A young girl and 2 older boys sat in front of their parents and everyone wore large grins. “That’s my son and his wife. The oldest there is Joseph. He’s a lawyer now. Expecting my second great-grandchild from him. Mark is the second oldest and works in publishing. Leanne is the only girl. She’s still figuring out what she wants to do but she is the sweetest person you’d ever meet.”

“She’ll get there. It took me a while to figure things out. Actually, things kind of just fell out of the sky in front of me,” Darcy offered with a tiny smile. Even though she was working towards a Political Science major, it had been after bouncing around the other departments. Until Thor, she didn’t have any idea what she wanted out of a career. Still kind of didn’t. She just thought the classes were interesting and now she was working at a job not anywhere near related to what she thought she might be doing.

“Now, why don’t you tell me what’s got you crying. Is it Brock? I could have told you he was trouble,” Gladys said and Darcy shrank a little in her chair. “You should leave him before he hurts you more.”

“He’s actually really sweet,” Darcy insisted. “I just...know we have an expiration date and remembering that kind of sucks.”

“I know types like him, sweetheart, he’ll break your heart as soon as he gets the chance,” said Gladys, bitter pout on her mouth as she looked back at the family portrait. “And it looks like he already did. You’re a beautiful young woman. I’m sure you can find another man by just walking down the street.” 

“I’m not so sure about that,” Darcy wrinkled her nose. Grannies thought everyone was pretty. If only the general male population agreed. “And Brock treats me better than any guy I’ve been with.”

At that admission, Gladys let out a bitter laugh that clearly showed she didn’t believe that. When she realized she let it slip, she offered Darcy a glance full of pity. “You’ve been scraping the barrel when you really don’t need to.”

“No, really,” Darcy insisted. “My last boyfriend- my only boyfriend, actually. Uh, he never could make up his mind on if he wanted to stay with me or not. He always left me for something better and then came back when he was bored again. Brock’s so much more considerate and caring.”

“Then why were you sitting outside his door and crying?” Gladys pressed. Darcy had been taking a bite out of a cookie when the question was asked. She suddenly found the shortbread to be overly dry. After a sip of milk, she cleared her throat and squirmed in her chair.

“There’s another woman. Someone from work- Brock and I both work at the same place. She was texting him and wanted to…to meet up with him tonight because she wanted to, uh, know him biblically?” Darcy tried to explain but Gladys rose an eyebrow and her lips were pursed in the knowledge she was right. When Darcy said it all like that, it didn’t paint him in a good light. “He doesn’t know she contacted him and I told her to leave him alone. But we haven’t really agreed to be exclusive or, or anything like that. And I think I’m realizing that I want to but I also don’t want to hold him back from someone he actually wants to marry or something. But also I don’t want him to be with anyone but me. Which makes me sound crazy. I just…have been doing a lot of think about things I was trying to avoid. I’m confused and stressed because I have this wedding this weekend and some of my family can be horrible-”

“You need to realize that you deserve more than what these terrible men have been giving you,” Gladys said with confidence that Darcy wished she had.

“Maybe Brock and I aren’t as good a fit as I’ve been thinking,” Darcy wondered out loud, not liking the way her throat tightened or how tears burned her eyes.

“You need a gentleman. My Mark isn’t with anyone. He lives in Seattle and I’m sure he’d be happy to take you out for a nice dinner,” suggested Gladys. A low hum left Darcy as she tried to come up with a nice way to say she wasn’t interested in a blind date with a man she knew nothing about other than facts from his doting grandmother. A sharp, insistent knock on the door kept her from having to formulate an answer. Hermes barked twice before running towards the door and scratching with his paw. With a grumble, Gladys began to stand up but Darcy promised to check instead. She quickly ran over and cracked open the door.

Brock stood before her. Darcy’s mouth formed an ‘o’ as she opened the door further. He ignored Hermes’ excited pounces in favor of pulling Darcy into a hug. Despite her confusion in the past half hour, she leaned into his touch. As Brock spoke assurances into her hair about how worried he was, she could hear Gladys’ _humph_ in the background.

“I’m sorry, I just needed some fresh air,” Darcy lied into his chest. “But the door was locked when I got back and I thought you were asleep.”

“I was out looking for you,” Brock said, pulling away slightly so he could look into her eyes. Concern sparkled in the amber orbs and a painful lump lodged in Darcy’s throat. He had the prettiest eyes and amazing bone structure. She could look at him all day. The level of his attractiveness definitely outweighed hers and made her wonder what she really was offering him. She wasn’t ugly but she also exuded more of a quirky cuteness than drop dead gorgeous. Brock deserved gorgeous.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” admitted Darcy, feeling even worse and stepping out of his embrace. She missed the warmth. Noticing the flashlight in one of his hands, she realized he’d probably been looking around the dark grass around the building.

“Just next time, actually talk to me. And remember your phone,” Brock suggested gently but there was something else under his tone that made the hairs on her arms stand on end. His eyes searched hers for an answer that she didn’t want to give.

Oh god, he somehow knew she talked to Alana. Even if she deleted the texts, Alana’s call would have shown up on a his most recent calls. Darcy’s eyes widened but she avoided Brock’s gaze in favor of looking down at Hermes. Yet, Brock seemed very calm, other than his fear that something might have happened to her. What did that mean? A heavy stone weighed down her gut.

“C’mon, let’s go to bed,” Brock suggested and Darcy nodded her head.

“My offer is there. Anytime you need it, dearie,” Gladys said by way of farewell, patting Darcy’s shoulder until Brock tugged her to his side outside of the door frame. He narrowed his gaze on Gladys as she closed the door. He waited until he heard the sound of the locks turning before speaking.

“What she offer you?”

“Uh, she wanted to set me up with her grandson,” Darcy said. There wasn’t any point in lying to him about it. Depending how the next few days went, Darcy might have to take Gladys up on the blind date in fear that she would be spending the rest of her life alone. From her experience, most guys didn’t like crazy women that went through their phones and blocked other women behind people’s backs. She let Brock take her hand and lead her the short distance across the hall. Hermes started to wander off but hurried back at Brock’s command.

“Babe, what really happened?” Brock asked the moment he shut and locked his door. Holding her breath, Darcy took her time as she undid Hermes’ collar and leash. He scurried over to his water bowl once he was free. With all the terrible thoughts running through her head and with her having to spend an entire long weekend with her not so favorite family members, she knew that she really didn’t want to talk about her feelings at the moment. Walking into the kitchen, she quickly washed her hands to prolong her silence. When Brock realized she wasn’t going to answer, he continued.

“I was freaking out, I thought something happened. Like you fell and was lying in a ditch or someone snatched you,” Brock said and Darcy could hear the tension in his tone. It made her heart leap. She already knew that she was going to tell Brock what she did. It wasn’t her place to hold him back or make choices for him. But she was also selfish and wanted him all to herself.

“I…I just kind of want you to carry me to bed and fuck me,” admitted Darcy and she spun around to find Brock standing only a few inches away. She wanted to pretend their fling didn’t have an expiration date. Just for one last night. Before she took the time to really think about what she wanted and needed moving forward.

Brock looked uncertain at her request, a small furrow between his eyes. When his mouth opened to protest, Darcy stepped forward and lay her open palms against his chest. Standing on her toes, she placed a soft kiss on his jawline and then a nip. His unshaved scruff rough against her lips in the way she loved. As if it were a reflex, his arms circled her and pulled her closer. He kissed her temple gently.

“Okay, but I want to talk about it tomorrow morning. If you’re ready,” Brock sighed defeat, placing kisses on her forehead and cheek. He whispered against her skin. “You know, you’re the only girl for me.”

Her heart clenched at his words before breaking just a little. Her throat tightened and she wasn’t sure what he was suggesting. Or at least, didn’t trust herself to believe it. Those words had been spoken to her before but never meant anything in the end. Yet, she wanted to believe Brock. At least for a night before reality set in. When he finally captured her mouth, she let out a pleased, needy moan and bit at his lips. Reaching down, he grabbed her ass. He lifted her up and she held onto his shoulders as her legs wrapped around his waist. They shared a messy, wet kiss and the next thing Darcy noticed was the bed against her back.

Between hitched breaths and more nips, they made quick work of getting rid of their clothes. Darcy’s nails ran down Brock’s back as he sighed happily into her neck. It made her heart sink when she realized how at peace the sound made her. Before tears could form, Brock slid inside her. Her toes curled. A breathy moan filled the room and she arched her back. They shared another kiss and their touches grew desperate. Brock rocked his hips, breath heavy like he was running a marathon.

“Fuck, Darcy. I was so worried. Don’t do that again. Don’t leave me,” Brock mumbled into her mouth, their tongues melding made it hard to understand what he was saying. She urged him to move faster but he kept his steady pace. A shiver ran down his spine when she ran her fingers through his hair.

Her orgasm took her by surprise as her muscles tightened in bliss. At Brock’s tender kiss, Darcy felt her heart fill with something dangerously close to love. She tried to ignore it but couldn’t help how it infused with every touch and thrust. They seemed to breath, move, sigh in time with each other. Sweet, reassuring nothings were whispered in her ear for the rest of the night and Brock made every cell in her body sing. By the time they’d both finished, she’d completely lost track of time and almost forgot what had sent her running. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why talk about your feelings and insecurities when you can sex the pain away? Darcy is just a bundle of confusion and self doubt. Anyone else get into an anxiety spiral where you just convince yourself where it's not worth trying because it will end horribly? 
> 
> Why does Gladys hate Brock so much? One day we may find out.


	18. Gorgeous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
> 
> I should probably edit this more but I really wanted to post it❣️
> 
> Chapter title from the song by Taylor Swift.

The first thing Darcy noticed when she woke up the next morning was warmth. She was cocooned in a fuzzy blanket and didn’t want to open her eyes. As she burrowed further, sleep eluded her and she noticed the light kisses pressed into the back and side of her neck. Letting out a pleased sigh, she smiled and tiled her head towards Brock. The mattress moved slightly and his body spooned hers. Slipping an arm under the blanket, he hugged her waist and tugged her closer.

“You put more clothes on. Why?” whined Brock. His hand searched for the hem of the shirt she’d slipped on. It was one of his and she’d shrugged it on when she woke up a few hours after they’d first fallen asleep. She thought being covered up might help her not feel entirely vulnerable and embarrassed when they had the inevitable conversation about the end of things. The less clothes she had, the easier they could distract each other with sex until she had to catch her flight. That way, she could avoid important, life altering conversations.

Whether due to the adrenaline he felt from worry she’d been hurt or the fact that Darcy knew it to be the end of their relationship, the sex was the best she’d ever had. Even for their track record. Probably the best she ever would have. At least when it came to ‘making love’. She’d always thought that term was cheesy and overdramatic. Until last night. Because Darcy was certain they’d made desperate, heart-wrenching love. Everything up until then had been fucking, as fun as it had been. She’d never felt more in tune with her own body along with someone else’s. Plus, she’d wanted to cry at the end of it all. It felt that devastatingly good. Or maybe this was what break up sex was like? She was beginning to realize that she and Stig never actually ‘made love’, so she was new to the entire experience.

“Last night was so amazing,” Brock whispered into her ear, rough timbre in his voice making her shiver. His hand slipped under her shirt and rubbed her stomach, moving dangerously close to the top of her panties. She let out a long breath as he tugged her panties down playfully. 

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?” Darcy asked. She could see the digital clock on the bedside table and he was about 2 hours late. As good as last night was for her, she wasn’t sure if she fucked him into a stupor so heavy he didn’t hear the alarm.

“Took the day off so we could hang out until you had to leave. I’ll drive you to the airport. Was gonna surprise you with breakfast in bed but I thought this might be better,” Brock bit at her neck before licking the spot. She gasped, both touched at the gesture and also completely forgetting why she wanted to have a serious conversation with him.

“You didn’t have to. I can take an Uber to the airport- _oh_ ,” Darcy insisted before his finger slid underneath the thin fabric and started to play with her lower seam.

“How about you be my breakfast in bed and then I’ll make you pancakes?” offered Brock. Darcy really couldn’t argue with that. She turned her body towards him, letting him crawl over so he could settle between her legs. Just as he captured her mouth in a heated kiss, he jumped up with a grunt of pain.

“What the hell?” Brock shouted, sitting up and pulling the covers off them to reveal Hermes. Crouched like he was about to pounce, Hermes stared up with teeth bared. “He bit me! Why was he hiding in the sheets?”

“Oh, I forgot he was down there,” Darcy admitted, sitting cross legged on the bed and pulling Hermes into her lap. The shaking, frightened dog stared at Brock as if he were a naked demon. A naked demon with an impressive hard on. Brock rubbed at the small, irritated red splotch on his calf and frowned. “Sometimes he likes to sleep under the covers by my legs. Last night, he woke me up with whines because he wanted cuddle.”

All she got in reply to her explanation was a mumble about fostering strange habits and being the alpha. Darcy couldn’t help but laugh and Brock frowned. As she cuddled and kissed Hermes, she cooed reassuring words. “Oh, poor baby, did Brock scare you?”

“Don’t reward him for biting me!” Brock complained, sounding dangerously close to man-baby territory. When it was obvious that Darcy wasn’t going to let go of Hermes, Brock moved off the bed and walked to his dresser in a huff.  

“I don’t think us having s-e-x in front of him is good,” Darcy said as she watched Brock grab a pair of boxer briefs and slip them on. At her spelling out of the word, he raised an eyebrow.

“He’s a dog. He doesn’t actually know what the word sex is,” Brock pointed out, walking back to the side of the bed and kissing Darcy on the forehead. He even kissed Hermes on the top of his head but the dog let out a half-hearted growl. Pulling back, Brock gave Hermes a scowl as if he had been horribly betrayed.

“Either way, it can’t be good for his psyche,” Darcy said.

“He humped my throw pillow last night. For 15 minutes straight,” Brock pointed out. That had been right before dinner and a little out of character for Hermes. He didn’t normally hump things that often or that long.

“Yeah, where do you think he learned that from?” Darcy countered.

“Are you suggesting I taught your dog to hump a pillow?” Brock asked, crossing his arms and fixing Darcy with a narrowed gaze.

“I’m suggesting he’s getting a complex. It can’t be good for him to see his mommy being defiled,” shrugged Darcy, scratching Hermes’ chest. “I don’t want him to be like, a serial killer because he has terrible memories of his mother having sex. You know how many serial killers had messed up childhoods like that?”

“I…don’t know how to reply to that,” Brock quirked his head with a smirk. While her example was extreme, it was also true. There were loads of serial killers who ended up hating their mothers and women in general because of weird sexual trauma. “Though I will say he has woken me up multiple times by just standing over my pillow and breathing heavily. If he had thumbs, I might be worried about him holding a knife above my head.”

“See! We need to, I don’t know, wait until he falls asleep or something before fooling around,” Darcy looked down at Hermes who looked back up at her. His face still appeared to be startled from when Brock had scared him from his slumber. “He’s my child. I don’t want to traumatize my child.”  

“Baby, that’s really not what I wanted you to take from that punch line. He’s just a nervous dog that hates not being the center of attention,” Brock assured her, voice soft and sweet. He sat down next to her and rubbed her lower back. Honestly, he was being a good sport by considering her delusions. Maybe she’d give him a blow job before he made coffee. She might have to lock Hermes in the bathroom with a bowl of food, though. “It’s not because we’re scarring him so bad that he plans out intricate murders. C’mon, let me make you breakfast and then we can talk about our sex strategy with my stepson around.”

“It’s cute you think you’re his stepdad. At best, you’re the creep dating his mom that insists on being called ‘uncle’,” Darcy couldn’t help but tease, leaning over and rubbing the tip of his nose with hers.

“Great,” Brock said flatly but the corner of his lips quirked up and his eyes darkened. Watching her with a dreamy gaze, Brock looked like he was going to lean in for a kiss but then squeezed her shoulder before standing up. “Actually, I got something for you.”

“What? Like a present?” Darcy asked, sitting up straighter. With renewed interest, she watched Brock walk back to his dresser and pick up something flat off the top. From the scraping sound it made, she figured it was some sort of metal.

“Kind of? I mean, I’ll give you much better presents than this in future. Shiny, pretty things,” Brock promised, clutching the gift in his hand so it stayed hidden.

“I do like shiny things,” Darcy admitted, shifting over so he had more space. She waited as patiently as she could for Brock to sit next to her. Their shoulders were flush against each other and her focus was riveted to his fist. He opened his hand to reveal a key with doggie paws decal. “I probably should have given this to you last night before you got locked out but I had this whole stupid idea of putting it in a jewelry box so it looked more special.”

“Is this a key to your apartment?” Darcy asked, needing clarification. She swallowed around the lump now forming in her throat as she remembered the series of events that led her to being locked out. Then, tears prickled at her eyes because it was such a sweet gesture and yet…she didn’t deserve it.    

“Yeah, baby. You spend so much time here and this way you don’t have to wait around for me if I’m working late at the base. You’re also more than welcome to just hang out here while I’m on missions. Use the bathtub, gym, whatever. Stay here as long as you want. Y’know, I’d love to come back from a mission to find you here,” Brock said, clearing this throat when all Darcy did was stare at the key in his hand with wide, unbelieving eyes. He scratched the back of his head and shrugged. “With or without clothes? I can clear out a drawer or two for you. Officially, that is, since you already have a lot of stuff here. You can have most of the closet too.”

“I…I can’t accept this,” Darcy whispered, fighting to speak around the pain in her throat. Even though she gazed at the key in longing, she didn’t reach out for it. Pulling Hermes off her lap, she sat him down on the bed next to her and he curled into a content ball. His lack of understanding at the gravity of the current situation made her jealous.

“What?” Brock asked, voice tight as his muscles tensed. Scooting away from him so their bodies no longer touched, Darcy shook her head and shut her eyes.

“I can’t accept the key because I need to tell you something. I did something horrible and you deserve to give that key to someone you _should_ be with,” Darcy looked up to find Brock’s eyes shining with hurt, hand now a white knuckled fist around the key. Biting her lip, she swallowed a sob and then took a deep, shaky breath before continuing. “When I tell you what I did, you’re probably never gonna want to see me again.”  

“Darcy? What are you talking about?” Brock spoke slowly, doing his best to keep his voice steady. For a moment, his brow furrowed and his gaze sparkled with fear before putting on a blank face.

“Alana texted you last night,” blurted Darcy and she felt minutely better at admitting it. Brock’s face stayed blank other than the quirk of an eyebrow. “She sent you some…pretty graphic pictures of herself and I can tell you that she is really hot. Like, I honestly won’t blame you for your decision.”

“And what decision is that?”

“To hook up with her and then probably marry her,” Darcy said with a small, pitiful sigh.

“Why would I marry her?” asked Brock slowly, second eyebrow joining the other up at his hairline.

“Because she’s perfect for you,” Darcy said but all she got from Brock was a blink. “I mean, the both of you are confident and love going to the gym and taking care of your bodies. I’m holding you back from your destiny.”

“Uh, I don’t think-” Brock began but Darcy shook her head vigorously and rose a hand to silence him.

“She texted you those pictures and an invite. She called you big daddy, which I know you wanna be called but I still refuse to do, even if it will save whatever the hell it is we’re doing right now,” Darcy buried her face in her hands, not able to take seeing the rage that was bound to twist his face. “But then I went insane and called her and put on an accent and told her I was your girlfriend and promised I’d shoot her if she ever tried to contact you again. Which is so out of line and I shouldn’t even have looked at your phone but I was worried it was SHIELD. And then I went out for a walk to clear my head and got locked out and didn’t tell you what happened and took advantage of you because I know in a line up you would totally pick Alana over me. I just wanted one last night with you. You’re so freaking gorgeous that it’s not fair but you’re also like, the best guy I’ve ever been with and you deserve better than me. So, I’ll just grab my stuff and leave and I promise I’ll never talk to you again.”

“You think I’m gorgeous?” Brock asked, amusement in his voice. Darcy looked up in surprise since she assumed he’d be pissed. Instead, she found him fighting back a grin and failing miserably. She frowned, wondering if his rage caused him to have an aneurysm.

“Uh…duh. Of course. You’re so pretty it hurts. And I know that gorgeous guys settle with gorgeous women. Which is what Alana is,” Darcy took a deep breath, tilted her head back and closed her eyes again, almost not believing what she was offering next. “You deserve someone with the same hotness level. And even if I’d rather stab broken glass under my nails, I’ll call her up and explain what I did and you can spend the weekend with her. She deserves the key. Not me.”  

“Just to clarify, you don’t want this key because you think Alana Smyth deserves it? Not because you don’t actually want it yourself?” At Brock’s question, Darcy’s eyes snapped open.

“It’s not about what I want. It’s about what you want,” Darcy insisted, bringing her knees to her chest even though she should probably be getting dressed and leaving. Her heart leapt to her throat when Brock scooted closer to her with a serious frown. Frozen in place, she watched with wide eyes as he leaned his head down. Her eyes fluttered shut when he captured her lips in a gentle kiss. When he moved back, she offered him a pout and watery eyed look. “You kissed me. Why did you kiss me?”

“Because I want _you_ ,” Brock said with a fond smile. Lifting the key between his forefinger and thumb, he pointed it at her nose. “Now take the key.”

“I’m really confused,” admitted Darcy, staring at the key warily. “I literally just told you I’m insane. Guys hate insane women that go on their phone and scare off other women.”

“You _are_ a little insane,” agreed Brock with a nod then let out a chuckle. He still held the key in front of her. “But you’re insane over me. I kind of really like that.”

“You do?” Darcy asked softly, furrowing her brow and taking the key because she felt bad he was still holding it up. Clutching the adorable doggie themed key in her hand, she couldn’t help but grip it to her chest.

“Also, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had the privilege to spend time with. Pretty inside and out.”

“I know that isn’t true,” Darcy insisted but Brock shook his head. Reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, his smile warmed at her shiver. 

“Who are you to tell me what I think is pretty or not? I honestly think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever been with. Also, the most fun, down to earth and genuinely kind person. That’s the truth,” Brock swore, raising his hand up like a boy scout. “Besides, Alana has been bugging me about hooking up for a while now and I can assure you that my answer has always been no. There’s something off about her I don’t trust. Jack says she’s the kind of woman you’d find crying in your kitchen and making dinner after you tell her to leave. So, really, I should thank you for getting her off my back.”

“You really aren’t angry?” Darcy asked a daze. Did he really think she was that beautiful? She wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry or kiss him.

“Of course not. Well, I’m kind of annoyed you already decided who I should marry. I’d always hoped I could have a say in that,” Brock teased.  

“She stopped by the labs yesterday and was asking me about what you liked because she was gonna ‘make her move’. Said she wanted my advice as your ex because I knew what you wanted, apparently. I wanted to rip her hair out,” Darcy admitted, not sure why she was telling him but she seemed to be on a truth roll.

“She asked you what?” Brock’s face twisted into something between disgusted and unimpressed. “What’s the point of her doing that?”

“Alana likes to remind people she’s superior. So, she tried to make it seem like I was doing her a favor by helping her beat the hordes of women at SHIELD who all want to get in your pants,” Darcy let out a huff and lay her chin on her knees. “Also, she sent you a picture of her entire lady business. I might have to ask her where she gets waxed, though. They did a good job. But I don’t know how I’m gonna look her in the eye.”

“Shit, I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Brock said, dragging her over into his lap and laying his chin on her head. “She’s the bad kind of crazy. But next time, please just talk to me instead of running away and deciding my entire future. I really was worried about you. And I don’t want anyone else but you.”

“You don’t?” Darcy asked, voice hitching in excitement and disbelief. She looked up at him, finding a warm, open smile and crinkles around his eyes.

“No one but you,” Brock swore, pecking her on the lips and she thought her heart might have skipped a beat. That was new. “I won’t see anyone else, even if you want something open. And I’ll go to that wedding with you, if you want.”

“Natasha and I are supposed to go on a haunted tour of Savannah and to a spa. I think she’d be pretty angry if our girl’s weekend was invaded by penises,” Darcy said after a beat. Even if she really did want Brock there. In front of her family and not for angry, spiteful reasons. She genuinely wanted to introduce him to her family- at least the ones she liked. Though her dad may get in a snit about the age difference.

“I just have the one penis but I guess I’ll take that as a compliment?” Brock mused and she could feel his silent laughter shaking his chest. “But I’ll just hang out here with Hermes. Get some quality guy time in. Maybe he’ll finally forgive me for defiling his mom.”

“Don’t joke about that. I was serious. We need to be careful around him,” Darcy whispered, leaning into his touch when his arms tightened around her.

“My strange stepson aside, are we good? I don’t want anyone else but you and I want you to stay here as much as you want. Got it?” Brock clarified and Darcy grinned as butterflies fluttered hard enough to cause a tornado in her stomach.

“I don’t want anyone else, either. And you may come to regret the open invite. You’re going to be finding strange, girly knick-knacks around your man cave,” she said, kissing the corner of his mouth. He turned the rest of the way so their lips met in a long kiss that ended with them making love for the next hour. Though, she did stop them long enough to distract Hermes with breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't let Darcy's anxiety over take her too much. But it's also kind of nice to hear a lot of you experience the same anxiety related things as me 😬 at least I'm in good company.


	19. Science Interlude 4: Computer Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
> 
> Have some Jane and Jack shenanigans before the wedding drama.

For the second time, Jack rushed over to the Foster-Lewis household. According to Jane’s text, it was a _real_ emergency. Not a thinly veiled attempt to convince Jack to murder anyone. So again, he ran 2 stop signs and drove through a red light and was actually able to make this trip in 13 minutes. Impressive since he was driving through Thursday night work traffic. Jane did have to buzz him in this time since there was no immediate tenant foot traffic but her door was unlocked and he rushed in to find her…in no obvious bodily harm. She sat on the sofa, feet propped up on the coffee table and scowling at her laptop.

“Where’s the emergency?” Jack asked and Jane just rose laptop into the air. Closing the door behind him, he raised an eyebrow once he got a view of the screen. It was a blurry image of Darcy in some sort of lobby wearing oversized PJs and holding that strange dog of hers. The time stamp revealed it happened sometime the night before.

“Daisy hasn’t been able to help much with hacking because Coulson has her on a long, undercover mission. My hacking skills aren’t up to her or Darcy’s level but I was able to get this before I got locked out of SHIELD’s database,” Jane explained and Jack stared at her with a blank expression because he had the feeling that this was once again, a false alarm.

“Unless she’s gone missing and this is the last known sighting of her, not sure how this constitutes as an emergency,” Jack frowned, handing the laptop back to Jane, who began to type away.

“Oh, just wait,” Jane said with a dark chuckle. Next, she showed him a Google Maps page of an apartment complex. He recognized it because it was the one that Brock lived in. “The camera footage came from this address. Darcy hardly ever sleeps here anymore and she has come up with a myriad of reasons. First, she was house sitting for someone. Then she was helping a friend with a work project. I’ve almost lost track of all her reasons at this point but I got a little curious because she’s been in a good mood lately. Plus, I saw her making a ‘Smexy Smex’ playlist.”

“Uh…so that means she’s found someone else?” Jack guessed, a little sad at the prospect. Not that he begrudged Darcy finding any form of happiness but he was worried that this meant he and Jane had no reason to pretend date. The past few weeks had been bonzer. Both their double dates and the ‘dates’ they went on for further planning. There were times where he’d been able to get her to forget about their scheme. It was almost like they were really dating. If Darcy was all set, then he and Jane probably would have to fake break up. Of course, he supposed he’d also feel sorry for Brock’s lack of Darcy in his life but he’d been chipper as of late so seemed to be in a good place. 

“Look who else lives in this building,” huffed Jane, changing tabs on the web browser to reveal an Instagram post of Public Enemy Number 1: Stig. It was a selfie with his biceps on prominent display but the apartment complex could be seen in the background.

“That doesn’t mean anything. Maybe he was visiting a friend? Could be a coincidence,” Jack suggested but then Jane brought up a scanned image of a lease. For someone with lack of hacking skills, she was still resourceful. He liked that in a woman. When he just stared blankly at the screen as his admiration for Jane clouded his mind, she cleared her throat in annoyance. Refocusing, he noted the lease was from the aforementioned apartment complex but when Jane scrolled to the signatures, he didn’t recognize the scrawled name.

“Halsten Stigr Larsson is his full name,” Jane said. “They’re obviously back together. You know that this means.”

“I’m not murdering anyone,” Jack insisted with a scowl he hoped was also kind of sexy. “Besides, we don’t know for a fact that she’s with Stig again.”

“I can feel it in my bones, Jack. Darcy is getting some and the evidence points to her getting back with that asshole. Darcy doesn’t just hop into bed with random people but she’s comfortable enough with Stig to do it. So, she must be having sex with him. How could we have failed? I never fail. We need to get rid of him and start from scratch,” Jane said and there was a bit of crazy in her gaze. It turned him on a little and that probably wasn’t normal.

“No murder,” Jack said firmly and Jane gave him an annoyed pout as she wrinkled her nose like a brat not getting the toy they wanted. After a long sigh, Jane set her laptop on the coffee table and crossed her arms. She leaned back into the sofa, biting her lip and fell deep in thought.

“You know, she obviously hasn’t told me because she _knows_ getting back with him is a terrible idea. Maybe it’s just a quick rebound thing. But this lease business on his end worries me. He’s never signed a lease long term before. I think we can still salvage this,” Jane nodded to herself. “She’s away at a family wedding this weekend and Natasha’s her date. I doubt she’d try to switch Nat out for Stig. Her family hate Stig and it’s gonna be a hard enough weekend as it is. Southerners have terrible family politics.”

“As much as I’d hate to ask at this point, but do you have a new plan to now break her up from this Stig bloke and then convince her to get together with Brock?” asked Jack.

“We just have to show her that her relationship with Stig is wrong on all levels,” Jane said and Jack’s brow rose. “Which should be easy because that’s just a fact.”

“How are we gonna do that?”

“I don’t know yet. Since you won’t murder him like a complicit minion, it means I have to come up with something new,” Jane complained and this time, Jack let out a sigh. She was a bloodthirsty little thing, wasn’t she?

“Well, I haven’t got any plans this weekend. We could have a brainstorm session,” Jack suggested, hoping he wasn’t being completely obvious at how he wanted to spend time with her. His shoulders tensed when she sent him a narrowed eyed gaze. After a beat, she bit her bottom lip and quirked her head. What he’d give to be her dentist…

“Do you think we aren’t being believable enough on our dates?” Jane asked, completely catching Jack off guard. He took a long moment of fumbling before finding an answer.

“Uh…I don’t know? You think she’s suspicious?” Jack shrugged nonchalantly.

“Maybe if we annoy her, she’ll want to spend more time with Brock and away from us,” Jane suggested lightly and Jack pursed his lips. He had to admit that Darcy did a pretty decent job in trying to give the ‘couple’ some berth. Though, he wouldn’t mind more alone time with Jane.

“How do we annoy her?” Jack tried to sound like he had no real investment in the two of them spending more time with each other.

“She hates extreme PDA,” Jane pointed out. “It makes her want to hide.”

“What constitutes extreme PDA?” asked Jack slowly. So far, he’d held hands with Jane and put the occasional arm around her.

“Making out in public,” Jane said simply and at that, Jack’s eyes bulged out of his head. His old fella also bulged somewhat but he kept that in check. He was a little pathetic when it came to Jane but he wasn’t a perv. “And since Darcy is away this weekend, we have some time to practice.” 

“Practice?” Jack echoed, furrowing his brow slightly. Did she really want to pash? Or rather, practice it? She seemed quite pleased with herself. Or very amused by his reaction. Maybe both. He could feel his face heating up and knew he probably looked as red as the tourists at Bondi Beach.

“You know, you’re cute when you blush. You can also stop pretending you’re not into me,” said Jane with a grin. There was a long beat as she waited for his reaction with eagle eyes. Swallowing past a lump in his throat and knowing for certain that his face was becoming even redder, Jack tried to feign naiveté. 

“I…uh, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Foster,” Jack said, clearing his throat a little bit too forcefully. 

“Okay. I was gonna suggest we practice making out but we can keep this strictly platonic if you want,” Jane shrugged, standing up from the sofa and walking towards the kitchen.

“Now hold on there,” Jack said and she turned to face him again. “I’m not gonna take advantage of you like that.” 

“Jack, it’s cute that you think you could take advantage of me,” Jane smirked. Taking a step towards him, she stood on her tip toes, tugged him down the rest of the way and placed a sweet, gentle kiss on his cheek. Before he could truly process what was happening, she sat back down on her heels and pinched his ass. He was too shocked to do anything other than jump up. Her apartment buzzer went off and he jumped again. “Oh good, I ordered us a pizza You like pizza, right? I hope you don’t mind pineapples on it. Darcy started ordering it because she thought I needed more vitamins but I actually liked it. There’s wine in the kitchen, too. Pour me a glass, will you?” 

" _Strewth_ , what’s happening?” Jack mumbled as Jane went to confirm it was indeed the delivery man at the door. When she bounced out to get the food, he turned his head towards the kitchen and did see a bottle of wine on the counter next to 2 empty wine glasses.

After a beat, he grinned. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who likes pineapple on pizza? I quite like it personally. Though I prefer a thinner crust for a Hawaiian pizza. 
> 
> Also Brock has yet to hear Darcy's Smexxxy Smex mix. She's still trying to perfect it.


	20. When It Rains, It Pours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
> 
> Also, I'm delighted to hear that many of you also like pineapple on pizzas. I feel like TV and the internet make it seem like it's weirder than most people think it is.

**_Text Message, Darcy Lewis, Today 10:21PM_** :

Any news on your sister?

**_Text Message, Roo Boo, Today 10:21PM:_ **

Not yet. Should be good to go any minute now. Rumlow women have good birthing hips.

 ** _Text Message, Darcy Lewis, Today 10:22PM_** :

?

**_Text Message, Roo Boo, Today 10:22PM:_ **

Nonna’s words. No pain killers in the old country so we evolved.

**_Text Message, Darcy Lewis, Today 10:23PM:_ **

Maybe Rumlow babies are just small.

 

 

When Darcy didn’t receive quick reply to her text, she assumed Brock was either trying to come up with something sharply witty or he got an update for his sister. Instead of a boy’s weekend with Hermes, Brock got a call that his sister was in labor. From what Darcy knew, Brock and his sisters were close but he was particularly close with Stefani. It was also her first kid. Naturally, she’d been nervous and Brock, being the perfect big brother, promised her he’d be there if work permitted. Darcy also had a suspicion that he wanted to punch the father in the face, since Brock still didn’t approve of the guy. Something about how he should have gotten down on one knee the moment he heard Stefani was pregnant. His antiquated opinions made Darcy roll her eyes with a tiny smile because he then also mumbled Stefani should have waited till her wedding night before doing any funny business. Obviously, he was a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ type of brother. 

So, they left Hermes with Madeleine and her Iggys for the long weekend. Darcy went to the airport and then Brock grabbed a flight from SHIELD straight to New York. She had to admit she was a little annoyed he got a fast flight through SHIELD connections when she had to fly economy. If he had waited for a commercial flight, he wouldn’t have got into NYC until the next afternoon, so she couldn’t fault him for calling up SHIELD.

But it was hard to not be a little jealous when her first leg of the flight had been delayed, making her almost miss the actual plane to Savannah. Also, when she was wedged between a person hacking their brains out and a baby that wouldn’t stop crying. Darcy did not blame the baby but the sick person needed to learn to cover their sneezes more. She’d landed at the Savannah airport around 9PM and was exhausted. The first thing she was doing when she got into her room was knock back more Zicam and order room service. Then take a long, hot, sanitizing shower (possibly bath) before falling asleep.

Hopefully, Natasha wouldn’t mind waiting a little longer for their foray out into Savannah. The spy had checked into the room earlier and left the second key at the front desk for Darcy. Either way, there were bars nearby Natasha could pre-game in or prowl. Natasha insisted she book the hotel for the weekend and since she had either spy connections or covert threats, they’d been able to get a room for cheap. Or maybe Natasha planned on paying more than Darcy since the spy did like to live it up when she had the chance. It was probably all that sleeping in less than ideal places while on missions. She appreciated luxury when she could. Either way, Darcy could not afford an entire long weekend at the Bohemian Hotel all on her own.

Just as she was about to step into the hotel room, her phone buzzed. She looked down and smiled at Brock’s reply.

 

**_Text Message, Roo Boo, Today 10:25PM:_ **

Nope. All chubby, cute Italian babies. Gotta go. I’ll text you later. XOXO

 

It was cute that he liked to sign off his message threads to her with XOXO. Darcy sent him a bunch of emojis in response, a mix of hearts, a kangaroo and various heart face emojis. A rush of excitement swelled inside of her and she felt like she was falling from a skyscraper. But in a good way. Unbidden, a small giggle bubbled up and she couldn’t help the blush that colored her cheeks when she heard herself. She was getting ridiculous. Clearing her throat, she stepped into the room and admired the unusual décor.

Earthy browns and yellows were the primary colors of the room. The desk had a marble top and matching snakeskin chair. Thick, dark planks of wood framed the golden velvet headboard of the king-sized bed. She frowned as she admired the eclectic cream floral chandelier above the huge bed. That couldn’t be right. A plain black suitcase sat open next to the bed. Darcy assumed it was Natasha’s. Walking further into the room, she tossed her bags to the floor and resisted the urge to fall face first in the bed. Instead, she sat back in the rolling snakeskin chair.

When she heard the toilet flush and the sink run in bathroom, she called out.

“Did they accidently give us a single bed? If they don’t have anything else, I don’t mind cuddling.” The thought made her laugh to herself. If Brock freaked out at the possibility of Natasha stealing Darcy away, he’d probably be quite put out at them having to share a bed.

“Uh, ma’am, I think you may be in the wrong room,” a decidedly _male_ voice called out, only slightly muted by the bathroom door. Darcy sat up straight as she realized they must have given her the wrong key. Did they mix the keys up or were there 2 Darcys running around the hotel? A blond head poked itself from the bathroom.

“Steve?”

“Darcy?”

Much to Darcy’s surprise, Steve Rogers stepped out of the bathroom in a white t-shirt, dark sweatpants and a confused frown on his face. Back when Jane and Thor were still together, Darcy got to tag along on some Avengers outings. She ended up meeting and befriending Steve in addition to Natasha. While Darcy and Steve had a casual friendship, they never did much more than like each other’s Instagram photos once Thor left. Though, Darcy was the one to help Steve set up his account. She never knew he’d create the most snarktastic posts about the modern era but she was proud she’d enticed him onto social media.

“Uh, they must have given me the wrong key. Were you expecting someone else?” Darcy asked, hoping she didn’t ruin a romantic weekend. Through the grapevine (AKA Natasha), she heard he was seeing Peggy Carter’s niece, which was weird and she tried her best not to judge. But she thought they broke up a few months ago. Unless they got back together. Natasha had been complaining to her that Steve refused any of her rebound suggestions.

“No, I assumed I would be alone. Down here as a favor to Natasha. She wanted me to attend some charity weekend event,” Steve explained.

“Oh, Natasha was supposed to be my date for my cousin’s wedding. If I knew she had to go to a charity event instead, I could have found another person,” Darcy said, mind moving to Brock. Not that he would have been able to make it with his sister in labor now but she still kind of wished he were here with her. “She told me she already checked in and my key was at the front desk. I’ll call her and see what room she’s in.”

“Her room’s in New York,” Steve said harshly and Darcy took a step back. As nice as he was, when he was angry, it radiated off his skin as a palpable rage. She did not know how those politicians didn’t just run the other way when they pissed him off. When Steve noticed her concern, he cleared his throat and the anger lessened to a slow simmer. “Sorry. I mean, she’s been trying to set me up for a while. I think this is one of her plots. I know for a fact that she’s in New York right now.”

“I’d be honored that she thought I was up to Captain America romance standards if this didn’t ruin my weekend,” Darcy said, more so to herself, and Steve sent her a wry look.

“I’ll see if I can get another room. Natasha said this one was all paid for,” he offered nobly. 

“You don’t have to. I can get a different room,” Darcy said, mostly because it was polite. She left off the part where she would have to go to a completely different hotel that had cheaper rooms. Steve shook his head.

“No, Natasha will pay for both of our rooms,” Steve assured her. “This her mess.”

“You think you can tell her to come down here immediately in your Captain America voice? If I don’t show up to this wedding without an A-list date, I will never hear the end of it from my family,” Darcy asked, trying not to whine. Seriously, she’d been hinting at an awesome date, if only to annoy her aunt but now the rest of her family were super curious. “Hell, I’d even take Tony if he wanted to fly down in his suit. Okay, I’d prefer Rhodey out of the two of them but Tony if I really have to. My boyfriend-uh, I mean, man…male acquaintance’s sister is having a baby and I don’t think he can make it last minute.”

Even to Darcy, the stumble sounded a little sad. The term boyfriend naturally rolled off her tongue until she realized what she said. She wasn’t ready to put a label on things. Or maybe she was? Still, she didn’t want it going around that she had a boyfriend yet. At least, she thought she didn’t. Either way, it shouldn’t matter to Steve.

“Since I’m already here, I can be your date. It’s the least I can do since I sort of got a free vacation out of this whole mess,” Steve said with an amused smile and quirk of his eyebrow. “I know I’m no Rhodey but at least I’m not Tony. Unless your boyfriend-man-male acquaintance will take offense.”

“Boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend. Technically. Kind of. I mean, we haven’t talked about official labels and we kind of haven’t told anyone that we’re seeing each other,” Darcy explained even though she knew there was no reason that Steve even cared. Her and Brock’s issues were certainly trivial to Steve. And the issues were more so Darcy’s issues than Brocks. Though…maybe this weekend she could try out the term in front of people. Since her saying it now didn’t leave a bad taste in her mouth or fill her completely with fright, that was a good sign. Right? She just hoped that Brock would be okay with it since they didn’t actually talk about revealing what they had to others.

“You’re not back with Stig, are you?” Steve frowned in his ‘America is disappointed in you’ face. Darcy’s jaw dropped and she shook her head to try and see if she would wake up from what was obviously a dream. Why the hell would Captain America know anything about her tragic love life? Though, she supposed it was significantly less tragic with Brock involved. Noticing her flabbergasted reaction, Steve shrugged. “I saw you guys together on Instagram a lot. Then there were videos of animals with sad background music and inspirational single life quotes.”

“Uh..it’s not Stig,” Darcy said, feeling her face heat. Had she been that pathetic and obvious?

“Good, he seemed like an asshole,” Steve said simply before taking on a more lilting, tempting tone. “Sam and I both thought you could do better. Actually, Sam wouldn’t mind coming down as your date if your ‘male acquaintance’ isn’t any better than your ex.”

“Does Sam Wilson have a crush on me?” Darcy asked in awe. At the twinkle in Steve’s eye, she couldn’t help but grin. Now, Steve’s strange knowledge of her ex made a little more sense, if he had been keeping tabs for a friend. Even if she was quite happy with Brock, it was still flattering. Clearing her throat, she preened a little as she brought herself back to reality. “My male acquaintance and I are fine. And he’s significantly much more decent than Stig. Like, the best, actually. I don’t know why he puts up with me. He could do better.”

“You’re great though, you deserve the best,” swore Steve and Darcy could tell that ‘Sam is the best’ was on the tip of his tongue. Deciding she needed to nip the matchmaking Avengers at the bud, Darcy spoke before Steve could expound all the reasons why Sam was good boyfriend material (secretly, Darcy thought Steve was a closeted bi and needed to give it a shot with Sam and/or Bucky at some point).

“But I really don’t want to force you to spend time with my family. This is supposed to be the most important wedding in Savannah this entire year. At least, as hoped for by my aunt. So, I take that with a grain of salt. But, also, you’re going to meet my horrible family. They’re not all horrible. My cousins are great but all their parents are super entitled. I only thought Natasha could handle it because of her training as a Black Widow.”

“It honestly doesn’t sound too bad,” Steve said, not at all frightened at the prospect. “I’ve probably faced worse. Though, sometimes family can be as daunting as a line of Panzers. Either way, I’m more than happy to face them and you can tell them whatever lie about me you want.” 

“If you’re really sure, then you’re a total life saver,” Darcy sighed in relief once she saw Steve was not budging on the matter. “But seriously, Nat planned a whole girl’s weekend leading up to the wedding with fun tours and spa time. You’re totally welcome to tag along.”

“I could use a facial,” Steve said with complete sincerity and Darcy held her breath until she saw the twitch of a smirk. “I suspect Nat wanted me to tag along in the first place.”

“She probably secretly planned a whole, super romantic trip. Didn’t she?” Darcy mused with a wrinkled nose and Steve nodded grimly.

“But she also probably paid for all of it,” Steve pointed out and Darcy had to admit that was a big bonus.

“As long as you keep your hands to yourself. My boyfriend won’t be happy to hear that Captain America is trying to seduce me,” Darcy teased.

“I’ll do my best,” promised Steve with a snort, moving to the hotel phone to call the front desk to get their room situation sorted. As he did so, Darcy texted Brock about the ridiculous situation before attempting a call to Nat. Just as Darcy found Natasha in her contacts list, her phone rang and Roo Boo flashed up on the screen.

“Hey, is something wrong with Stefani?” Darcy asked as she answered the call.

“What? She’s fine,” Brock clipped out and Darcy highly doubted that was actually the case. The woman was about to give birth to a chubby baby Rumlow. “What’s this about you sharing a room with Steve Rogers?”

“Oh, it’s not a big deal. Nat was trying to set us up. Apparently, she’s been on his case about getting a date and obviously saw an opening,” Darcy explained, hearing a muffled curse from Brock. “What’s wrong now?”

“What’s wrong is Romanoff is a meddler who needs to mind her own damn business,” Brock spat.

“She meant well,” Darcy said, although Nat did kind of muck up a much needed girl’s weekend. Steve sent her a questioning glance. Darcy wondered how good his hearing was because he looked like he agreed with Brock.

“If Steve tries anything with you-”

“This is Steve Rogers. He’s a boy scout,” Darcy rolled her eyes but didn’t miss the quirk of Steve’s eyebrow and flash of mischief on his face. “He’s getting himself a new room and he’s well aware that I do not need any matchmaking this weekend.”

“Just say the word and I’ll catch a flight down there,” Brock said, voice softening with such sincerity that it almost sounded like a vow. Darcy’s heart skipped a beat. 

“What about your sister?” Darcy asked, lowering her voice since she was starting to realize Steve’s hearing was a lot better than she originally thought. The national treasure was watching her in interest. Turning her back on Steve, she continued whispering into her cell phone. “That’s kind of more important than a wedding. Besides, Steve said he’ll stick around and be my date. It’s no big deal. My family is expecting someone semi-famous at this point. I need to deliver.”

“No, no, no. I’ll be down there by tomorrow morning,” Brock insisted. “I can probably convince the SHIELD base here to drop me off-”

“You are not commandeering a helicarrier or jet or whatever just so you can ditch your family to spend time with me. Stay with your sister. She needs you more than I do,” Darcy ordered but couldn’t help add, “but thank you, that’s a really sweet offer.”

“Baby, I…don’t like that she stood you up and tried to manipulate you like that. Seriously, just say the world and I’ll be on the next flight there,” said Brock with a tired sigh and Darcy couldn’t help but smile. She never had a guy willing to drop everything for her.

“Stop worrying about me. You’re there to be a supportive brother. Which includes not doing an impromptu wedding,” Darcy berated because she did wonder about all the motives and plans he had for this NYC trip. “I saw that certificate you got in the mail. Did you really become an officiant?”

“Hey, I wanted to be prepared for any scenario,” Brock insisted with a whine. Darcy was about to berate him about bulldozing people’s wants and opinions when there was a distant voice on his side. “Shit, Stefani’s asking for me. I gotta go. Unless you want me with you.”

“Help your sister through the birth of her first child. And you better do whatever she asks you,” Darcy said firmly.

“ _Okay_. I’ll talk you later. I miss you, Lobster. And if Steve tries anything with you, kick him in the balls,” Brock said, causing Darcy to snicker.

“If I attack Captain America, is that a terrorist act?”

“I’ll bail you out of federal prison,” Brock promised.

“Thanks. Also, lobster? Is that my new nickname?” Darcy asked, confused at what he was suggesting with it. “Is that a dig on how I can’t tan?”

“No. They had a _Friends_ rerun on TV. I was watching with Stefani before her contractions got worse,” Brock explained and Darcy finally understood the reference. Did he really see her as the one for him? For the rest of his life? Maybe he didn’t watch the full scene…

“Oh…aww, okay,” Darcy wasn’t sure what else she could say. She was out of witty replies. She also didn’t want to belittle something so sweet with a deflecting joke. It was something she found herself doing more with Brock. Enjoying romantic things with him and not cracking a joke to lessen it. “I miss you too, Roo.”

When an almost shrill voice called his name, Brock apologized and offered another sweet goodbye before hanging up. Darcy stood with the phone still to her ear for a moment, enjoying that sensation of falling again. She mouthed out ‘boyfriend’ and the silent word practically buzzed on her lips.

“He does sound nicer than your last boyfriend,” Steve said with a delighted smirk on his face once Darcy turned back around.

“How much of my conversation did you hear?” Darcy asked, crossing her arms as Steve pursed his lips.

“I didn’t hear anything. Just your side of the conversation,” Steve said innocently but Darcy didn’t trust him one bit. The twinkle in his eye was too knowing and his grin too Cheshire cat. “I need to talk to the front desk about a new room.”

“Okay. Let me know if you have any issues,” Darcy said, allowing him to divert the conversation for now. As Steve quickly packed his suitcase, they made casual chatter before he made his way out of the room. She forgot how cheeky Steve Rogers could be. Maybe while they were hanging out, she could drop little hints about the LGBTQ community. See if Steve was at the very least a little bi-curious. While Darcy wasn’t a huge fan of matchmaking, she supposed she could try and help nudge Steve towards man on man love as a thank you for helping her mildly terrorize her aunt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the suggestions for pet names for Darcy! I quite liked justduck82's Friends reference suggestion. But perhaps Brock will have a rotation of names for Darcy depending on his mood. 
> 
> Also I don't think I put the Bohemian Hotel's decor to justice. I quite liked the quirky interior design they had going. Although I've never visited that hotel, I did visit Savannah a few times as a kid. I don't remember any landmarks but I did enjoy it.  
> https://www.marriott.com/hotels/hotel-photos/savak-the-bohemian-hotel-savannah-riverfront-autograph-collection/


	21. Crazy In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now a short moment with Brock and his disaster of a love life. 
> 
> As always, thanks for your comments and kudos! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤

“So, who is she?” 

The question pulled Brock’s attention away from his phone. He’d been glaring at Darcy’s Instagram for the better part of 15 minutes now. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, he should have been paying attention to his little sister and baby nephew. A blush heated his cheeks and neck at being caught in the middle of such juvenile behavior. Brock stuffed the phone back into his pocket and turned to Stefani sitting in the hospital bed. Baby Luca was sleeping peacefully in the hospital crib next to her. She watched her son with love struck eyes but there was a little smirk as she spared Brock a look.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Brock lied but Stefani could see right through him. She’d successfully given birth in the wee hours of the morning. After Luca getting the initial all clear, some attempts at sleep and lots of family visits later, it was just nearing 6PM. Most everyone had gone to grab some dinner with promises of bringing back decent food for the new parents. Brock had decided to stay back and keep Stefani some company. A snore from the couch caught Brock’s attention as Stefani smiled. Noah, Luca’s father, seemed about dead to the world. Given that Noah had stayed by Stefani’s side despite the most colorful cursing Brock had ever heard, he had to begrudgingly admit the guy probably deserved a nap.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Stefani scoffed and even though Brock didn’t think it would work, he still tried to distract her.

“How about we talk about your marriage, instead? Seems like everyone else thinks the two of you should tie the knot. Including that Kiwi idiot,” Brock said, keeping his voice low as he pointed a thumb at the New Zealander. He and Stefani met in college and Brock had always been lukewarm about him. Stefani insisted it was because Brock didn’t like any of her boyfriends, which technically was true. Much to his surprise, Noah insisted he’d already asked Stefani multiple times to get married but she always answered ‘no’. 

“Uh, I just had a baby, can I focus on that first? Though, if it makes you feel any better, I do plan on marrying Noah at some point. I just like to see him squirm,” Stefani said with a teasing smirk, watching her slumbering partner. “Maybe if he has some visa issues then I’ll drag him to city hall. But I want him to ask me when he really means it. Not because he’s got pressure from all of you guys.”

“You get all that from ma,” Brock grumbled, causing his sister to let out a snorty laugh.

“And you get the inability to deflect properly from her. _So_ ,” Stefani drew out the ‘o’ with a look that he knew full well meant she would never give up. Ma said it was the ‘Resolute Rumlow’ stare. “Who is she? I hope she’s better than Sharon.”

“I don’t know why you didn’t like Sharon. She's amazing,” Brock said and the little pucker of Stefani’s mouth clearly indicated she didn’t appreciate him still trying to redirect the conversation. Though, it had always been a slight sticking point for him. Sharon had been the first woman in a long time that he introduced to his family and everyone but Stefani took a liking to her. They’d all been devastated when he and Sharon called it quits and he was pretty sure his mom gave up all real hope on Brock ever settling down at that point. Two broken engagements later and him still hanging onto the ring he would have given Sharon if she gave him the chance to ask kind of made Brock give up hope too. Then there was Darcy…

“She wasn’t right for you,” insisted Stefani. “The two of you were like a picture of those couples you see in those fancy newspaper engagement announcements. All perfect and fake on the outside but you know that it’s gonna end in one of them with a drinking problem and the other with loads of affairs.”

“How can you know that?” Brock asked defensively, sitting up a little bit straighter. He didn’t like that she may have been right. Things between him and Sharon became strained when he floated the idea of them getting married. She suggested a ‘break’ not long after that, insisting their roles just as Hydra was going to be taken down could put them both at risk. She promised they’d get back together once he didn’t have to be a triple agent anymore. Then he found out she was dating Steve Rogers not even a week after Brock agreed to steal back SHIELD equipment as Crossbones. He only agreed to Fury’s crazy scheme because Sharon didn’t return his calls. 

That had been a sucker punch in the gut. It made sense on her end, since she grew up listening to stories about how the sun shone out of Steve’s ass. She probably thought she was trading up or living a childhood fantasy or something. Especially since he was pretty badly burnt until Dr. Cho’s Cradle experiments. Though, Brock thought Steve had a bit more class than to go after the niece of Peggy Carter. Stefani was the only other Rumlow who knew the whole sordid tale. Brock did on occasion check up on Sharon- he told himself it was because he genuinely cared about her more than any other woman he’d dated. Definitely not because he engaged in unhealthy behavior due to the lack of closure. That’s what Stefani said. She only took one semester of Psychology, so what did she know? 

What Brock did know was that Sharon and Steve broke up. That thought made his stomach sour given all the pictures of Steve and Darcy now filling up his Instagram feed. Very intimate looking photos, at that. Steve never struck Brock as a cuddler before, not even with Sharon. Brock trusted Darcy more than Sharon, he was only mildly surprised to realize. Of course, he didn’t fully trust Steve. The guy was still sour about the elevator fight. If it weren’t for Stefani and Luca, Brock would be down in Savannah now, picking another public fight with Captain America.

“You guys liked the idea of each other but you weren’t really in love. I mean, I guess she loved and cared for you until she bailed but she wasn’t in crazy monkey love with you,” Stefani said and that caused Brock to chuckle. When Brock had questioned Stefani on if she really wanted to stay with Noah, she proudly declared they were in ‘crazy monkey love’. Not that Brock could ever imagine Noah that way. The guy seemed very chill all the time. To the point Brock suspected he was high but Stefani assured him that was not the case. She insisted Noah saved the passion for when Brock wasn’t around.

“I think I’m a little old for that, now,” Brock said with a bitter smile. “I’d throw out my back or something.”

“That’s not what the essence of CML is,” said Stefani in a haughty voice. “It means you’re so in love that sometimes your inner ape takes over and makes you seem irrational. Like what you’re doing right now. Staring at your phone and glaring at some Instagram photos.”

Brock hunched his shoulders and scoffed, trying to insist he was doing the opposite. He wasn’t sure yet what the opposite was but Stefani continued despite his complaints. “I’m sure Darcy isn’t gonna leave you for that tall glass of patriotic lemonade. You can totally tell she’s surprised every time he has his arms around her. Like he did it last minute or she’s not used to it. And he’s got such a gleam in his eyes like he knows he’s doing something naughty. Maybe he’s trying to make someone jealous.” 

“Wha- h-how did you…that’s not-” Brock stuttered, completely blindsided at how Stefani knew this. On a regular day, he might be able to guess but she’d been in labor for almost 18 hours. Even she had to have some limits to her powers. Still, he stopped offering to get her a job at New SHIELD as a behind the scenes intel agent. She had an uncanny ability to find out whatever she wanted about someone. He now elevated it to an almost supernatural ability.

“Lisa stole your phone when you fell asleep in the waiting room,” Stefani said with a pleased tone. Of course. One of their cousins, the same age as Stefani, had been the rebel of the Rumlow family. There was a period where she had practiced pickpocketing skills on her siblings and cousins (she eventually gave everything back with a scowl). Now, she was mostly a responsible member of society but she and Stefani were trouble when left alone. “You kept texting with a stupid grin and then you got upset after some secret phone call. She bet 50 bucks on you having woman trouble that you caused and I cracked your phone code. Seriously, you use the same three all the time so that’s on you. Darcy’s cute though. So is her dog. I already like her better than Sharon.”

“When did you have time for any of this?” Brock asked, watching his sister with newfound admiration. She could have made a good spy, not that he’d ever let her take on that profession.

With a simple shrug, Stefani leaned back against the bed. “Luca took a while. I needed a distraction from all the contractions. So, why haven’t you told any of us about her? Give Ma some hope so she can forget about giving me lectures on marriage.”

“Because there’s not much to tell. I mean, we agreed to keep it all casual,” Brock explained, unable to help the grimace on his face as he said ‘casual’.

“Oh, it’s _so_ not casual,” Stefani said, trying to hold back a laugh. She scooted over on the bed and pat at the spot next to her. With a sigh, Brock sat beside her but made sure she still had lots of space. “You look like you’re about to murder Captain America. Seriously, even in my delirious pain, I could tell you had a goofy look on your face. You never looked at Sharon or Melanie or Leanne like that. Not once.”

“I didn’t have a goofy look,” Brock insisted, frowning at the mentions of the only serious relationships he’d had. He’d been engaged to both Melanie and Leanne. At first, things went well. Eventually, they couldn’t take his work schedule. They started thinking he cheated since he was always gone and could never talk details. When he and Sharon started dating, he thought it was going to be so much better since they both understood SHIELD protocols but she also ended up being a big disappointment. 

“You had the CML look. Lisa confirmed it. Darcy’s totally the one,” Stefani said in a sing-song voice and Brock scoffed at her assumptions. Even if there was a secret part of him that wanted to shout out in agreement. If he told his family about Darcy, they’d track her down on social media or even plan a ‘surprise’ visit to Seattle. They were a little over-enthusiastic and his mother would probably start planning a wedding or baby Christening the moment she heard (Ma said she’d prayed to God every day for a year in hopes that Brock would give her a grandbaby before she died). Since Darcy wasn’t ready to be open about their relationship, having his family insist to meet her would probably put an early end to it.

“Yeah, well, I gotta convince of her of that first,” Brock mumbled, running a frantic hand through his hair. It was going to be damn hard to convince Darcy if she was being romanced by Steve. With a somber pout, Stefani bumped Brock’s shoulder with hers.

“Wanna tell me about it?” she offered gently but Brock shook his head.

“Nah. You don’t wanna hear it. You got a baby. He’s more important than his uncle’s disaster of a love life,” Brock insisted but Stefani quirked her eyebrow in a way that reminded him of their mother.

“If I didn’t wanna hear about it, I wouldn’t have asked,” she said. Pretty much an exact quote from Mrs. Sofia Rumlow. It made Brock smile. Despite their mother’s proclivities to stick her nose in all her kids’ business, she was a great mom. And he could tell Stefani would be just as great, if not better. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Brock started with how he met Darcy and how they kept getting on each other’s nerves. Ten minutes in, he was starting to think he may have that CML face she’d been talking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I have to put a disclaimer that I'm not bashing Sharon. I just really don't like the Sharon/Steve pairing (not to shame any pairing, I just think it's creepy given their backgrounds). Everyone involved in the paring, including Peggy, deserves better.


	22. Some Of Us, We Have Tattoos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm going to try my best to write more but things in my life have been kind of emotionally exhausting. I'm feel like I'm finally kind of getting grounded again but not sure how long that will last...Still, love you guys! Hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> As always, thank you for all your comments and kudos! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
> 
> Title from Frank Turner's Tattoos, which is a song that always makes me smile.

"Look at my nails, Steve!” Darcy commanded joyfully, waving the back of her hand in front of Steve’s face. Looking up from his craft beer, he tried to hold back a chuckle but his shoulders were shaking. 

“I know, doll, you keep wavin’ ‘em so close to my face I’m worried you’ll poke out an eye,” Steve said wryly. “All day. Did you know you’ve been gesturing with your hands more?”

“But they make me feel sassy. I mean, most of my family will say they make me look cheap but what do they know?” said Darcy haughtily, preening somewhat as she admired her acrylic nails for the 100th time that day. They’d spent a few hours at a spa earlier in the day before sight-seeing. After a couple’s massage (Natasha’s noble but failed attempt to get Steve and Darcy nude and in the mood for romance), they got mani-pedis. While Steve just got a plain buffing on his nails, Darcy decided to go all out. She got half-inch long acrylic nails, painted peach with a silver glitter accent nail. It was taking her some time to get adjusted to doing normal things with her hands like using her phone and buttoning up her jeans but the extra attitude it gave her was worth it.

Amid Darcy’s seagull like fascination with her hands, she and Steve took loads of pictures to upload to both of their Instagrams. They ended up getting a lot of passing tourists to take pictures for them. Darcy hadn’t realized how touchy Steve was until today. An arm around the shoulder didn’t initially surprise her but he seemed to get bolder. A friendly chin leaning on the top of her head as a tease about how short she was turned into semi-hugs and could almost be categorized as cuddles. A few of her favorites from the day looked like Prom picture poses. Steve told her he was helping her build a story to shove in her aunt’s face if she wanted.

Which, honestly, Steve offering to be a pretend boyfriend was way more than she thought he’d be willing to do and she might have jumped at the duplicitous chance before, but now, she felt a little guilty. Every time he put a casual arm around her or asked her simple stuff any boyfriend should know, she thought about Brock. And how she wished it was him here, instead. As fun as Steve was, she still missed Brock. Which was silly because she saw him just the day before and would see him soon enough. But he hadn’t replied to her last text, almost 8 hours ago. He was probably sleeping, since he announced that Stefani’s baby boy was almost 8 pounds and delivered in the early hours of the morning. Still, she only halfheartedly agreed with Steve on their backstory details.

Instead of continuing to come up with silly, romantic stories they could tell during the wedding reception, complete with them finishing each other’s sentences, Darcy decided to just tell Steve about her tattoos. That counted as information he should probably know as a ‘boyfriend’. Currently, they sat at a table in the World Of Beer bar, waiting for some of her cousins to show up. While her bride-to-be cousin, Katie, and her sister Ashely, were essentially being held hostage at the wedding venue, there were other cousins to meet. There was a whole group text too, which had been blowing up all day as Darcy posted pictures of her and Steve’s adventures. The group text was titled ‘Reject Cousins’ because they had all also been kicked out of the wedding party that Katie had dreamed up. Seriously, Auntie Caroline was a wedding tyrant. Darcy had seen the screenshots of Katie’s texting rants during the whole process.

It made her thankful that her father was the black sheep of the Bradshaw family and had no interest in up keeping up appearances with the ‘real southern belle housewives of Georgia’. Her parents were coming in late tonight so were going to meet Darcy for breakfast and she’d have to remember to thank her dad for being more interested in botany. Still, she felt bad for Katie who was definitely not getting the magical day she deserved. Even the rehearsal dinner had been hijacked. Darcy’s invite had ‘been lost in the mail’ and it was too late to add her to the seating arrangements since the caterers ‘couldn’t possibly’ make an extra plate. Her ‘reject’ cousins did get invites, though. Probably because their parents were important socially.

“So, I gotta know about the chest piece. Y’know, when we first met, I was embarrassed because you caught me looking at it one time and thought you might have thought I was lookin’…a little more south,” Steve admitted, fighting a smile as he slowly sipped his beer.

“I know you looked a little bit. Honestly, I was just honored Captain America liked my boobs,” Darcy said, amused when Steve almost snorted out his beer but caught himself just in time. She remembered that day. It had been hot and humid and she’d stripped down to a tank top when of course, in walked Steve Rogers for an introduction. He had been staring intently at her chest and she wasn’t sure if he was judging her for the ink because of old fashioned values or was a perv. She’d given him a glare because she wasn’t going to let anyone shame her ink if that were the case and the hint of a blush had touched his cheeks as he began to sputter.

“I was an artist before the serum. I can appreciate both the human form and well done tattoos,” insisted Steve, leaning back and rubbing his chin. “I thought about getting a tattoo once. Knew a guy down at Coney Island who’d give ya one for some favors. Bucky talked me out of it. Said I’d probably faint the moment the needle touched my arm and he’d have to carry me back home.”

“Did you want a pin up girl or a bald eagle?” Darcy asked, trying not to sound too excited at the idea of pristine Captain America with a tattoo when this could very well be an elaborate joke.

“Neither. It was a close tie between a heart with ‘mom’ or a heart with ‘Bucky’ in it,” Steve said and this time, it was Darcy’s turn to try and not spit out her drink.

“I really wish that were true. I got my chest piece after Thor landed in New Mexico. Jane started getting actual recognition then and I’d been following this tattoo artist for a while. Loved her stuff but her spots filled up quickly and she was pretty selective with who she’d tattoo for,” Darcy explained. “But she seemed to be a big fan of Jane’s. Jane and I were passing through New York for a talk and I dragged Jane to the shop. The artist was a little bummed Jane didn’t want anything but she was more than happy to draw something for me. Told her I wanted something to remind me of Thor, the desert and Jane’s legacy and got this amazing piece.”

“What about the cheeky dame you got on your arm?” Steve asked, nodding his head to the smirking brunette in a tiny dress. It wasn’t her first tattoo but it would probably always be her favorite. s

“That’s Grandma Lewis, back in the day,” Darcy said fondly. “On my mom’s side of the family. My grandpa was in the navy for a brief period. Not long enough to really see much action but long enough to get drunk and get tattoos. He and my grandma were kind of on and off at first. One time, during one of their off periods, he got this in funk and insisted that it was the closest he could get to ever seeing her again. The next time she saw him, he told her that the original would always be better than the copy and she agreed to marry him. The rest is Lewis Family history. I got my own version of it when he passed away. Grandma went with me to a shop that was owned by the grandson of one of gramp’s Navy friends. He’d always bring the them donuts and coffee on Sunday mornings. As well as a corny joke.”

“Sounds like he was quite a character,” Steve said with a sincere smile which was only slightly soured with a hint of envy. Sometimes he got maudlin when he heard stories or talked to people who had been through the wars and able to age with their loved ones. She was sure he wasn’t over Peggy but she doubted he ever really would be. Though, if he and Bucky got together, he might realize that love in the 21st century was still possible for him. The two of them really were cute together, with their teasing jabs and loving glances when the other wasn’t paying attention.

“Grandma called him a lovesick fool. But yeah, I miss him. He took me to get my first tattoo when I was 16, actually. Every year for my birthday, ever since I could remember, he would ask me what present I wanted. I always said I wanted one of the pictures he had. When I was old enough to reason with him why I wanted one, he took me to a buddy of his he knew back in his Navy days. My parents flipped out, obviously,” Darcy said, smiling fondly and looking out into the crowded bar as she remembered the shouting match that had ensued. Lifting her wrist, she showed Steve the anchor and rope inside her forearm. The style may have been more at home on the arm of an old sailor but she loved it. Brock had been in awe when she told him she’d gotten her first tattoo from one of the old-school masters. Given that she was a 16-year-old girl and didn’t flinch at all, which impressed the artist, Darcy had to admit she was proud of it too. “Gramps held my hand but he was squeezing me more than I was him. He always said that anchors were supposed to remind you of what keeps you steady and I think of him whenever I see it.”

“Is that where you got the other sailor tattoos?” Steve pointed to the swallow, horseshoe and snake tattoos scattered across her arms.

“No. I actually didn’t get another tattoo until I was 20. Those were mostly the flowers and shrubbery on my shoulders and arms. These…are actually from Stig,” Darcy admitted and Steve’s smile faltered.

“Oh…sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry. They’re how I originally met him. I was walking past the shop and saw his flash. Made me think of the ones my grandpa had so I went in. He didn’t start actually hitting on me until after the third one,” said Darcy, noticing the concern on Steve’s face at the concept of a tattoo artist hitting on their clients. While Darcy knew it was a skeevy thing that did happen, she’d always had a crush on Stig and had been just so excited he might have felt the same. She also always felt comfortable with him during their sessions and never like he was taking advantage of her. Things had started off sweet and simple between them, Darcy remembered with a sad wistfulness.

“You ever think about getting them removed or covered?”

Offering a small shrug, Darcy bumped her shoulder against Steve’s arm when his frown deepened. He lay his cheek on top her head. It was comforting. “You’d think I’d hate them because they’re from him but I still love each one. Not because they’re _from_ him but because they’re all pieces I wanted and are so well done. Each one had a meaning that had nothing to do with my feelings towards Stig. To be honest, I got them from him before we even started dating. So, I don’t associate them with anything from our relationship.”

“That’s good,” Steve said slowly, eventually pulling his head back to give her a reassuring smile.

“Besides, I felt weird getting tattoos from him after we dated because I wasn’t sure how to tip him,” Darcy said, pulling a tiny smile from Steve. Though, there was a grain of truth in the joke. “And he never offered to give me any freebies. So, I lucked out on the cliché boyfriend tattoo horror stories. He did get my name tattooed on him, though. On his chest. Right above his peck. I didn’t even ask him to do it.”

“Is that what I’m gonna have to do to prove my love to your family?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow and Darcy let out a too loud laugh that would have caught attention if they weren’t in a noisy bar.

“Yeah, just put my name under Bucky’s,” teased Darcy and Steve leaned backwards, roaring in laughter as he tapped his hand to his own peck.

“Darcy Ann Lewis, you have so much explaining to do,” said a familiar voice. The berating tone was forced and Darcy couldn’t help but snicker as she turned around to find three of her cousins. The one who had spoken, Michael, held his arms across his chest and tapped his foot on the ground. From the look on his face, he was clearly disappointed he hadn’t been in the know of what the hell Darcy was up to when it came to annoying Aunt Caroline. He’d known of the Natasha lesbian-undertones plot but hunky American beefcake was clearly an unforgivable sin to leave out. And he did not like to be left out of plots. He’d totally be into trying to help her get Steve on the bi train, though. That would earn her his forgiveness if he could have a hand at gaying up Captain America. She’d just have to covertly text him.

“Uh, Steve, these are my cousins, Michael, Britney and Chelsea,” Darcy said, waving her hand towards them. Steve stood up from his chair and gave them all a handshake.

“Are you seriously dating Captain America? Auntie Caroline almost had a stroke when Michael showed her the pictures. She said you Photoshopped them and that you’d show up without a date and a fake sob story,” Chelsea blurted out, complaining when Britney pinched her to be quiet.

“Auntie Caroline sounds like a piece of work,” Steve said flatly and clearly unimpressed the more he heard about this woman.

“She’s a salty, manipulative shrew in perfectly tailored outfits and is a demon ringleader amongst the Bradshaw parents,” Michael explained as calmly as if he were discussing the weather. He had a theory that the Bradshaws would be a much happier, accepting family if Aunt Caroline wasn’t there but Darcy knew that Grandma Bradshaw wasn’t a basket of sunshine either. Michael was supposed to be Katie’s Man of Honor before the title had been ripped away from him and given to her sister, Ashley. Both Michael and Ashley had been unhappy with this, since Ashley hated big events and would have been happy to just show up and drink in a corner. Unfortunately, Michael was just a bit too gay for Aunt Caroline’s vision and she would not hear of a ‘Man of Honor’ over the ‘Maid’.

Similar decisions had been the reason for Brit and Chelsea getting the axe. Britney was a cute bobbed brunette with a button nose and a gap-toothed smile. When she refused to agree to lose 20 pounds before the wedding and get Invisaligns, Katie had to later tearfully tell Brit that she couldn’t be a bridesmaid. Chelsea, much like Darcy, had never even been in the running. Even though she looked like a beautiful, lithe Southern Belle, she was a bit of a klutz. Back in college, Chelsea accidently spilled dark soda on Caroline’s cream dress at a public function and their aunt had never forgiven her. If she wasn’t questioning Darcy’s choice in men, she was making passive aggressive remarks on Chelsea’s balance. 

“Is it true that Katie wants to have a redo wedding after all of this?” Darcy asked as her cousins settled into their seats and ordered their drinks.

“Yes and I’m the Man of Honor for it. But we can talk about that later. When did you trade in the red-headed Russian for America’s ass?” Michael asked, waving his hand as if he could wave the conversation along. The slight purse to his lips and the slight twitch of an eyebrow were the tale tell signs he was teasing. 

“Michael!” Britney scolded, blushing as she covered her grin with her hand.

“I don’t know if my ass should represent America but Nat...couldn’t make it. I was more than happy to step in,” Steve trailed off, looking to Darcy to see how far he should take the charade. Given that these cousins could be trusted and would also enjoy some minor chaos at the wedding, she felt it would be fine to tell them everything.

“Nat tried to set us up but Steve’s not picking up what I’m putting down,” Darcy offered a fake, forlorn sigh and Steve let out a derisive snort.

“She’s got a secret boyfriend, which makes me the other man,” Steve added. “So, who’s the one that should really be upset?”

“I assume that at least 35% of what you both just said is true so you better tell us,” Michael commanded.

“Dad always says there’s a grain of truth in every lie. At least the believable lies,” Chelsea said with a sage nod. Their father was the honorable Judge Bradshaw.

“Nat is a terrible matchmaker and Darcy already has a man warming her bed but won’t accept that he’s her boyfriend,” Steve said and Darcy let out a gasp.

“You, Steve Rogers, are a snitch,” Darcy accused.

“I just want your family to like me,” pouted Steve with mock innocence.

“And we love it,” Michael grinned, scooting his chair closer to Steve's.

Once the trio’s drinks arrived, they began to order some appetizers. At first, Darcy avoided any detailed answers about Brock and his identity. Still, everyone caught up with each other as best as they could and Steve regaled them with the occasional war or depression era story. Darcy’s cousins gave Steve some advice on how to peak annoy the family and Darcy texted Katie to give her a heads up that things could get tense. Luckily, Katie didn’t seem to mind as long as it made her forget a little about the wedding.

By the end of the night, Darcy found herself missing both Brock and Hermes. She wished she could crawl into bed with them instead of the lonely, cold hotel sheets waiting for her. Despite it being a fun night, on occasion, she could hear the enthusiasm behind her laughter wane whenever she thought about how she wished Brock were there. No one seemed to notice but Steve did occasionally send her a worried side-eyed glance. It was silly, Darcy told herself. She’d see Brock and Hermes soon enough.

Yet, as Michael defined the word ‘boyfriend’ for her and went into a dramatic tirade on how she was swimming in men as well as how unfair the world was, she couldn’t help but think that Brock would get along with her cousins just fine. When Michael was caught up in his drama filled pontification, she pulled out her phone and sent Brock a quick text about how she missed him, not expecting a reply.

After a few drinks, Britney convinced her to show pictures of Brock and of course she chose his gym Instagram photos. That went over quite well with her cousins, who ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ over the glistening arms and biceps. Even Darcy was feeling a little overheated herself and wondered if Brock would be up for some naughty phone calls later. Steve didn’t seem too surprised to see who the ‘secret man’ was so it probably meant he legit had bat ears.

Chelsea insisted that if Brock had come to the wedding instead, it would have pissed Aunt Caroline even more to have some random, boisterous Italian American from New York crashing the wedding. Not that Darcy felt she was ready for Brock to meet the Bradshaw side of the family even if it might be an entertaining disaster. Her parents were going to be at the wedding and that actually was an important introduction that she wasn’t mentally prepared for. She _just_ started calling him her boyfriend behind his back. Meeting parents seemed like jumping the gun.


End file.
